Secret Sidekick Man

The next morning, I got up about a half hour earlier than usual and headed off in an equally unusual direction, making my way towards a certain place. Okay, so “a certain place” makes it sound way more dramatic than it actually was, but bear with me. I arrived at my destination, leaned up against a nearby wall, and waited for a few minutes more.

“Huh? That you, Kou?”

A boy walked out of the house in front of me. His eyes widened the moment he noticed I was there.

“Morning, Kaito.”

“M-Morning—wait, no, seriously, what’re you doing here?”

“I’ve been waiting for you...and your sister.” That’s right—I woke up early so that I could make it to Kaito’s house before he left! As for why I bothered, well, I just told him myself. Unfortunately, my secondary target—Ayase Hikari—was nowhere to be seen. “I sorta got worried after what you told me yesterday. She’s staying home again today?”

“Thanks for thinking about her, but yeah, sorry. She did manage to get ready for school today, at least, but I guess she couldn’t go through with it...”

“Makes sense.”

“Should I call her out here?”

“Nah, it’s cool. We can’t exactly force her to go, and walking to school with my best friend sounds pretty nice as is. Feels like it’s been ages.” I wrapped my arm around Kaito’s shoulder and dragged him along with me. He seemed a bit flustered by how pushy I was being, but he didn’t resist or anything.

I’d more or less assumed that Ayase Hikari wouldn’t make an appearance. My objective was to see for myself whether or not she’d be at school that day—the actual answer didn’t matter much to me, as long as I knew. If anything, things would be easier without her around.

A little while after we set off, I heard footsteps behind us and turned around to find Kotou running our way. No surprise there. I mean, they were neighbors and all.

“Hey, Kaito! And Kunugicchi, too?! Don’t see you here every day!”

“Morning, Tsumugi. Get this—Kou was so worried about Hikari, he actually waited for us outside our house!”

“No way! Guess you can be a pretty good dude every once in a while!”

“I’m a good dude on a fundamental level, thank you very much.” We said our hellos and walked along together for a while, until suddenly, Kotou came to a stop. As soon as we noticed, Kaito and I paused as well.

“Are you waiting for somebody, Tsumugi?” Kaito asked, carelessly. Come on, dude. What’re you gonna do if she says she’s waiting for some guy? Not that Kotou’d actually say anything like that.

“Yeah, uhh, a friend’s supposed to... Ah, there she is! Heeey! Over here!” Kotou waved at a figure in the distance. Looking a bit closer, it was a girl. A student, specifically, and she was walking in our direction. She started to timidly return Kotou’s wave, but the moment she noticed me, a skeptical look came over her face and she lowered her hand again.

“Huh? Wait, what’s happening here?” I asked, confused out of my mind. Kaito, who was apparently slightly quicker on the uptake than me for once, grinned wryly. Kotou, meanwhile, was grinning with inexplicable triumph and puffing out her perfectly average chest.

“Morning, Kyouka-chan!”

“Good morning, Kotou-san... So, why are you here?” Kotou’s so-called “friend” was none other than Kiryu Kyouka. She returned Kotou’s greeting, then immediately set her sights on me.

“That’s my line! Like...what? You had plans to meet up with Kotou on the way to school?”

“Sure did!” Kotou answered in Kiryu’s stead. I’d been there the morning before when they came to some sort of sudden understanding, of course, but I’d never imagined they’d become good enough friends to walk to school together. It was kinda blowing my mind. Rock can’t beat paper, but apparently rock and paper can be friends? I’m so moved, I might shed a tear!

“Did you know about this, Kaito?”

“I guess. Y’know.” Oh, so he had been informed in advance! I felt left out for a second, but then it occurred to me that I was even more of an irregular element in the scene than Kiryu was. Actually, considering I’m all that’s standing in the way of Kaito walking to school with a heroine on each arm, isn’t there a teeny tiny chance it would’ve been better for me to not show up at all?

“So Hikari-chan didn’t come in the end, after all...?” Kotou muttered uncharacteristically quietly, glancing over Kaito’s shoulder at the nobody who stood behind him.

“Looks like she needs a bit more time,” he replied.

“Oh.” She’d spent the previous evening taking care of Ayase the Younger, so it only took a few words to tell her everything she needed to know. As a result, only one person present was left unable to follow the conversation: Kiryu.

“What are you talking about?” She cocked her head slightly and turned to me for context.

“It’s complicated.”

