1
“Hey, didja hear? They say one of the Demon King’s generals moved into that castle on the hill outside town!”
I was in a corner of the Guild tavern. All afternoon I’d been drinking and shooting the breeze with the guy sitting next to me.
Well, drinking, yes—but not alcohol. My beverage of choice was Neroid Fizzizz as I chatted with the guy.
What’s Neroid, you ask? And Fizzizz, for that matter?
It was a favorite here among those who didn’t drink much, so out of curiosity I’d decided to give it a try.
But…
If someone were to ask me if it was any good, I’d have to answer:
Um…I don’t know.
But at least I’d figured out what Fizzizz was. The sensation of drinking it was very fizzizz.
It wasn’t carbonation. I had no idea what fizzizz actually meant, but it was definitely the right word.
I drank the last of my Neroid and set it on the table…
“One of the Demon King’s generals? That sounds like a pain, but it doesn’t have anything to do with us.”
“Damn straight.” He chuckled at my disinterested, unconcerned response.
There was a surprisingly large number of people just hanging around the Adventurers Guild chatting, and you could hear a lot of interesting things: A dangerous monster had been found in such-and-such place, so you’d better avoid doing quests there for a while. That monster hates the smell of citrus, so if you rub some citrus juice on yourself, it won’t attack you. That kind of thing.
Actually, since I’d gotten to this world, I’d had my hands full just trying to make a living. This was the first time I’d done any intelligence gathering like this. In a video game, getting information was one of the most important ways to learn about new story beats. Being part of conversations in the tavern like this made me feel like a real adventurer, and it was terrific.
The man across from me said, “Well anyway, you’d better stay away from the old castle to the north. I dunno what the Demon King’s general wants out here. This ain’t the Capital or anything. Seein’ as he’s a general, you suppose he’s an ogre or a vampire? Or maybe an arch-demon or a dragon? Whatever. I’m sure he’d wipe out any of our parties in a second. Just steer clear of that castle—for your own sake.”
I thanked the man and stood, then turned toward where my own party was sitting, but…
“What? Why are you all looking at me like that?”
Aqua, Darkness, and Megumin were gnawing on vegetable sticks resting in a glass on the middle of the table and watching me.
“No reason,” Aqua said with an uneasy shift of her eyes. “I mean, obviously we’re not worried that you might join another party or anything.”
“Huh…? Look, getting information is Adventuring 101.” I sat down at the table with them and reached for a vegetable stick.
The stick dodged out of my reach.
…Sheesh.
“What are you doing, Kazuma?” Aqua gave the table a good smack, causing the vegetable stick to jump in surprise. She grabbed the temporarily immobilized snack and popped it in her mouth.
“Hmm. You seemed to be enjoying yourself. Were you enjoying yourself, Kazuma? You sure looked like you were having a good time, talking to that guy from that other party…”
Megumin slammed her balled-up fist on the table, snatched one of the startled vegetables, and ate it.
“What is this strange new feeling…? Seeing Kazuma so friendly with another party…it gives me a little flutter. A sensation I don’t understand. Is it the feeling of being cuckolded…?”
Our resident perv kept up this weird chatter as she flicked the rim of the glass and grabbed one of the sticks.
“What’s with you guys? I thought every adventurer tried to catch the latest gossip.” As I spoke, I struck the table, then reached out for…
Sproing!
“…Gaaaaaaahhhhhhh!”
“Stop! Stop it! What are you doing to my vegetable sticks? Don’t waste food like that!”
Having failed to catch the vegetable stick, I’d instead grabbed the whole glass and was about to fling it against the wall, but a panicked Aqua grabbed my hand.
“You think I’m gonna let a vegetable stick beat me?! And why do the vegetables always run away, huh? Can’t they bring us something that’s already dead?”
“What are you talking about? Vegetables are just like fish—the fresher, the better. You know how in Japan they sometimes serve fish still alive? It’s the same thing.”
No, it’s not. These are vegetables.
I gave up the idea of eating these.
“Huh… Fine. Forget vegetables for now. There’s something I want to ask you guys. I’ve been thinking about what skill to learn when my level goes up next time. Frankly, this party is totally unbalanced, and since I can learn anything, I’d like to try to fill some of the holes in our makeup.” I paused. “So, what kinds of skills do you guys have?”
If you wanted to complete quests efficiently, it was important to make sure your party members’ abilities complemented one another. That was why I’d brought this up.
“I have Physical Resistance and Magic Resistance, as well as Resistance skills for every status condition. Oh, and Decoy, too.”
“…You don’t want to take something like Two-Handed Sword and up your Accuracy a bit?”
“Nope. Not to brag, but I have high HP and Strength. If I were able to actually hit monsters most of the time, I might defeat them before they ever got a chance to hit me in return. I could hold back and let them attack me on purpose, but…it’s not the same. It’s like…to go in there swinging my sword as hard as I can, but it’s just not enough, and they overpower me…that feels so good, you know?”
“No, I don’t. That’s enough out of you.”
“Mm…! He asks me for my opinion, and then he shoots me down…!” Darkness was blushing, and she’d started to breathe heavily. I ignored her.
When I turned to Megumin, she cocked her head quizzically.
“I have explosion-related skills, obviously. The spell Explosion, plus skills that boost the power of explosive magics, along with high-speed incantation and so forth. Everything I need to release the most powerful magical blasts. That is all that has ever guided my choice of skills, and all that ever will.”
“And I don’t suppose you have any intention of learning Intermediate Magic.”
“No.”
So she wasn’t going to be any help, either.
“Let’s see, I have…”
“Don’t care.”
“Whaaat?!”
I shut down Aqua before she could begin listing her skills. I was sure it was just party trick, party trick, party trick.
Sheesh…
“This party is completely uncoordinated. Maybe I really should look for a new group…”
All three of them recoiled at my muttered suggestion.
2
It had been several days since the urgent cabbage-harvesting quest. We’d recently sold all the cabbages we’d collected, and the adventurers had finally gotten their payment for the harvest…
“Have a look, Kazuma! I got enough of a reward from the cabbage hunt to have them improve my armor a bit while it was in the shop. What do you think?”
Amid the commotion of every adventurer in the Guild Hall trying to claim their cabbage payout, Darkness nearly glowed as she showed off her armor. All I could say was…
“That thing looks like it was tricked out for some rich kid who wouldn’t know armor from a hole in the ground.”
“…You never say anything nicely, do you, Kazuma? You know, even I just want to hear a kind word every once in a while.” She looked uncharacteristically unhappy.
Well, how was I supposed to know?
More important…
“I don’t have time to coddle you right now. There’s a bigger problem on our hands. You need to do something about that freak over there. She’s turning out to be worse than you.”
“Ohhh… Ohhhh! I can’t staaaand it! This manatite staff is just throbbing with magical power… Ohhh! Ohhh!” Megumin was rubbing her cheek up and down the new staff she’d had made. Apparently, if you constructed it with a rare metal called manatite, it boosted the staff’s attack power. Megumin had used the generous cabbage reward to get such a manatite staff, and she’d been acting this way all day. She was convinced her explosions would be that much more powerful now.
Her Explosion spell was overkill as it was. What could she possibly do with more power? Wasn’t there some more helpful magic she could learn? I knew better than to ask her that, though. In her present state, I really just wanted to stay away from her.
