Vanity, Pride, and Vending Machines, Part 2
The idle talk among rich folks is livening up. Can we please just start the exhibition already?
Next to me, Hulemy, seeming equally bored, opens her mouth wide and yawns. Suori seems used to this, as she wonderfully feigns friendliness, pretending to be a well-bred young lady.
She’s even exchanging pleasantries with the girl in the blue dress. If they’re trying to maintain appearances, they’re both doing an excellent job of hiding what they really think.
Oh, and as I think that, Suori and her rival bow gracefully to the adults and head this way.
As they get closer, I’m able to make out their faces more clearly, and…yeah, they’re definitely not friends.
They may look like they’re smiling at each other, but both their cheeks are twitching. I can also hear them now.
“Mistress Suori, you needn’t have pushed yourself. You could have just twiddled your thumbs and watched in envy this time around.”
“Oh-ho-ho-ho. I could never do something like that. Mistress Kanashi, you, on the other hand, have such a frail constitution, so please, don’t force yourself. It would pain my conscience deeply if you had a heart attack out of shock.”
“Oh my, but how could it pain your conscience if you don’t have one?”
“Ufu-fu-fu. I knew about your stature and personality, but are your ears poor as well? How troublesome.”
Their conversation is riddled with so many thorns, I can scarcely believe I’m listening to children.
Their shoulders and foreheads jab into each other as they arrive in front of me. Unfortunately, I can’t see Hulemy’s expression, but I’m sure she’s grimacing.
“Come to think of it, Mistress Suori, is this the magic-item engineer you so hastily dug up?”
“Yes, that’s right. She’s incredibly talented, and her magic item is stunningly high quality. It doesn’t even compare to yours—no, even to compare it would be a pity.”
Wow, she’s brimming with confidence. She seems to really trust Hulemy and me.
The other young lady—the one called Kanashi—appears calm, but the eyes looking out from her thinly opened lids are anything but amicable.
“H-hmm. A female magic-item engineer? She does look intelligent, but… Well, no matter. Please, boast all you like while you still have the chance. I will look forward to your hopelessly frustrated face anon.”
If she had given a high-pitched laugh and walked away, it would have been perfect, but she seems to be holding back since others are watching.
“Ahhh, she makes me so mad! I’m terribly sorry to make you two uncomfortable.”
“Well, actually, your conversation was interesting.”
“Welcome.”
If it had been two adult women saying those things to each other, I might have felt fear. But the two of them being adorable girls makes me want to cheer them on, like I’m watching them attempt a performance beyond their abilities.
“I’m sorry for showing you something so distasteful. It looks like the time is near. Please wait here until it’s our turn.”
We don’t have anything to do while we wait, so I turn my ear to Hulemy’s talk of magic items until a man in tuxedo-like clothing exits through the back of the tent. He spreads his arms wide.
“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome, and thank you for coming. By your leave, I shall omit any needless preface. We will now begin the exhibition.”
He must be the moderator. Now I can relax and watch until it’s our turn.
They apparently decided on an order beforehand; a person in black comes up to us and whispers that we’ll be last in line.
The first to display is a plump man with the archetypal rich-person assortment of accessories, notably the rings on every finger. Next to him is a man in white clothing who looks high-strung, slender, and lanky compared with his companion. He must be their magic-item engineer.
They remove the cloth covering the magic item to reveal a… What is that? A circular pillar that only reaches up to a person’s waist, and its diameter is about the size of your palm. At a glance, it looks like a club that would be hard to use. A finicky weapon—it’s too short, and it’s fat besides. What kind of magic item is it?
“What sort of magic item is this?”
“This? This is a magic item that can transform into a variety of weapons.”
Oh! A magic item to tickle my boyish fancies.
“Really, now?” says Hulemy, her voice animated. Anything magic item–related seems to get her going. “I thought of something like that once, too. This should be good.”
The lanky magic-item engineer places it on a pedestal and does something with it. A split appears in the pillar, and it begins to transform. He inserts a hilt-like object into the side, and the pillar section splits apart and reforms, changing into an ax.
Next, the ax becomes a great sword, and then a spear. Its edge is sharp as any blade, equal to general weapons.
However, the crowd’s reaction is weak. Hulemy, too, just heaves a sigh. She doesn’t say a word. She must think it absurd.
And with good reason. This magic item could sell well as a multipurpose weapon, if it could split apart and reform automatically. But everything is done by hand… You have to disassemble it yourself, then reassemble it like a puzzle.