“...I see.” Either she wasn’t very interested or she decided that it wasn’t worth worrying about. One way or another, Kiryu let the subject drop without prying further. If you’re not gonna bother, then don’t ask in the first place.

It wasn’t like I was gonna shout “big trouble—the protagonist’s sister is a shut-in!” to the high heavens, or anything like that. I’m not that much of a gossip. If anyone was going to spill the beans to Kiryu, it’d probably be her friend-as-of-yesterday, Kotou, and if Kotou hadn’t said anything, then surely I didn’t have to either. After all, I didn’t have anything to do with Ayase Hikari myself (or at least that’s the story I was sticking to in public).

“All right, everybody! Oumei High, ho! Let’s-a-go!” Kotou tried to pull us all back together, leading the way towards our school. Unsurprisingly, Kotou and Kiryu ended up chatting together up ahead while Kaito and I followed along a short ways behind.

“Kinda nice to see, huh?” I mumbled.

“You mean Tsumugi and Kyouka?” replied Kaito.

“Yeah. Kotou always felt really on-guard around Kiryu up until just recently, right?”

“True that. Looks like they finally managed to work things out. I’m glad.”

“Hard same.” Seeing Kotou overwhelmed by the difference in scale between her and Kiryu the other day wasn’t exactly pleasant for me. Everyone’s got their strong points, so no need to harp on the weak ones. I was, however, still pretty perplexed by her sudden change of heart. I’d been under the impression that she didn’t really get along with Kiryu—hell, at the worst of times I thought she outright hated her, and I assumed Kaito was to blame for that.

As far as I could tell, Kotou thought that Kaito had a thing for Kiryu, and Kotou ended up fixating on her as a result. Forget about the part where I exacerbated the situation whenever possible. Kiryu aside, Kotou also seemed to be on-guard around Kazuki (the first-year girl on the track team) and the student council president too. Jealousy is only one step away from envy, and there’s a reason that’s one of the seven deadly sins! She was definitely a something-dere, and I just had to pray that her prefix wasn’t “yan.”

All that said, I still had absolutely no clue why Kiryu had suddenly dropped off Kotou’s radar. Watching them from behind, it actually looked like Kotou was the one trying proactively to be friendly with her. Kiryu seemed a bit overwhelmed, if anything.

“...Man, I really don’t get girls,” I mumbled.

“Yeah, but you know what they say: women’s minds change as quickly as trees in autumn,” Kaito casually replied. We were on pretty much the same wavelength. Kaito had probably been even more worried about the two of them not getting along than I was, actually. He’s a real non-confrontationalist, as a general rule.

That said, umm, Kaito? You realize that that expression was originally about “men’s minds,” right? It’s used in a derogatory sense to ridicule women for being ruled by their emotions these days, but it used to be more specifically about how men fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat. This knowledge has been brought to you by the ten billion worksheets that Daimon-sensei made me do! Don’t bother taking notes, ’cause it probably won’t be on the test! That said, I could hardly think of a better expression to describe the average rom-com protagonist.

If I were the protagonist in a harem story, though, I’m pretty sure I’d settle on a single heroine at the end of it all. That’s how it should be, in my book. As things stood, Kaito had four potential partners... Well, three, discounting Kiryu. It was totally possible that that number would go up in the future—but even if it didn’t, he had plenty of options to agonize over.

And if he ever does choose a single heroine to pursue, I intend to back him up as hard as I possibly can. After I’ve conducted a thorough investigation and determined that she’s good enough for him, that is. That’s pretty much my whole reason for being here.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
The four of us arrived at school and chatted with each other as we waited for class to start. When the time came, we went off to our desks and quietly listened to our teacher’s morning lecture. Each class at our school had somewhere around thirty students or so, but even with that many kids packed into the same room, our studies were generally an individual affair. Each student waged their own solitary war, responsible for their grades alone with no expectation of support from their peers.

I mean, you can’t exactly split the work when “the work” is memorizing vocabulary or learning how to solve complex formulae. I mean, sure, you could borrow (and copy) a classmate’s notes, ignoring your teacher’s lessons in their entirety, but that’d be super inefficient. Studying on your own and studying in class are fundamentally different things; no matter how many worksheets or textbooks you pore through, it doesn’t guarantee that you’ll do well on exams. Classes and tests are more or less a dialogue between you and your teacher. Just cramming knowledge into your head isn’t enough, obnoxious though that truth might be.