I’d gotten my reward, too, and I was riding high.
We had Darkness, who’d taken on the monsters that had come after the cabbage.
Megumin, who’d blown them all up.
And Aqua, who’d gone off after whatever vegetables she could find and paid no attention to what the rest of us were doing.
We’d decided to split the reward not evenly but proportionally, based on how many cabbages each of us had caught. It was Aqua’s idea—since she’d gotten the most after me.
And now she was waiting to reap the rewards of her brilliant idea…
“Whaaaaat?! Hold on—what is going on here?!”
Her shout echoed throughout the Guild Hall.
Uh-oh…
Sure enough, Aqua was at the clerk’s counter, fuming. She had the clerk by the collar and was giving her a tongue-lashing.
“Fifty thousand measly eris? Do you know how many cabbages I caught?! I can tell you it was more than that!”
“I-I-I’m very sorry to tell you this, but…”
“What?!”
“…Miss Aqua, most of what you brought back was lettuce…”
“Why was there lettuce flying around, too?!”
“I-I’m sure I don’t know, ma’am…”
It sounded like Aqua had gotten considerably less money than she’d expected. Perhaps she figured it would be futile to abuse the staff any further: She came over to me with her hands behind her back and an ingratiating smile on her face.
“Oh, Kazuma, my friend… How much did you make on this quest?”
“A million even.”
All three of my companions’ jaws dropped.
It was true: That quest had come out of thin air and made me a minor nouveau riche.
I’d managed to collect a number of especially high-quality cabbages packed with XP. Just another benefit of good Luck, I guess.
“You know, oh great Kazuma, I’ve always thought you were one of the…uh…well, the nicest people I’ve ever met…”
“If you can’t think of anything nice to say, don’t force yourself. Anyway, I’ve already decided how I’m gonna spend this money, so I’m not sharing.”
Aqua’s smile froze as I pulled the rug out from under her.
“But Kazumaaaaaa! I was so sure this quest was gonna pay out, I spent all my money! I ran up a hundred-thousand-eris tab at the bar here! My reward isn’t nearly enough to cover that!”
I peeled the beseeching Aqua off me. Why did she never think ahead? I rubbed my aching temples.
“Not my problem. You’re the one who said everyone should get ‘just what they earned and no more.’ Anyway, I want to find an actual place to live. How can we be serious adventurers if we spend our entire careers renting a stable?”
Most adventurers didn’t own houses. They traveled around too much for that. Then again, with the exception of a handful of successful questers, most lived a hand-to-mouth existence and couldn’t support a residence.
Frankly, in light of the human resources I had available, I’d given up on ever defeating the Demon King. Let the other guys who’d been sent here before me deal with him—the ones who’d picked incredible special abilities or awesome equipment or whatever.
I was sitting here as an Adventurer, the lowest job class, something any loser could do. My stats weren’t even that good. Certainly nothing like people who’d been training their whole lives for this work. I was barely better than average.
I would be happy to adventure just enough to satisfy my curiosity, in relative safety, and then retire to a nice, comfortable existence. So I’d planned to use my reward to lease a place or maybe even buy a little cabin if the price was right.
Aqua had attached herself to me, looking ready to burst into tears.
“Nooooo! Kazuma, pleeease! Lend me some money! Just enough to pay my tab! Look, Kazuma, I know you’re a boy, and I can hear the rustling from your side of the stable in the middle of the night sometimes, so I know why you want to hurry up and get a place where you can have some privacy! But pleeeease! Just fifty thousand! Fifty thousand is plenty! I’m begging youuu!”
“Geez! All right! Fifty thousand, a hundred thousand—I don’t care! Just shut up already!”
3
“Kazuma, hurry, we must find some monsters! Ideally, a great many weaklings! I want to try my new staff!”
Such was the request Megumin suddenly brought me.
Hmm.
“Sure. I haven’t had time to try out the skills I learned since we went on that Zombie Maker quest. How about we find something nice and easy to do?”
“No, let’s do something profitable! I used every eris I had to pay my tab, so I can’t afford lunch today!”
“I say we should find a powerful opponent! Something of immense strength, whose every crushing blow will feel sooo good…!”
Sheesh. I knew everyone wanted to do their own thing sometimes, but this was ridiculous.
“Well, let’s see what’s on the board first and go from there.” At my suggestion, we all crowded around to see the quests. Where…
“What’s going on? There’s almost no posts here.” Usually there was hardly space on the board, but today only a few pieces of paper hung there.
And what was there was…
“Kazuma! I’ve found our quest! A giant bear called Blackfang has been spotted in the mountains…”
“No way! What’s going on here? All these quests are, like, impossible!” Everything on the board was wildly out of our league.
A Guild employee approached us.
“Ahem… I’m very sorry about that. A person appearing to be one of the Demon King’s generals recently took up residence in a nearby castle, and, well…all the weaker monsters are keeping out of sight, meaning much less work for adventurers. A division of Knights will be sent from the Capital next month to deal with the emergency, but until then, we expect mostly high-level quests…”
The penniless Aqua gave a cry of despair at the employee’s apologetic words. “Wh-whyyyyy?!”
For once, I had to agree with her.
“Arrrgh… Why’d that stupid general have to move in now? I don’t care what rank he is, if he’s undead, then just leave him to me!” Aqua grumbled with brimming eyes as she flipped through the classifieds.
Everyone else seemed to be feeling the same way. I’d never seen so many adventurers drinking in the middle of the day. The mood was despondent.
What did a general of the Demon King want out here, anyway? Most of the adventurers in Axel weren’t that much stronger than we were. Of course there were some more powerful parties—but even they weren’t all that impressive.
Axel was a starter town, a place people came to begin their careers. A general of the Demon King was the sort of enemy you’d expect to encounter at the end of a game, not the beginning. We could barely handle some overgrown frogs. The entire town together probably wasn’t a match for whoever was in that castle.
4
“Until the Knights and do-gooders from the Capital arrive next month, we’re not going to get any real work done…”
“So it appears. And since you have no quests to occupy your time, why not accompany me?”
Megumin and I were just outside town.
There were no dangerous enemies around at the moment. All the little monsters were off cowering in fear at the presence of the Demon King’s general.
Megumin and I had gone out for a walk. I couldn’t take on any quests, and she had nothing to blow up with her explosions, so we were both feeling pretty down. Megumin made it a daily ritual to fire off one magical explosion. I hoped I wasn’t stuck babysitting her every single day for the next month. I had told her to go by herself, but she’d replied that there’d be no one to carry her home.
In a spot nearby, I suggested Megumin perform her magic. “How about over there? Just let one off, and we can get out of here.”
She shook her head.
“This won’t do. If I’m not far enough from town, the guards will yell at me again.”
“‘Again’? What, did people complain about the noise or something?”
She gave a short nod.
No choice, then. I wasn’t thrilled to be leaving the area without a weapon, but there weren’t supposed to be any monsters around, anyway.
It wouldn’t hurt to see the wider world just a bit.
Come to think of it, I’d hardly done any touring since getting to this world. When I left town, it was always to hunt monsters for a quest. Just calmly wandering around like this was…
“…? Hey, what’s that? An abandoned castle?”
