A Love, Ended
“How could you, Kanako...? Why would you ever bully Hikari-chan...?”
“I didn’t! I never bullied her! Listen to me, I just—”
“I already know why. I heard that you have a crush on me.”
A scene right out of a classic YA drama was unfolding in an after-school classroom. On one hand you have the gentle, handsome, mild-mannered boy, and on the other you have the popular, fashionable girl. In a certain sense, they were made for each other. And they were childhood friends, on top of it! Plus, the girl (that is, Mikura) was apparently in love with the boy (Murata). Who could’ve possibly seen that coming?
“But, I’m sorry. I’m in love with Hikari-chan.” Mikura gasped, but Murata kept going. “I’m pretty sure that she has feelings for me too... I can’t go out with you, Kanako.”
She was not taking it well, and her face was twisted with sorrow. How pitiful. It’s not like she wasn’t perfectly attractive herself—she’d just been carried away by her jealousy, driven to bullying by her feelings for Murata. He, in contrast, cast her aside without the slightest hint of mercy.
“Seiji, please,” she cried.
“I want you to stop harassing Hikari-chan. If you don’t...” He paused, then delivered the finishing blow. “I’m through with you.”
Murata left the room, and Mikura broke down in sobbing, wailing tears. With that, I supposed, one love has come to an end. The jealousy she’d felt when she realized the man she loved was himself in love with Ayase must’ve been too much to bear, and she resorted to isolating Ayase in an effort to rid herself of that envy. Her own actions led to her heart being broken. But none of that was anything remarkable—I was sure that sort of thing happened all the time.
I didn’t feel that bad for her. Why should I? It’s not like she died. And it’s not like she’d never fall in love again—this world’s really flexible about that sort of thing. Not even marriage can rule that out, seeing as divorce is an option here. Heartbreak on that scale would suck in the moment, sure, but she’d get over it eventually and it’d be filed away with all her other adolescent memories. The journey of life goes on. She’ll get renewed for another season someday.
Anyway, that pretty much wrapped up Ayase’s at-school problems. With their leader out of commission, her class would give up on ostracizing her before long. Mikura might’ve still bore some resentment towards her, but if she tried anything funny, Murata wouldn’t let it pass. Unfortunately for her, he was more than just her one-sided crush. He was her childhood friend, and that’s not a relationship you can do away with that easily. The same went for Murata as well, of course.
I offered my internal thanks to the student council president for making good on her word and inciting Murata to act, then made a stealthy exit from the classroom I’d been spying on.
“Might as well head home,” I muttered to myself. I wasn’t about to stick my neck out and try to comfort Mikura. Why would I? I’m no protagonist. And besides, I knew that the most sympathetic thing I could do for her was to let her cry it out in peace, then move on as soon as possible. I did feel the need to send a silent word of thanks to her as well before I left, though. She’d gained nothing but animosity and ill will out of the matter, but thanks to her actions, my next move would be a lot easier to pull off.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
I happened to exit the school just as the sports clubs were wrapping up their practice and clearing off the field.
“Oh, hey! If it isn’t Friend A-senpai!”
I was all set to ignore them and head home until somebody called my name. Glancing back at the field, I saw the track team’s first-year ace, Kazuki Rena. She had a few hurdles slung over her shoulder—I guess cleanup’s a job for the first-years, even if the one in question does happen to be the best runner on the team.
“Hello, aaand goodbye.”
“Oh, no you don’t! C’mon, these things are super heavy! You wouldn’t walk right past a girl who’s carrying a bunch of bulky junk and go home without offering to help, would you?”
“For your information, the world’s gradually moving in the direction of true gender equality! It doesn’t matter whether you’re a boy or a girl—and by the way, you’re just asking to get sued for sexual harassment, talking like that.”
“Okay, but you’re still my senpai! Help an underclassman out?”