I feel waves of sorrow coming off the magic-item engineer as he desperately builds it.
The second, third, and fourth people up didn’t have anything too unusual—they were all better versions of things sold in stores. According to Hulemy’s interpretations anyway.
“Oh, right. That young lady’s magic item was up second to last, right? She seemed pretty confident. Let’s go have a look.”
The magic items thus far have been pretty lame. Is it okay to get my hopes up, just a little?
“Would you mind if I came to see as well?” asks Suori. “I’d like your instruction, Miss Hulemy.”
“Sure thing. It’s more fun to see stuff like this together.”
Whatever she may say, Suori seems interested too as she stares at Kanashi.
Her magic-item engineer is both tall and muscular; his white robe looks like it’s about to burst at the seams. With a constitution like that, he’d probably be more suited to hunting than engineering pursuits.
Their magic item is relatively big, about the same size as the well-built engineer. Now I’m really getting my hopes up. What could be under that cloth?
“Well then, allow me to explain. First, have a look.”
He takes the cloth off to reveal a golden doll. It looks like two red jewels are fitted into its head as eyes. Aside from that, it doesn’t look like any more than a female mannequin painted gold.
To be quite honest, it shows a complete lack of any design sensibilities.
“As I’m sure you are all aware, there exist several fiends that resemble the human form, such as wood fiends, crag fiends, and earth fiends. This magic item was born from that idea—a work of art that will obey a person’s orders.”
In other words, a golem, as they come up in fantasy. They’re famous for being magical creatures created by humans. I thought there would already be something like that in this world, but I guess there isn’t.
Come to think of it, when I first met Hulemy, she mentioned the impossibility of granting intelligence to a magic item. Remembering that, I look over to her and see her casting a dangerously sharp glare at the golden mannequin.
“Could that guy have…?” she mutters lowly.
I’ve got a bad feeling about this, but I have no way to ask, so I just need to be cautious of the mannequin.
“An intelligent magic item has long been the dream of magic-item engineers. And I have realized this dream! But they say actions speak louder than words. I will turn it on now, so please see it with your own eyes.”
He goes behind the vulgar gold mannequin, fiddles with something on its back, and its red eyes light up.
The mannequin, before standing completely still, slowly lifts one arm up, places it at its chest, and bows, earning an immediate murmur of admiration from the crowd.
“Suori, if something happens, stay with Boxxo. And call your friend over here, too.”
“Wh-why should I have to call Kanashi—?”
“If you don’t want her to die, get her over here. Boxxo, protect them if you need to.”
Suori tried to object, but upon realizing the danger after seeing Hulemy’s face, she swallowed it back down.
“If my fears are unfounded, everything will be fine. But if they’re right…things could get bad.”
“I…I understand. I don’t know what’s going on, but allowing her to be hurt would harm my dignity as her superior. I’ll be right back.”
“Quickly, if you can.”
Suori slowly nods before running over to Kanashi, who has been sending the occasional pride-filled glance our way.
“Boxxo, you remember when I told you it’s impossible to plant intelligence in a magic item?”
“Welcome.”
“Technology like that is still undiscovered. If you implant one with a human soul, it’s in the realm of possibility. But it’s so dangerous that the Magic-Item Engineering Society forbade it. There was a fool of a magic-item engineer before who implanted a giant rock puppet with a human soul, thinking it would be a powerful soldier if they could control it at will. Long story short, they couldn’t, and it destroyed a town.”
In other words, there’s a high chance this engineer violated taboo. Which is why Hulemy’s on her guard. We have to consider the worst case, that it goes out of control.
“Of course, if he’s more talented than I am, we won’t have a problem.”
A better engineer than Hulemy? I know she’s capable, but I still don’t have a handle on her level relative to others in this world. I’ve never had anyone to compare her to.
Wait, I have to pay attention. Observing the mannequin’s movements is more important than idle speculation.
At the man’s instructions, the mannequin walks, jumps, carries, and performs basic martial arts movements. To my amateur’s eyes, the movements seem smooth, like this engineer has done it well.
“What do you think of this wonderful magic item, everyone? It will obediently carry out your orders with excellence, never turning on you.”
He’s gloating. He spreads his arms wide, speaking fervently.
“Mistress Suori, what do you think of the magic item we produced? A moving magical doll that understands human words!”
It looks like she managed to get Kanashi over here. Suori ignores her stream of boasts, somehow holding herself back from arguing.