It stood on a far-off hill: an old redoubt slowly crumbling away.
It looked like it was probably haunted…
“I don’t like the feel of that place,” I muttered. “I bet there’s ghosts in there or something…”
“It is perfect!” Megumin exclaimed. “I can blow it up as thoroughly as I wish, and no one will be bothered!” And she happily began preparing her spell.
A pleasant breeze blew across the hill.
It was quiet. It was calm. And then I heard Megumin’s chanting on the wind…
That was how Megumin and I passed the time each day.
Aqua, without an eris to her name, had taken on a part-time job, and Darkness had gone back to her hometown to train. Megumin had nothing better to do, so every day we would go to that abandoned castle and set off a magical explosion.
It might be in the evening, with a cold rain falling.
Or in the afternoon, after a quiet meal.
Even during a lovely early-morning walk.
At some point each day, Megumin would unleash her magic on that castle…
I went with her each time and had even gotten to the point where I could tell how good the day’s explosion had been.
“Explosion!!”
“Ooh, that was a good one! You could feel the vibrations in your bones, but then the way the shock wave came a moment later and kind of brushed your skin… I’m always curious why that castle never seems the worse for wear after you blow it up. But, oh well. Nice one!”
“‘Nice one!’ Heh-heh. Kazuma, you have gained no small appreciation for the explosive path. Your appraisal of today’s blast was nothing short of poetic. How about it, Kazuma? Might you seriously consider learning explosive magic?”
“Hmm… I admit it’s tempting, but with our party’s current makeup, I don’t think a second Wizard would be a good idea. Maybe I can look forward to learning Explosion when I’ve finally retired from adventuring.”
We laughed together as we chatted. How many points would we give today’s explosion? Well, the volume was a little low, but the quality of the sound was so good—we went over it piece by piece, chatting away.
5
Thus we spent a week in pleasant explosions. Then, one morning…
“Urgent! Urgent! All adventurers, please equip your weapons and items and prepare for battle at the town gate!” The familiar sound of an emergency announcement echoed through the streets. We dutifully grabbed our gear and headed for the town square.
When we arrived in the press of adventurers gathered in front of the main gate, we saw a monster standing there casually, oozing terror.
A Dullahan.
Dullahans are headless riders, harbingers of death; they inspire only despair. They’re a form of undead whose physical strength and special abilities surpass anything they possessed while alive.
The creature that stood at the town gate looked like a Knight in pitch-black armor. His own head rested under his left arm, and before an entire town’s worth of adventurers, he held out the helmeted visage. A muffled voice issued from it:
“I am the general of the Demon King, who lately took up residence in a castle near this town…”
The head gradually began to shudder.
“A-a-and every single day—!! Every damn day, one of you recalcitrant idiots comes and sets off a magical explosion in my castle! Who is it?! Tell meeee!”
I guess he was angry.
The Dullahan’s exasperated yell set the adventurers around me murmuring. No one there had the slightest idea what was going on.
If nothing else, it was clear the Dullahan was the reason we’d all been called out in such a hurry.
“A magical explosion…?”
“Do we know anyone who can use Explosion?”
“Explosion, huh…?”
One by one, the faces in the crowd turned to Megumin, next to me.
Megumin promptly turned to a young Wizard girl standing beside her.
I followed her lead, and soon everyone was looking at the girl instead.
“Wh-what’s going on? Why’s everyone staring at me? I—I can’t use Explosion!” the object of our suspicion said with a touch of panic.
…Wait a second. We’ve been setting off an explosion at an old castle every day…
Could it possibly be…?
I cast a sidelong glance at Megumin. She’d broken out in a cold sweat.
Apparently she’d had the same thought I had.
Finally Megumin sighed, made a face, and stepped out from the crowd. As she did so, the collected adventurers moved aside for her.
The Dullahan stood in front of the town gate. Megumin stopped about ten meters away from him. First I, then Darkness and Aqua, stepped up behind her. At the sight of the undead creature, Aqua had gotten a look much like a parent upset with a misbehaving child. She’d been avidly watching the whole scene—perhaps an enraged Dullahan was just that rare a sight.
“You!” he said. “Are you the fool who keeps setting off those blasted explosions?! If you’re looking for a fight with one of the Demon King’s generals, then at least have the guts to storm my castle yourself! And if that isn’t what you want, stay in your little town and cower! Why resort to petty harassment? I knew this was a town full of fledglings, so I left you in peace—but I see this only invited your arrogance! Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, every day! Are you insane?!”
The Dullahan’s helmet vibrated with the anger he’d stored up over a week of explosions.
Megumin shivered a little, obviously intimidated—but then she threw back her mantle and declared:
“I am Megumin! Arch-wizard and master of Explosion!”
“Megumin? What kind of a name is that? Are you making fun of me?”
“I am not!”
She apparently hadn’t been expecting the Dullahan to shoot her down. But she quickly collected herself.
“I am of the Crimson Magic Clan and the greatest magic-user in Axel Town! Those explosions were a stratagem to draw you out, O general of the Demon King! Your luck ran out the moment you came to this town alone!” She waved her staff at him menacingly.
Behind her, I whispered to Darkness and Aqua. “Can somebody tell me what she’s talking about? She swore she had to let off an explosion every day or she’d die, so I took her to that stupid castle. When did it become a ‘stratagem’?”
“Good question. And when did she become this town’s greatest magic-user?”
“Shush back there! I have not set off an explosion yet today, and an entire crowd of adventurers backs me up. I am in a position of strength here—and I will see to this town’s safety!”
I guess Megumin could hear us whispering, because she blushed a little even as she stood posted with her staff thrust forward.
The Dullahan, for some reason, actually seemed to be taking her at face value.
“Oh-ho, a member of the Crimson Magic Clan? I see, I see. So that ridiculous name you gave wasn’t just to mock me.”
“Hey! If you have something to say about the name my parents gave me, then let’s hear it!” Megumin said hotly, but her foe hardly paid her any mind. In fact, he seemed to find the entire crowd barely worth his notice. The general of the Demon King was no more interested in us than a hawk in a gaggle of chicks.
“Hmph, never mind. I did not come to this town to trade barbs with children. I am in this area for research purposes, and I will be living in that castle for the foreseeable future. So desist your magical explosions, you understand?”
“You, sir, might as well order me to die. For we of the Crimson Magic Clan perish if we do not let off an explosion every day!”
“Wh-what? I’ve never heard such nonsense! If you’re going to lie, at least make up something plausible!”
I didn’t know what to do. Honestly, I was kind of enjoying watching the two of them go at it. I could see Aqua, too, looking eagerly at Megumin as she nearly frothed at the monster’s insults.
The Dullahan placed his head on his right palm, and then—rather nimbly—gave an annoyed shrug.
“So you have no intention of giving up your magic, do you? Though I have relinquished my body to a demon, I was once a Knight. Slaughtering the weak holds no interest for me. But if you insist on bothering me in my home every day—well, I have an idea of how to deal with you…”
Megumin began to back away from the Dullahan, who seemed more and more dangerous.
But to my surprise, she was smiling.
“You, sir, are the one bothering us! Ever since you arrived, we have been unable to work!” She smirked. “Heh. I think you had best escape while you can. For we have an undead specialist among us! Milady, if you please!”