“Try that line on the upperclassmen who’re actually in your club.” I was totally in the right, for the record, but she did look like she was having a hard time with the hurdles, so I ended up carrying some of them for her in spite of everything. Kazuki had a pretty slender build, and watching a girl like her struggle around with her arms full of massive hurdles made me feel pretty exci— Ahem, guilty. She said she didn’t want to foist them all off on me, so I took half of her load, leaving each of us with just two to deal with. Four of those things is just too much for a normal girl to carry, unless she has the ability to sprout an extra pair of arms, or something to that effect.
“Anyway, shouldn’t you have asked Kaito to help out with this? That’d work out better for you, right?”
“You were the one who happened to pass by, so I went with what I could get,” she said with a grin. “Plus, I’m over Ayase-senpai.”
“Bwuh?!’” I did a sort of half shout, half spit take out of pure shock. A heroine had just admitted defeat, apropos of nothing, right in front of me! She’d been knocked out of the contest for Kaito’s heart, just like that!
Kazuki had been in love with Kaito. I was pretty positive about that. He’d apprehended some creeper who’d tried to grope her on a crowded train, and she’d thought of him as her hero ever since. No real surprise she ended up being targeted—she was slender, beautiful, and basically adorable, with a prominent tan giving her a certain sexiness as well. The guy probably just couldn’t resist! He couldn’t resist arrest, that’s for sure!
I was actually there at the time too. I didn’t really do much, though—Kaito was the one who caught the guy and helped take care of Kazuki after it was over. All that I really contributed was keeping the groper from escaping with a well-placed kick and keeping him restrained until the cops showed up. I happened to identify myself as “Friend A” at the time, and I guess that stuck in her mind. Not that any of that matters right now!
“Did you tell him how you feel?”
“Nope.”
“Then why are you giving up?! Don’t back off before you even try!!!”
“Well, I mean, I guess I just realized I was being really immature about the whole thing. Like, I’m not even totally sure if I was ever in love-love with him in the first place. I had a crush on him, but that’s different, y’know?”
“Seriously...?”
“And I guess I’m just more interested in running than dating right now. Ayase-senpai’s super cool and hot and all, but he and Kotou-senpai make a really cute couple too.”
“Kotou?! What does Kotou have to do with any of this?! Don’t tell me—is she blackmailing you?!”
“Do you really think she’s that kind of person, Senpai?” Kazuki rolled her eyes. “It’s not like that. It’s just, like, when I really took a look at her, I realized that the way I feel about him isn’t quite the same as the way she does. Y’know how every once in a while when you’re talking to Ayase-senpai, you get the feeling that somebody’s watching you and plotting your murder? That’s totally Kotou-senpai, one hundred percent.”
So Kotou Tsumugi’s awakened to her inner yandere nature after all...? And that’s barely even different from what I just said!
“So, yup, that’s that for me being in love—for now! I mean, except for running, I totally love that. It’s my purpose in life! There’s more than one way to spend your youth, right?” Her smile didn’t falter for a second, and I had to conclude that she was being totally sincere. But I had to wonder—was she really okay with that? I mean, sure, things have been pretty crazy lately, but are you seriously planning on just fading out of the story without getting any real screen time, or even any decent characterization? Kazuki? Hey, Kazuki?! Hello?!
“Running’s pretty great, y’know? Ever think about giving it a shot, Friend A-senpai?”
“Are you really trying to scout a second-year right before summer vacation starts?” Not that I’d have been any more receptive to the idea if she’d invited me earlier.
We arrived at the PE storehouse and put away the hurdles. That was the first time I’d registered how obnoxious it was that the storehouse was off on the side of the gymnasium, way the heck away from the field.
“Thanks, Friend A-senpai!”
“No prob.”
“Hey, do you wanna walk home together? I just have to take a shower, get changed, and go to our club’s wrap-up meeting first.”
“Y’know, I think I’ll pass, thanks.”
“Suit yourself!” Let the record show that the two of us weren’t super close or anything. No, seriously. Our relationship was distant enough that if Kazuki hadn’t had the news about her giving up on Kaito to share with me, we wouldn’t have had anything to talk about at all. She did have enough faith in me to tell me about her love troubles, I guess, but I didn’t read into that too deeply. I had a feeling that she was just the sort of person who’s pretty open about those things.