She seems to find Kanashi annoying, but she is worried about her. She’s got a bad mouth, but she’s a nice kid at heart. She’s pretty similar to Hulemy, actually.
Words of praise fly from the spectators as the mannequin obediently kneels next to the delighted engineer, awaiting its next orders.
It would be great if nothing else happened.
“IL… KI…LL…”
Wait, whose voice was that?
“Oh, he explained previously that it wasn’t able to speak,” says Kanashi. “He must have been keeping it secret. What a nice surprise that is!”
“It’s not nice at all,” says Hulemy. “Dammit, I was right. Both of you, stay right there. Don’t move.”
“All right,” says Suori.
“What? Huh? What’s going on?” says Kanashi, the conversation proceeding without her understanding the situation.
The air around Hulemy is tense. Her worst-case prediction must have come true.
“KIL…L…SOMEO…NE… KI…LL…”
“Wh-what’s wrong?” stammers the engineer. “I didn’t give it the powers of speech. What is going on? I…I have to stop it!”
The engineer goes around behind the golden mannequin and fiddles with something. As he does, the mannequin’s head spins around and looks at him.
“N-nooo! I pressed the emergency shutdown button! Why won’t you stop?!”
“ARE YOU…THE ONE…WHO AWOKE ME FROM MY SLUMBER?!”
A cry of despair from the mannequin fills the entire tent.
The large magic-item engineer is backing off, seeming dumbfounded, but the mannequin edges toward him, one arm hanging in front of it.
“You idiot!” shouts Hulemy. “Did you seal a human soul inside a puppet by force?! Hey, you, in the black clothes—go hold that thing down! I’ll handle the rest somehow!”
The black-clad bodyguards are flabbergasted, but they immediately remember their duty. They all jump on the mannequin at once, quickly binding its arms and legs, pinning it to the ground.
They are bodyguards, after all. They seem accustomed to this.
Hulemy places a hand on a round gem on the berserk mannequin’s back, then exhales. “Preventing a soul’s escape with a magic circle, and even using a brainwashing spell… You piece of shit. You’re a defiler of the dead!”
Hulemy, enraged, glares at the magic-item engineer. His face grows pale.
“It must have been so hard…,” she continues to the mannequin. “Sorry for waking you up. None of this is your fault. This time, you can rest in peace.”
As she whispers gently, her fingers trace something atop the gem. A moment later, the berserk mannequin’s head stops, and the red lights in its eyes go out.
“We can rest easy now. I undid the restraints and released the soul. It won’t ever move again.”
“N-no! I spent so many years on this research and finally came up with this technique! You couldn’t possibly undo it after a cursory glance!”
The magic-item engineer, unable to accept the facts, drops to his knees and sprays spittle everywhere as he cries out.
“Ha. Big talk for someone who used such a crude method. In the hands of Hulemy, it’s weaker than a baby frog fiend.”
That’s an extreme analogy, but I recall it being an expression in this world. Frog-fiend children are similar to tadpoles, with no combat power, weak enough that even children could stomp them out.
“H-Hulemy?! Mayhem’s Prodigy Hulemy?!”
“Don’t call me that.”
All the magic-item engineers in attendance seem shocked at the man’s outburst. She must be pretty famous in the industry.
“Hulemy? You mean the problem child who caused several explosions and small fires in her time at the School of Magic-Item Engineering? Though her grades were apparently excellent.”
“The rumors say she once made a sleeping drug that was so strong, it knocked out everyone at the school.”
“I heard she developed a chemical to purify water, and when she poured it into a dirty lake, it not only purified it, but evaporated all the water!”
Hulemy can hear the engineers talking, and she steadily grows redder and redder.
Would you knock it off already? Please, stop exposing the shame of her younger years!
In the end, the mannequin was broken to pieces, and the engineer responsible was escorted out by the guards.
The famous Hulemy—for better or worse—has a crowd of admirers around her now. Looking at her embarrassed-yet-happy expression makes me feel like that alone makes the commotion worth it.
There’s something to be said for Suori, too, as others lavish her with praise for the personal magic-item engineer she employed. With a huge grin on her face, she speaks to Kanashi, who bites a handkerchief in frustration.
The commotion was annoying, but they’ve accepted Hulemy, and Suori seems satisfied, so I think we can deem our mission a success.
The only unresolved matter is—well, the cloth is still covering me. Do I not get a chance to show off? Hey, did you all forget about something?