All that grand posturing—and now Megumin had neatly handed off the whole thing to Aqua.
…Sheesh.
Aqua, clearly pleased to be called “milady,” stepped up to face the Dullahan. “Looks like it’s up to me, then! I don’t care if you’re the Demon King’s general or whatever, it’s your bad luck you showed up while I was here! An undead who comes in the middle of the day—you’re practically begging me to send you to the netherworld. It’s your fault we can’t get any decent quests around here! Now—prepare yourself!” She thrust one hand out toward the Dullahan. The adventurers gathered behind us gave a collective gulp.
The Dullahan looked intrigued. He turned his head to face Aqua and held it out toward her. It seemed to be his way of showing he was getting serious.
“Oh-ho, what have we here? No mere Priest, but an Arch-priest? I am a general of the Demon King. Shall a low-level Arch-priest in a starter town banish me from this realm? Do you think I have not prepared countermeasures for Priests far more powerful than you? Ah, but perhaps this will be a good opportunity to torment my little Crimson friend…”
Quicker than Aqua could chant her spell, he pointed with his left hand at Megumin. Then he bellowed:
“I pronounce death upon you! In one week’s time, you shall die!”
In the same instant as the Dullahan intoned his curse, Darkness grabbed Megumin by the collar and threw the Wizard behind her.
“Wha—?!” Megumin cried. “D-Darkness!” For an instant, Darkness’s body shone with a black light.
A death curse! Damn!
“Darkness!” I said. “Are you all right?! Are you hurt?!” She was opening and closing her hand as if to make sure it still worked.
“Hmm… It looks like I’m…fine,” she said calmly.
But I’d heard the Dullahan: In one week’s time, you shall die.
Aqua was busily looking Darkness over when the Dullahan exclaimed triumphantly, “The curse appears as nothing now! This is not quite what I planned, but with the bonds of fellowship you adventurers share, it may be even better! Listen, you Crimson whelp. Your Crusader will die a week from this day. Heh-heh! You can watch her stew in the terror of her impending demise—and know that it is your fault! Watch her suffer for seven days, and rue what you have done! Bwa-ha-haa! If you had only listened to me…!”
At his words, Megumin paled, and Darkness moaned with excitement.
“H-how devious! You have placed this curse of death upon me—and in order to break it, we must do whatever you want! Isn’t that right?!”
“Huh?”
The Dullahan seemed completely flummoxed by Darkness’s reaction. I had no idea what she was talking about, either.
…All right, I didn’t want to have any idea.
“Hrgh… I am daunted by no curse…a-and yet… Kazuma! What shall we do?! Look at the terrible eyes burning within that Dullahan’s helm! Those are the eyes of one who would take me to his castle as his sex prisoner and force me to do all kinds of freaky hard-core porno stuff if I want to break this curse!”
“…Huh?” said the Dullahan, having clearly not expected to be called out as a pervert in front of the whole town. I felt a little bad for him.
“Well, you may be the master of my body, but you will never be the master of my heart! A female Knight—prisoner in a castle, slave to the vile demands of the Demon King’s minion! What should I do, Kazuma?! Who could have foreseen things would turn so hot! I don’t want to go—I cannot bear it!—and yet, I have no choice! I’ll resist him for as long as I can… Don’t try to stop me! Farewell now, my friends!”
“Whaaat?!”
“Stoppit already! That’s obviously not what he has in mind!”
I grabbed Darkness’s arm and held her back from her headlong dash toward our enemy. The Dullahan was palpably relieved.
“A-anyway. I hope you’ve learned your lesson and won’t blow up my home anymore! And you, Magic child—if you want to break that Crusader’s curse, come to my castle! If you survive to reach my chamber on the top floor, I shall lift the curse. But know this: A legion of Undead Knights guards my castle! I will be most curious to see if you and your fledgling friends ever reach me! Bwa-ha-ha-ha…ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaa!”
Still cackling, the Dullahan walked out the gate, mounted his headless horse, and rode off to his castle.
6
The crowd of adventurers stood silently, seemingly overwhelmed by the turn of events.
I felt the same way.
Next to me, Megumin clutched her staff, pale and trembling.
Alone, she made to walk through the town gate.
“Hey, where do you think you’re going? What have you got in mind?” I grabbed her mantle. Megumin just pulled harder as she tried to walk away. She didn’t look back as she answered:
“This is my fault. I am simply going to go to that castle, let off one good explosion right in that Dullahan’s face, and break Darkness’s curse.”
Like she was going to manage anything by herself.
Actually, come to think of it…
“I’m going with you, obviously. By yourself, you’d probably use up your explosion on some piddling guard, and then what? You were too dim to even notice we were blowing up the castle of the Demon King’s general.”
Megumin stared at me for a moment, then her shoulders relaxed as if resigned.
“Fine, come with me, then. But that monster mentioned a legion of Undead Knights. Your sword is not going to be very effective against such enemies. Today, you must rely on my magic.” A slight smile flitted across her face.
Undead Knights presumably wore armor, like their living counterparts. My cheap sword wasn’t going to scratch them. But I had an idea.
“I can use my Sense Foe skill to tell where the enemies are. As we go through the castle, I’ll track them, and then we can jump them with my Ambush skill. Or maybe we could go there once a day and take out all the enemies on one floor of the castle with Explosion. Then we go home and come back the next day. We could probably clear the whole place in a week, right?”
Megumin brightened a bit, perhaps seeing a glimmer of hope in my strategy. The two of us turned to Darkness.
“Hey, Darkness! We’re gonna lift that curse, I guarantee it! So you just—”
“Sacred Dispel!”
Aqua’s incantation interrupted my attempt to encourage Darkness. Darkness’s body shone with a faint light.
Aqua’s cheerful face was a stark contrast to the despondent-looking Crusader.
“Some Dullahan’s little curses don’t stand a chance against me! How about that, huh? I can totally act like a real Priest sometimes!”
Megumin and I looked at her.
“Huh…?” we said.
And here Megumin and I had been just starting to get excited. Way to take the wind out of our sails, Aqua.
7
We passed an uneventful week after our brush with the Demon King’s general.
“I need a quest! Even a hard one! Let’s go on a quest!”
“Huh?” Megumin and I were startled by Aqua’s sudden outburst, and less than pleased.
Except Aqua, our party’s purses were overflowing. We certainly didn’t want to go out and work now, with only high-level quests available.
“I don’t mind,” Darkness said. “But Aqua, you and I alone rather…lack firepower.” She glanced significantly at Megumin and me. Well, she could give us all the significant glances she wanted. There was no need for the two of us to go on any dangerous quests.
Aqua could see we weren’t biting, and she began to plead.
“Pleeease! I’m sooo sick of doing part-time work every single day! The store owner gets mad at me if there’s even one croquette still left at the end of the day! I promise I’ll be helpful this time! I prooomise!”
Megumin and I looked at each other.
“Geez, all right already. Fine, go have a look at the board and see if there’s anything worthwhile. If you can find something decent, we’ll go with you.”
Aqua dashed off happily to the quest board.