As for me, I was in a state of shock. Can you blame me? I’d gotten so wrapped up in another supporting character’s love life that I’d somehow completely missed a heroine falling out of the race!
Kiryu’s attraction to Kaito was probably just my misunderstanding in the first place, Renge was more interested in messing with me than being one of his heroines, and Kazuki was genuinely in love with him, but gave up on it. Kaito’s rom-com journey was supposed to be full of twists and turns until he finally picked a single heroine’s route to pursue, but before I knew it, Kotou was the only one actually left in the running.
I mean, don’t get me wrong—Kotou was a really nice girl, and I thought they’d make a great couple too. But one heroine doesn’t make a harem. With how things were developing, a best friend character like me would be a nuisance, at best. Not that that’s what really mattered!
As long as Kaito was happy, everything was A-okay in my book. Didn’t matter whether he was with Kotou, or whoever. It’s just that in the anime that Renge showed me, it was super common for the male lead to have feelings for a bunch of different girls at once. I got it in my head that that was how happiness looked.
But of course, I’d always been of the personal opinion that cultivating and nurturing a relationship with just one heroine would be nicer overall. In reality, a harem would mean that no matter how many of them he had feelings for, Kaito would have to choose somebody eventually, and the rest of them would unavoidably be hurt by his choice. Right?
Maybe I was never needed in this whole equation in the first place. The thought made me feel miserable and helpless in a way I don’t think I even have the words to describe.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
Later that evening, I scrolled through my phone’s contact list. It was right around time for the daily call, and the odds were good that if I just waited around, she’d reach out again and spare me the trouble. Even so, I decided to take the initiative. After a few rings, I heard a somewhat nervous but euphonious voice reply.
“Hello? Is that you, Senpai?”
“Yeah, it is. Evening.”
“Good evening... I’m surprised you called me tonight! You never do that.” Her voice was definitely a bit stiff, like she was tensed up. I could also hear something moving around, though I couldn’t tell what.
“You busy right now?”
“N-No, but, I mean, you called out of nowhere! I wasn’t ready for this...”
“Should I call back?”
“N-No! No, I’m fine. Give me just a moment to calm down.” She must’ve moved away from the phone, but not far enough. I could hear her as she took a few long, deep breaths. I found it charming. When she got back, I continued.
“So you didn’t make it to school today, huh?”
“Well, I mean...” she began, sounding a bit sulky. I figured she was about to launch into an excuse, but instead, she just clammed up.
“All right, fine,” I sighed. “I’ll give you a test.”
“A test? What do you mean?”
“You remember the park where we met a while back? Aoba Park? Meet me there.”
“Huh?”
“Did you realize that I went all the way to your house to see you this morning? I’d rather not waste my time and energy like that again, thanks.”
“You did?! Really?!”
“Anyway, you get the picture. See you there.” She sounded shocked and confused, but I hung up anyway, then heaved a sigh. I was actually already at Aoba Park, sitting on the bench that Ayase and I had occupied the last time we were here. I stared idly at the nearby antique of a lamppost.
I was uncharacteristically nervous, clenching my fists unconsciously until they were all gross and sweaty. My heart was pounding a hole in my chest. I only had to wait a few minutes, but it felt like hours had passed.
Finally, she appeared, panting and gasping for breath. From the look of things, she’d thrown a jacket on over her pajamas and rushed out the door, just like that. She broke into a slight, just barely noticeable smile the moment she saw me, but immediately forced her face back into a frown, trying to look upset as she ran up to me.
“What’d you, hah, call me, hah, out here, hah, for, Senpai?” she said, panting.
“That was fast. Here, have some water.” I offered her a plastic bottle that I’d bought in advance. She accepted it and took a sip, then frowned and gave me a skeptical glance.
“This is a sports drink, not water.”
“What’s the problem? Considering you just went for a run, I’d say that means I’m being more considerate, if anything. You thought it was water, but surprise, it was actually a sports drink! Lucky you, right?”
“You could’ve just told me what it was when you gave it to me. You’re a pretty twisted person, you know, Senpai?”