“Kazuma, could you perhaps take a look at the board, too? I have a bad feeling about leaving Aqua to pick something by herself…”
“She’s right. Though I personally wouldn’t mind a quest that got us beat up a little…”
The girls were right, and I knew it. I went over to the quest board with mounting dread. I stood behind Aqua as she diligently scrutinized the quests. She didn’t notice me, only continued to study the pieces of paper tacked to the board. Finally she picked one and pulled it off.
“Okay!”
“What’s okay?! Do you even know what you’re getting us into?!”
I grabbed the paper from her.
MANTICORE/GRIFFIN HUNT—A MANTICORE AND A GRIFFIN ARE FIGHTING OVER TERRITORY HERE, MAKING THE AREA VERY DANGEROUS. SEEKING ADVENTURER(S) TO HUNT BOTH MONSTERS AND END THE FEUD. REWARD: 500,000 ERIS.
“Are you insane?!” I shouted, and put the paper back where she’d found it.
Good thing I’d come to check on her. She’d almost gotten us into a lot of trouble.
“Why are you so upset? There’re only two of them! We get them in one place and let Megumin do her thing! Boom! We go home. Sheesh! Forget it.”
Yeah, great plan. And I supposed it was up to me to figure out how to lure two magical, feuding monsters to the same spot.
Just as I was considering taking the quest and sending Aqua off to handle it alone, she came up and started pulling excitedly on my sleeve.
“Hey, look! Check this one out!” I looked at the quest she was pointing to.
LAKE CLEANSING—THE NEARBY LAKE, WHICH PROVIDES MUCH OF THE TOWN’S WATER, HAS BECOME IMPURE, AND BRUTAL ALLIGATORS HAVE TAKEN UP RESIDENCE THERE. SEEKING PURIFICATION OF THE LAKE. THE MONSTERS WILL LEAVE IF THE WATER IS CLEANSED, SO HUNTING THEM IS NOT NECESSARY. NOTE: PARTY MUST INCLUDE A PRIEST WHO HAS MASTERED PURIFICATION MAGIC. REWARD: 300,000 ERIS.
“…Do you know how to purify water?”
Aqua snorted. “Now who’s being dumb? Just who do you think I am? Think about my name, look at my outfit, and tell me—what do you think I rule over?”
“Party tricks?”
“Wrong, you hikiNEET! Water! The pale blue eyes? The hair? Do these things mean nothing to you?”
I guess I can see the connection.
Three hundred thousand eris just to clean up a little water—it was definitely tempting. Especially the fact that we didn’t have to fight anything.
“Fine, let’s take it. Heck, if it’s just water purification, you can handle it on your own, can’t you? Then you could keep the reward all to yourself.”
But Aqua hesitated.
“Y-yeah…I guess I could… But those monsters probably won’t just sit by and watch me purify their lake. I need someone to protect me from them until I’m done.”
Aha…
But “Brutal Alligators”—presumably they were some kind of alligator, right? That sounded bad.
“How long does it take you to purify water, anyway? Five minutes?”
If it was quick enough, we might be able to make do with one good explosion from Megumin.
Aqua shook her head. “Maybe half a day?”
“It might as well take forever!”
So we were supposed to guard her for upward of twelve hours against monsters whose name alone sounded like trouble. I made to put the paper back…
“Aww, nooo! Please! There aren’t any other good quests! Oh pleeease help me with this, Kazumaaa!”
I looked at Aqua, clinging to my arm to keep me from returning the quest, and suddenly thought to ask:
“How do you do the whole cleansing thing, anyway?”
“Huh? I just touch the water and keep using Purification magic… Why?”
I see. She had to physically touch the water. For a second I’d thought…
Well, wait.
“All right, Aqua. I think I know how you can do your ritual—no risk, no problem. Wanna give it a try?”
8
The lake in question was a large body of water not far from town.
This was one of the town’s major water sources; a small river flowed from this lake all the way to Axel. The snowmelt from mountains immediately bordering the lake was what kept it full.
I could see it: The water was somehow cloudy and stagnant, just as the request had said.
I’d thought maybe monsters liked clean water, just like humans, but I guess not.
As I gazed out at the lake, Aqua’s trembling voice came from behind me—
“Are… Are we really gonna go through with this?” She seemed extremely ill at ease.
But my plan was airtight. What could she possibly object to?
“I feel like some rare monster you’re going to sell to the Guild…or the circus,” Aqua said. She was sitting cross-legged in a steel cage—not unlike the kind you might use to hold a rare monster.
I was going to take the cage, with Aqua inside, and dump it into the lake.
At first I’d thought she could just sit safely in the cage at the lakeside and do her magic, but when I found out she had to touch the water for the magic to work, I revised my plan.
Being the goddess of water, Aqua could, she said, be submerged all day without even getting tense, let alone drowning. And—again, so she said—even if she wasn’t actively using the Purification magic, the water would gradually be cleansed just by her presence in it.
I guess she’s just that holy. She is a goddess, after all, even if you’d never guess it.
We’d borrowed the cage from the Guild; they had it on hand for quests that required prey be captured rather than killed.
The cage didn’t need to go all the way to the bottom of the lake—useless cargo and all. It just needed to sit deep enough for Aqua to touch the water. Since the cage was big enough to carry a monster, Aqua could just stay in the middle of it, out of range of any attacks.
The Guild employee said the monsters would leave the area when the water was purified, but just in case they wouldn’t leave Aqua alone, we’d attached some sturdy chains.
A steel cage isn’t light, so in town we’d borrowed a horse to drag it out here. In an emergency, we could have the horse pull it back by the chains.
We shoved the cage past the lake’s edge, the water rising until it reached Aqua’s legs and bottom.
The rest of us just needed to wait nearby.
Aqua hugged her knees and muttered dejectedly:
“I feel like a tea bag you’ve left to steep…”
9
Purification plan in motion, we’d set Aqua in the water at the edge of the lake. Two hours passed, but there was no sign of any monsters.
Megumin, Darkness, and I watched and waited in a spot about twenty meters from Aqua.
Aqua sat in the partially flooded cage. I called out to her:
“Hey, Aqua! How’s the cleanup going? Not getting cold in that lake water? If you need to go to the bathroom or anything, just tell me! I’ll let you out of there!”
She shouted back:
“It’s going fine! And I don’t need the toilet! Arch-priests don’t go to the bathroom!”
Whatever. She sounded like a washed-up idol.
I’d thought sitting there in the water for hours might be a problem, but apparently not.
“It looks like she is doing all right. Incidentally, the people of the Crimson Magic Clan do not use the bathroom, either,” Megumin said. As if I’d asked her.
She and Aqua both had bottomless stomachs. I wondered where it all went.
“I’m a Crusader, and we…we…hrr…”
“Don’t get into a not-pissing contest with those two, Darkness. One of these days we’re gonna get a quest that takes more than a few hours. Then we’ll see who does and doesn’t go to the bathroom.”
“P-please stop it! Crimson Magic Clan members really do not use the toilet. But I will apologize, so please stop… Strange, though, that there seems to be no sign of the Brutal Alligators. Well, we can only hope they leave us alone,” Megumin said. A line like that was an invitation to raise an event flag if I ever heard one.
No sooner had she spoken than ripples appeared in the water.
It wasn’t any bigger than a normal Earth alligator—but it sure seemed different. It was a monster, no doubt.
“K-Kazuma! Something’s coming! A wh-whole bunch of somethings!”
Apparently the alligators here traveled in packs.
—Four hours into the purification process—
At first, Aqua had simply sat in the water, relying on her divine powers to purify it, but now she was desperately chanting spells, too.
“Purification! Purification! Purification!!”
The crowd of alligators surrounded Aqua’s cage and began gnawing on it.
“Purification! Purification! Y-you know, my cage is c-creaking! I-it’s squeaking! Do somethiiiing!”
But there wasn’t much we could do. With Aqua right in the midst of the monsters, Megumin’s Explosion wasn’t a sound plan.
“Aqua! If you’re ready to throw in the towel, just say the word! I’ll have the horse pull the chains and we’ll get you out of there!”
I’d been shouting similar advice for some time, but Aqua had thus far refused to give up on her quest.
“N-no way! We’ll have wasted all this time, and we won’t get any reward! Purification! Purification! E-eeeek! Did you hear that crack?! That is definitely not a sound you want to hear from the bars protecting you!”
The swarm of alligators mobbing Aqua’s cage didn’t so much as look at us.
Darkness took in the scene and sighed.
“I kind of wish I was in that cage…”
“…Don’t get any ideas.”
—Seven hours into the purification process—
The battered cage sat glumly in the lake. It was covered in alligator bite marks.
The alligators themselves had turned tail and headed for the mountains. Maybe because we’d finished purifying the lake.
I couldn’t hear Aqua chanting her spells anymore.
Actually, it had been almost an hour since I’d last heard her voice rising from within the crowd of monsters.
“Hey, Aqua, you all right? Looks like all the alligators swam off somewhere.”
The rest of us approached, trying to get a look at Aqua.
“…Hic…sniff… Waaah…!”
If she was going to sit there hugging her knees and crying, she should’ve just dropped the quest.
On the other hand…I guess, for once, I could understand the reaction.
“Hey. If you’re done purifying the place, let’s go home. I talked to Darkness and Megumin, and we all agreed we don’t need a reward for this one. You can keep the three hundred grand all to yourself.”
Aqua didn’t look up from her knees, but her shoulders stiffened.
She made no move to leave her enclosure.
“Come on out of there. The alligators are all gone.”
Aqua whispered something—
“…n the cage…”
I paused, perplexed.
“What’d you say?”
“…The world outside the cage is scary… Just take me back to town in here…”
First, frog-related trauma. Now, alligator-related trauma. I guess it was a hard-knock life for a goddess.
10
“Donadonadonaaadooonaaa…”
“Geez, Aqua! Will you quit it with that weird song already? It’s bad enough that we’re dragging a girl huddled in a cage through the middle of town… And why are you still in there, anyway? We’re back. It’s safe now. Come out.”
“No. This cage is my sanctuary… The outside world is scary. I’m gonna stay in here for now…”
Our horse pulled the cage, where Aqua had apparently decided to take up permanent residence.
People tried their best to look at us without looking at us as we made our way through town, back to the Guild Hall.
Even with a horse-drawn cage (seeing as Aqua was refusing to walk), our progress was slow.
True, one of our number had been severely traumatized—again—but otherwise there was no visible damage to anyone. As eager as we were to try out our gear and our magic, an uneventful quest was still the best quest.
For us, it was unusual to have an assignment end so…neatly.
Maybe it was my fault for thinking something that pretty much begged for another event flag.
“M-my Lady? My Lady Goddess, it is you, isn’t it! Good heavens! What has brought you to this state?!”
A man ran up and grabbed the bars of Aqua’s cage. Those bars had withstood the diligent attentions of a swarm of Brutal Alligators, but this man bent them easily, extending a hand to Aqua.
The stranger cast a sidelong glance at me and Megumin, both of us standing there dumbly. He reached out to the equally vacant Aqua, and…
“Aren’t you being a little forward with my friend? Exactly who are you? You seem to know Aqua, but she certainly doesn’t seem to know you.”
Darkness moved in on the man as he made to take Aqua’s hand.
She seemed nothing like the girl who’d looked enviously at the caged goddess being assailed by alligators. Now she was a Crusader, a shield, unabashedly protecting her friend.
…What if I could get her to act this way all the time…?
The man gave Darkness a look, sighed, and shook his head. His expression said, I don’t want any trouble, but it seems trouble wants me. Darkness, usually so reserved, looked openly angered by the man’s attitude.
Things were getting tense. I whispered to Aqua, who’d still made no move to get out of the cage:
“Hey, this guy’s your buddy, right? He knows you’re a goddess and everything. Do something about him!”
For just an instant, Aqua looked at me with a confused but genuine expression.
“…Oh! Goddess! Right, I’m a goddess. So? You want me to handle this situation? Leave it to the goddess…”
She finally wormed her way out of the cage.
…She didn’t really forget she’s a goddess, right?
Aqua, now free, gave the stranger a quizzical look.
“Who are you?”
Wait, they don’t know each other after all?!
Wait again! Maybe they did.
The guy looked awfully surprised, for his part.
Chances were, Aqua had just forgotten who he was.
“What do you mean, who am I, My Lady?! It is I, Kyouya Mitsurugi! You gave me the magical sword Gram?”
Aqua said nothing, only looked even more confused. I, however, had a sudden thought.
His name sounded like it could have come straight out of an anime, but it was also obviously Japanese. He must have been one of the people who’d run into Aqua before I did.
He seemed very upstanding, and his shock of brown hair made him, actually, pretty handsome. He wore shimmering blue armor that looked very expensive, and a black scabbard hung at his waist.
Two attractive women stood behind him. One carried a spear and seemed to be a warrior; the other wore leather armor with a dagger at her hip.
This Mitsurugi seemed to be about my age. But unlike me, he looked like…well, he looked like the hero of a manga.
“Oh! Yes! I remember you! I’m sorry. I’ve sent so many people here, it’s hard to keep track of them all.”
Between us, Mitsurugi and I had finally managed to ignite a spark of recognition in Aqua.
Mitsurugi gave Aqua a slightly strained smile. “I-it’s been a long time, Lady Aqua. I’m doing everything I can to complete the mission you gave me. I’m a Sword Master now, Level 37. But…why are you here, milady? And in a cage?” He glanced suspiciously at the rest of us.
I could just see it: Aqua sending this guy off with a song and dance about You are a hero, chosen for a task… Blah, blah, blah.
She may have totally forgotten he existed, but I knew all too well the sorts of ridiculous things she’d probably said to him.
Wait a second… Mitsurugi probably thought I put Aqua in that cage.
I guess that would be the obvious conclusion to draw from this scene. What were the chances he’d believe me if I told him Aqua had wanted to stay there?
Heck, I wouldn’t believe me. Who knew such a messed-up goddess even existed?
So I explained to Mitsurugi, as clearly as I could, how Aqua and I had wound up here together, and…
“Ridiculous. Impossible! What were you thinking?! Bringing a goddess to this world! And then putting her in a cage and leaving her in a lake?!”
Mitsurugi, enraged, had me by the collar. In a panic, Aqua tried to intervene.