“Hah, as if! I bet you’ve never met a man more sincere and up-front than me!” Ayase sighed and shrugged exasperatedly, then sat down beside me. Probably doesn’t even bear mentioning at this point, but I mean right beside me. Less bumping-shoulders range, more arms-pressed-right-into-each-other’s.
“Kinda hot, isn’t it?”
“Yeah... It is.” Then, think you could give me some space? I had a feeling that even though she’d agreed with me, she meant it with a very different nuance than I had. I didn’t draw attention to that, though, and took a gulp out of my own water bottle. Summer was in full swing, but the air was actually a bit chilly that night. Certainly not warm enough to inflame any passions.
“You all right with being outside?” I asked.
“I think I feel a lot better about it now, yeah. I doubt that people like that guy show up very often.”
“True enough.” I was surprised by how easy that was. Apparently she’d recovered a lot more than I’d expected.
“And besides, I knew you’d be there to protect me.”
“Huh?”
“It was the same last time too. I think I can probably relax because I know you’re around, Senpai. That’s why I was fine going outside.”
—I think I can relax because you’re here for me, Koh.
Her words overlapped with hers. They always had, really. Ayase’s did, Kaito’s did... And as for me...
“I’m not as strong as you’re giving me credit for. You really shouldn’t expect that much out of me...”
“It’s not about being strong, weak, or anything like that.” Ayase gazed up into the night sky as she spoke. “My brother’s always been something like a surrogate parent for me. Our parents are still alive, but they work overseas, and they’re almost never at home... My brother’s always pushed himself to try and protect me, and I always hated that.”
“Oh, but I’m grateful too, of course!” she added with a chuckle. I couldn’t think of anything to say in response. Kaito had been a pretty different person before I met him—or rather, he’d changed a lot since I met him. His smile used to be stiff and forced, and he was the sort of habitually quiet person who never voiced his own opinions. That’s how he seemed to me, anyway.
“But after he got into Oumei High, Kaito changed. He still put my needs above everything else, but he got a lot more cheerful, and started telling me about the things that happened to him at school.”
“That so?”
“And he talked about you more than anything else, Kou-senpai.” Her smile was brilliant, and the flickering light from the lamppost was just bright enough to reveal that she was faintly blushing. “Neither of us have ever had very many friends. We’ve known Tsumugi-chan ever since we were kids, so she’s a bit special, but her aside... Anyway, I think that’s probably why he was so ecstatic that he finally made friends with a boy in his class.”
“Well, that’s kinda embarrassing.”
“You’re telling me! He talked about you so much, it felt like I knew everything about you, even though I’d never actually met you... Or, well, I guess you could say I started getting curious about you before I knew it. That’s why I can believe in you. I spent so long wondering what sort of person you were, and when I actually met you, you were so, so much more than I expected...” He really told her that much about me?
“Is talking about this sort of thing awkward for you?” she asked.
“I dunno...” If I had to pick one way or another, then yeah, it was awkward. It was putting me on the spot, that was for sure. Still, though, I didn’t want to cut her off.
“I know you might not believe me, but back when we first met, I actually wondered if you might be the Kunugi Kou-senpai that Kaito always talks about. But then I asked you your name and you said you were him!”
“I do feel bad about that, by the way.”
“Oh? Because it turned out I was Ayase Kaito’s very own sister?”
“Well...” I hesitated. “Okay, yeah, maybe.” I wouldn’t have claimed to be Ayase Kaito if I’d known in advance that she was Ayase Hikari, that’s for darn sure. I probably wouldn’t have called myself Kunugi Kou either. Picking a name she knew meant I’d failed in my quest to be as much of an unknown in her mind as possible. But brooding over what-ifs is pointless. It’s pointless, but I just can’t help myself. I can’t help but wonder about how things could’ve been if I wasn’t me, and if she wasn’t her.
“Is that why you’re so considerate of me? Because I’m Ayase Kaito’s little sister?”