“N-n-now just a minute! I have a pretty good life here! It doesn’t really bother me anymore that he dragged me here, okay? And I can go home if I just defeat the Demon King! Just like our quest today—I was terrified, sure, but in the end we did it and no one got hurt! And the reward is three hundred thousand! And they said I could keep all of it!”
Mitsurugi gave Aqua a look of pity.
“Lady Aqua, I don’t know what this man did to win you to his side, but your treatment is unjust! All the danger you went through, for a mere three hundred thousand eris? You’re a goddess! Is this what you’ve been reduced to? …Say, what inn are you staying at?”
I thought we were trying to avoid saying Aqua was a goddess, but Mitsurugi looked pretty worked up, so I kept my mouth shut. He certainly wasn’t keeping his shut, though, saying “goddess” every chance he got.
Some goddess. Mitsurugi clearly didn’t know who he was dealing with.
Aqua answered his question hesitantly.
“I-it’s not an inn we’re all staying at. It’s m-more of a…stable.”
“What?!” Mitsurugi’s grip tightened.
H-hey! That hurts!
Darkness grasped Mitsurugi’s other arm.
“I think it’s time you let go of my friend. I warn you, grabbing the neck of a man you’ve just met is not the way to make a good first impression.”
Usually the only time Darkness talked was when she had something dumb to say, but now she was uncharacteristically angry. I glanced at Megumin and realized she, too, was raising her newly made staff and beginning the chant for Explo—Waitasecond! Stop that!
Mitsurugi let me go and looked at Darkness and Megumin with great interest. “A Crusader and an Arch-wizard? And rather fetching ones at that. It seems you’ve been blessed with fine party members. All the more reason, then, that you should be ashamed of yourself. Forcing Lady Aqua and these fine-looking people to sleep in a stable! If I understand correctly, you’re an Adventurer, the lowest class.”
Hearing him tell it, even I started to think I was pretty lucky. Was that how other people saw me?
I whispered to Aqua:
“Hey, I thought most adventurers slept in stables around here. Isn’t that just how it goes? Why is this guy so upset?”
“I gave him a magic sword as an incentive to come here,” she said, “so he’s been able to take high-level quests from the start. He’s probably never been poor here… Well, that’s how it is with most people who have been granted special abilities or equipment.”
Unexpectedly, I found myself boiling at Aqua’s words. This kid had never had to work for anything here just because he started out with some enchanted sword, and he was lecturing me? Me, who’d had to work for everything I had!
Mitsurugi, totally oblivious to my rage, was giving the girls pitying smiles, like he thought that was showing them sympathy.
“Looks like you girls have had a rough time of it. Well, you can stick with me now. I won’t let you sleep in any stable, that’s for sure. I’ll get you the best gear. And the party’s balance will be perfect with you! We’ll have me, a Sword Master, and my companion, a Warrior, along with you, a Crusader. And on the other hand, my Thief friend here will pair perfectly with this Arch-wizard. And we’ll have Lady Aqua, of course. You couldn’t ask for a more balanced group!”
Excuse me, I didn’t hear my name anywhere in there.
Not that I’d want to join this lug’s party.
Mitsurugi’s attempt to poach my entire group sent my companions into a whispering huddle. He might be a self-centered moron with a messiah complex, but it was still a pretty good offer. It would certainly give Aqua a better chance of achieving her dream of defeating the Demon King. That’s what she needed to do to get home, after all. I may have been the one who brought her here, but presumably she could get back no matter who took care of the Big Bad.
I crept up behind them, sure they wouldn’t go unmoved by the possibilities.
“Geez, this guy is dangerous—I mean trouble. Did you see the way he just assumed we’d come with him? What a narcissist. He’s kinda scary.”
“I don’t understand this feeling. I usually like to take the punishment, but for the first time, I want to dish it out instead.”
“Can I blast him? Ooh, how I want to put an Explosion right in his coddled face!”
Wow, Mitsurugi, buddy. Rave reviews.
Aqua tugged on my sleeve.
“Come on, Kazuma, let’s get back to the Guild. I may have given that kid a sword, but I don’t think I want to give him any more of my time.”
I was sort of hoping for the opportunity to sock him one before we left, but Aqua was probably right. Discretion would be the better part of valor.
“Well, it looks like all my party members are happy where they are. Thanks anyway! If you don’t mind, we’ve got a completed quest to report…”
And, with the horse pulling the cage behind it, we made to leave.
…………
“Could you maybe get out of the way?” I said in annoyance. Mitsurugi was standing directly in front of me.
Some people just didn’t know how to take a hint.
“I’m sorry, but Lady Aqua gave me the magic sword Gram, and I cannot allow her to remain in these conditions. You cannot save this world. I will be the one to defeat the Demon King. Lady Aqua must come with me.” He paused. “You claim that what you chose to bring to this world was Lady Aqua herself, yes?”
“Sure do.”
I’d read enough manga to know what was coming next.
He would say—
“In that case, fight me for her. You brought her here like chattel? Well, wager her like it! If I win, relinquish Lady Aqua to me. If you win, I will heed any one thing you ask.”
“All right, you’re on! Let’s go!”
Just as I’d expected.
I’d had enough of this guy. I didn’t wait for a countdown or a signal—I flew at him.
I held out the palm of my left hand toward him, pulling out my short sword, sheathe and all, with my right.
Victory goes to the decisive—and all’s fair in war!
What was dirtier? A surprise attack? Or a high-level Sword Master with a magic blade challenging a cash-strapped Adventurer to a duel?
I was pretty sure Mitsurugi wasn’t expecting me to jump on him even as I answered.
“Wha—? Whoa! Wait—!”
Despite his consternation, though, he was still an experienced adventurer. In a flash, he’d drawn his sword and held it up lengthwise to block me.
As my short sword rang off his blade, I reached out with my left hand and—
“Steal!!”
As I shouted, I could feel the weight of a sword fill my hand.
The blade that had been holding back my dagger was suddenly gone from Mitsurugi’s hand.
“Huh?” came a chorus of confused voices. I didn’t know who they belonged to. Maybe everyone but me.
Mitsurugi had no way to answer my Steal gambit, and with nothing left between us, I slammed my short sword into his head.
“That was a dirty trick! You’re a dirty trickster! You rotten, cheating—!”
“You’re the worst! You’re a low-down, dirty scoundrel! Fight fair!”
Mitsurugi’s two companions were busy berating me, but I only listened to them with amusement.
I’d kept my sword sheathed, but it was a pretty heavy piece of equipment, and Mitsurugi had taken a pretty good whack. He was lolling on the ground, his eyes rolled up to the whites.
I declared to his followers:
“So that means I win. He said he’d do any one thing I asked, right? Well, I think I’m gonna ask him to give me this sword.”
One of the girls said indignantly:
“Wha…?! D-don’t be ridiculous! You can’t have that! And anyway, only Kyouya can use that sword. Magic blades choose their own masters, and this one has already chosen Kyouya. It won’t help you!”
Gee, she sounded so sure of herself. I turned to Aqua.
“Is she right? I can’t use this weapon? And here I thought I’d finally gotten a serious item.”
“Sorry to say, she’s telling the truth. Gram belongs to that beat-up punk over there. Gram’s master can equip it to gain superhuman power, a sword that can cut through stone or steel as easily as butter. But if you equipped it, Kazuma, it’d be just a normal sword.”