That one left me at a loss. She leaned forward, looking up at my face, and even as I leaned back to get some distance I looked her in the eye as well. The lantern light flickered in my peripheral vision.
My mind wandered back to earlier in the day—to Mikura Kanako, and to Kazuki Rena. In the end, after Mikura’s feelings had been crushed, why hadn’t I tried to talk to her and offer her some support? No, that’s not the right question. Why did I think it was all right for her to be hurt in the first place?
Was it because I’d thought of her as a villain for bullying Ayase? Wasn’t getting her denounced like that disproportionate, considering all she’d really done was ignore her? Sure, it was possible that the situation could’ve escalated in time, but was that really a good enough reason for me to drag Renge into the issue and wipe the problem out as quickly and forcefully as possible?
I hadn’t considered any of those things at all until I heard about how Kazuki Rena had given up on Kaito. That was probably the trigger that set my mind turning. The details of their circumstances were totally different, but even so, both Kazuki’s and Mikura’s loves had come to an end. Would I have still been able to bring myself to be so cruel to Mikura if I’d learned about Kazuki giving up on her own love beforehand...? Hearing her story brought the transience, uncertainty, and value of love to the front of my mind. It made me realize that it’s a feeling to be treasured.
“Senpai?”
Ayase’s voice cut through my thoughts. I realized that I’d been so absorbed in them, I’d totally tuned out whatever it was she said a moment before.
“Err, sorry. What was that?”
“Never mind!” Apparently, I’d upset her. She pursed her lips and pulled back away from me. She really was different from Mikura, in the sense that I was actually concerned about whether or not I’d hurt her. But what about Kazuki? Or Kiryu, or Renge, or Kaito? Kotou? Yoshiki? Daimon-sensei? Who would I be willing to hurt? Who would I judge as off-limits?
“Have you made any friends, Ayase?”
“Huh?”
“Y’know, like Kaito. You were just talking about how happy he was after he found a guy his age he could be friends with—what about you?”
“I have! And you already know about her, remember? Yuu-chan? She might not be ready to say we’re friends for sure, but she’s the only one who thinks that way.”
“So you like her?”
“Of course I do! Yuu-chan really has two sides to her. She’s super quiet and meek with people she doesn’t know very well, but when she’s with me she gets so loud and excited and adorable, you’d think she was a different person! She’s like a hyper little chipmunk... I’m sort of jealous, honestly. I could never be cute like she is.”
That was actually less surprising to hear from her than I might’ve thought. Ayase was a model student, and I could definitely imagine her being envious of how Yoshiki could be shamelessly free and uninhibited in some circumstances.
“I don’t think you really have anything to be jealous of, though.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well, I mean... You can’t really assess people’s good qualities objectively, right? Everyone has their own idea about what’s a good quality and what’s a bad one, or what’s cute and what isn’t. Everyone’s different.” I was more or less on autopilot, talking in an unfiltered stream of consciousness.
“D-Do you think so...?” Ayase replied, her voice wavering slightly.
“I sorta have to. Otherwise, people with no redeeming qualities like me would be better off kicking the bucket and hoping we get lucky next reincarnation, right?”
“You have plenty of good qualities, Senpai!”
“D-Do I?”
“Yeah! Like—”
“Nah, don’t start. Hearing that sort of stuff face-to-face sounds really embarrassing, and it’d sorta feel like I forced you into saying them too. Hard to take praise at face value when you fished for it.”
“You really are pretty twisted, after all.” She chuckled exasperatedly. It felt like she was starting to relax a bit. “Have it your way, Senpai, but let me say just one thing.”
“What?”
Ayase stood up, almost nonchalantly taking my hand as she did so. She clasped it between her own hands and looked me straight in the eye. I stayed seated and returned her gaze.
“I like you, Senpai.”
“...‘Like’?”
“I know we’ve only just met, but still... I love you.”
Her face flushed scarlet as she confessed her love to me.
In an instant, I felt something welling up within me. It was the same sensation I felt the first time I came face-to-face with her, back in Kaito’s house. She made me remember her. Her love. Her death. My trauma was pounding away inside my mind, desperately calling for my attention, trying to deliver a message.
Are you going to walk the same path all over again?
I heard it loud and clear. But no—I wouldn’t go down that road again. I’d never even dream of it. All I wanted to do was protect Hikari and Kaito. This time, for sure...
“Seriously, this is ridiculous... Can’t believe you’d even say it the same way.”
“What...?”
“Ayase—Hikari, you’re a lot like somebody I used to know.” A lot like her? Hardly—she was exactly like her. It was like they were the same person. My memories and my heart were both in agreement on that point. “I don’t really understand ‘love,’ honestly.”
“Huh?”
“At what point does it stop being platonic, and start being romantic...? I don’t get all that stuff. ’Course, I can’t allow myself to want to be with someone like that in the first place.” That hadn’t changed, and so nothing else that would follow would change as well. As long as he was like him, she was like her, and I was like me, then I knew the siblings would once again meet a terrible fate.
It was irrational. There was no great evil menacing this world. But no matter how many times I talked myself through that logic, the fear still wriggled its way into the deepest reaches of my mind and refused to leave.
“This sort of thing always sticks with you. Whether it’s the happiness of having your feelings reciprocated or the heartbreak of being rejected, a little bit of that feeling will always linger in your heart.”
“Kou-senpai?” I couldn’t bear to keep looking at her and turned my gaze to the sky, but there wasn’t a star up there to be seen. A dull, stagnant darkness stretched out above me. An unsettling void that didn’t even have the decency to swallow me up into it. I felt my hand suddenly tremble, surprising Hikari so much she let out a small yelp.
It doesn’t even matter anymore. No matter how I answered her confession, those traces would remain with her. So I didn’t need to answer at all. I held her hand, returning her grip—then pulled her towards me. Hikari was light enough that it didn’t take much force at all, and she stumbled forward, right into me. Then I wrapped my other arm around her, resting my hand on the back of her head.
“S-S-S-Senpai?!”
“Hey, Hikari?” I whispered. “I’m a wizard.”
“Huh...?”
“I’m about to cast a spell that’ll wipe away all of your trauma, for good.” It was the third and final of Kunugi Kou’s ultimate techniques... Not. It wasn’t anything deserving a grandiose name like that. It was nothing more than a defect that just happened to stick with me. “Your trauma’s not the only thing that’ll disappear, though.”
“Senpai, what’re you...?”
If I were the protagonist, I’d probably have found a better answer than this. I’d have uncovered some incredible option that would let everyone have a happy ending. Protagonists are a bunch of dirty cheaters. They stroll through life without the slightest of worries, and whenever they hit a fork in the road, a third path that solves everything perfectly for everyone magically materializes. Meanwhile, I can’t make so much as a single person happy.
In the end, I couldn’t pull off being a half-decent sidekick and Kaito might never have been a harem comedy’s protagonist in the first place. But even if all my assumptions and preconceptions crumbled around me, I knew one thing for certain:
Kunugi Kou must not get the girl, let alone Ayase Hikari.
And with that answer in mind, my path was clear.
Hikari let out a quiet gasp as a pale light spilled from my hand. Her expression faded away and her gaze turned hollow and vacant as she slumped forward listlessly. Her head lulled to the side, and I felt her grip on my hand weaken. I pulled her towards me, holding her in my arms to make sure she didn’t fall. It took everything I had to swallow the surge of nausea that was clawing its way up my throat.
I destroyed all of it. The degenerate flasher who’d foisted a lasting trauma upon her, the hero who’d saved her from his assault, and by association, each and every memory that was linked to them. Each and every memory she had with me.
It was a spell of forgetting—of oblivion. A cursed power that I created long ago to kill myself. Disregarding all of this world’s laws and logic, trampling over all boundaries with pure power like the fraud I am, I callously laid hands upon Ayase Hikari’s innocent, adolescent love—and I killed it. Like a pathetic, contemptible coward, and without even offering an answer to the confession she’d mustered up all of her courage to deliver.
I felt it. I sensed it, and that sensation would linger on in my hand, clear as day.