Aww, man…
Well, I worked hard for it. Maybe I ought to take it anyway.
“Okay. Well, when he wakes up, remind him that he started this, so he doesn’t get to be upset about it. Come on, Aqua, let’s hit the Guild and make our report.”
I turned to go, but Mitsurugi’s girls raised their weapons.
“H-h-hold it right there!”
“Give back Kyouya’s sword. We refuse to acknowledge your victory!”
I stretched out my left hand toward the two girls, palm out.
“Fine. I don’t discriminate. I’m perfectly happy to beat up a couple of girls. Don’t expect me to hold back. For that matter, remember we’re out in public here. And there’s no telling what I might Steal…”
The two of them looked at my hand and backed up a little, distinctly uneasy. Perhaps they’d realized how much danger they were in.
“Ergh…” I could hear my party say together.
I admit, I was sorry they had to see me like that.
* * *
We finally made it back to the Guild Hall, dragging the borrowed cage.
Since we’d decided to give Aqua the whole reward, I let her and the others take care of the report, while I returned the horse and dropped off my “magic” sword somewhere I could retrieve it easily. At last I came to the Guild entrance, where…
“But whyyyy?!”
…I could hear Aqua’s petulant wail. She just couldn’t be happy until she’d caused a scene.
As I came inside, I saw a tearful Aqua clutching the clerk.
“I told you, I’m not the one who broke your cage! A guy named Mitsurugi did it! Why do I have to pay for it?!”
Oh, yeah. I guess he did break open the cage trying to “help” Aqua. Now she was left with the bill. After a bit more struggling, she seemed to accept the fact, took her reward, and trudged back to our table.
“After the price of the cage, the reward is…a hundred thousand eris. They said the cage was made of special metals via an arcane ritual, so it was worth two hundred thousand…”
I couldn’t help but feel for her.
She was certainly clear on her feelings about Mitsurugi.
“If I ever see him again, I’m gonna God Strike him so hard—! And I’m gonna make him pay me for that cage!”
Aqua sat and began flipping fiercely through the menu, grinding her teeth.
As far as I was concerned, if we ever saw him again, it would be too soon.
And then, as Aqua was still muttering angrily…
“So this is where you’ve been hiding—Kazuma Satou!”
Well, speak of the devil. Mitsurugi and his two hangers-on were standing in the doorway of the Guild Hall.
Mitsurugi—to whom I had not told my full name—strode over to our table and slammed his fist against it.
“Kazuma Satou! A certain young female Thief was only too happy to tell me about you—about how you are a panty-stealing devil! And your predilection for covering girls in slime is known in many quarters. They call you Kazuma the Cur!”
“Wait, wait, wait—who’s spreading that stuff around?”
I had a pretty good idea who the Thief was—it was the other rumors I was concerned about.
Some people in some shadowy corners were calling me a “cur”? Telling all kinds of stories about me?!
Mitsurugi approached me, his face serious—but in a single motion, Aqua stood between the two of us.
“…Lady Aqua. I vow to regain my magic blade from this man and defeat the Demon King. So, please… Please… Join my partyyyaaaargh!”
“What?! Kyouya!”
Without a word, Aqua decked Mitsurugi and sent him flying.
Mitsurugi’s two companions rushed over to where he lay crumpled on the floor.
He didn’t seem to understand why Aqua had punched him. Aqua, for her part, briskly walked up to him and grabbed him by the collar.
“They charged me for that cage you ruined! You had better pay me back! Three hundred grand! Did you know that cage was made of special metals and—and arcane rituals? It was expensive! Now pay up!”
Hadn’t she said it was worth two hundred thousand?
Mitsurugi—nursing a quickly forming bruise, sitting on his butt after having been punched, and overawed by Aqua’s onslaught—politely got out his wallet and gave her the money.
Aqua took the cash and then opened a menu, looking quite pleased with herself.
Mitsurugi had collected himself by that point. Clearly frustrated with Aqua, who was happily holding the menu in one hand and gesturing for a waiter with the other, he said to me in a voice heavy with regret:
“Even if your methods were dishonorable, a loss is a loss. And I said I would give you anything you asked, so I know what I am about to say may seem outrageous…but…I beg you! Will you not return my magic sword? It is of no special use to you. If you wield it, it will cut no better, strike no harder, than any weapon here… What do you say? If you want a sword, I’ll buy you the best one in the shop. So will you not give back my precious Gram?”
He was right. That was outrageous.
After all, as useless as she may be, Aqua was what I’d chosen to bring with me to this world. In other words, she was to me what the magic sword was to him. (Was she actually worth as much as a magic sword? Don’t ask.)
“What, you think it wouldn’t have been inexcusable to wager me against some non-magic sword? Or are you trying to say I’m worth only as much as the most expensive sword here? Some honor! What were you even thinking, asking someone to wager a goddess?! I’m tired of looking at you. Shoo! Shoo!”
Mitsurugi paled as Aqua waved the menu at him dismissively.
Well, I could hardly blame her for being upset—he was the one who’d come up with the whole idea of a bet to begin with.
“L-L-Lady Aqua, wait! By no means do I undervalue you—!”
Mitsurugi was distracted in his panic by Megumin, who gave a sharp tug on his sleeve.
“Huh? Ahem—can I help you, little girl…?”
Megumin pointed at me.
Specifically, at my waist.
“First, note that he is no longer wearing the magic sword.”
Noticing for the first time that the sword wasn’t at my hip, Mitsurugi almost choked.
“K-Kazuma Satou! Where is Gram? What have you done with my sword?!”
He clung to me, sweat running down his face. I had two words for him:
“Sold it.”
“Damn it allllll!”
Mitsurugi dashed from the Guild Hall, weeping.
“Sheesh, what’s with him, anyway?” It was shortly after Mitsurugi had fled the hall. Darkness approached Aqua, the room’s curiosity aroused by the commotion. “And…he keeps calling you a goddess, Aqua. What does he mean by that?”
Well, he said it so many times, I guess someone was bound to ask.
We’d made it this far, though. Maybe it was time to come clean with Megumin and Darkness.
I looked at Aqua, and she nodded as if she understood. Then she turned to Darkness and Megumin with an uncharacteristically serious expression. Picking up on Aqua’s attitude, the two of them listened just as gravely.
“I’ve been keeping this to myself, but I can tell you two. I am Aqua—the water deity worshipped by the Axis Church. It’s true! I—even I—am the goddess Aqua!”
“What was this, a dream you had?” they responded together.
“No, it wasn’t! Why did you say that in unison, anyway?”
I guess that’s about what you could expect…
That was when it happened.
“Urgent! Urgent! All adventurers, please equip your weapons and items and prepare for battle at the town gate!”
The familiar sound of an emergency announcement echoed through the streets.
“Again? Sure seems like we’ve had a lot of those lately.”
Did we have to go?
I guess we did. It was just such a pain, right after dealing with Mitsurugi and all…
I dragged myself up from the table.
“Urgent! Urgent! All adventurers, please equip your weapons and items and prepare for battle at the town gate! …Will Adventurer Kazuma Satou and his party in particular please hurry?”
“…What?”
Aww, man…what now?