Unnecessarily long story short: I found all my classes incredibly tedious. No matter how many worksheet mountains I climbed, no matter how well I understood the material, it wouldn’t make the classroom atmosphere feel any less uncomfortable. The discomfort had nothing to do with the material or the lesson at all, in fact—I just felt inescapably out of place.

I was certain that Ayase would experience that same feeling in the future. I’d only cut a class here and there over the past several days, but she’d been missing all of hers for an entire week! And that’s not even mentioning the fact that the cause of her truancy stemmed from her class itself. Even if she did willingly go back to school, she’d probably feel even more out of place than I did, by a long shot. Ugh.

“That was a pretty big sigh, huh, Kunugi?” I rested my chin in my hands and sighed deeply, only to notice the next instant that Daimon-sensei was standing right next to me. Oh. Right. This period’s classical literature, isn’t it? I’d been so immersed in my thoughts, I hadn’t even noticed until just then. Every gaze in the classroom landed upon me, and I felt even more uncomfortable than ever. I really didn’t want to get subjected to a public scolding—it was time to resort to my last-ditch ace in the hole (which also happened to be my first-ditch ace in the hole)!

“Ugh, aaah, my stomach, it hurts so muuuuch!”

She silently glared a hole in me. Ow! Sensei, stop! The pain! Okay, screw it, this is no time to be worrying about appearances!

“Grrrrrruunngghhhhhhh!”

An incredibly loud grumble resounded throughout the classroom: the characteristic melody of my own stomach. It echoed on in everyone’s ears long after the actual sound faded. Witness the first of Kunugi Kou’s three ultimate techniques: the Stomach Rumbler! It’s exactly what it sounds like: a technique that makes my stomach rumble very loudly.

“A-Are you okay?” Yes, indeed, it made my stomach rumble loudly enough that even my ever-cool teacher went pale with worry. Now’s my chance!

“U-Umm, sorry, but I’m gonna run to the restroom, if that’s okay...?”

“Got it; go ahead.” Victory! I’d successfully created a good enough pretext to get my teacher to let me leave the classroom. The price I paid, however, was dire indeed. Judging by how they were acting, the noise I’d just made was so over the top that at least half my classmates were convinced I’d actually soiled myself. An especially large percentage of the girls were grimacing at me and holding their noses. I swear I heard someone whisper “Gross...”

Whatever! Who cares! It’s not like I actually crapped my pants!
That was during third period, right around eleven in the morning. Lunchtime was still a bit over an hour away. I’ll just tell ’em that my stomach didn’t feel better after I used the restroom, so I spent the rest of the period in the health room.

Having casually decided to ditch the rest of my class, I headed off not towards the toilets—of course—but rather in the direction of the first-year classrooms. It didn’t take me long at all before I found my target: glancing into a classroom through the window by its back door, I spotted an eye-catchingly short girl staring at the blackboard. One of the other desks was conspicuously unoccupied as well. It seemed safe to assume that it was Ayase’s seat.

In spite of her absence, they were carrying on with their lesson as if everything was perfectly normal. I mean, of course they were. It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, and the cruel truth of the matter’s that if you can’t keep up with society, you’ll be discarded in a heartbeat. Not to say that holding everyone else behind for the sake of one person would be for the best—all things considered, I agreed that moving on was the right call.

“All right, who’s this supposed class leader...?” One of the students immediately caught my attention as a likely culprit: a girl with dyed hair. I couldn’t see her super well, since I was behind her, but it looked like her uniform had been fashionably altered to compliment her flamboyant hair. In other words, she was your classic, over the top fashionista. We didn’t have many students like that in Oumei High. While it wasn’t quite as iconic as an evil goatee would’ve been, you could do way worse as far as secret masterminds go.

She was totally the type to say stuff like, “So omigod, I, like, totally, like, do modeling work part-time!” Her type might’ve been rare at our school, but that just made her come off all the more attention-grabbing. Most likely the other girls in her class looked up to her for that. She looked like the sort of girl who’d have a ton of allies in her class, and a loudmouth on top of it.

I tried sending Yuuta a text to double-check if I’d made the right conclusion, but she didn’t even check her phone. She was still focused on the blackboard, scrupulously copying everything on it into her notebook. Stupid little shrimp just has to take her classes seriously, huh? Word had it that Yuuta’s grades were shockingly good (just a hair shy of Ayase’s, in fact) but I didn’t buy it for a second. If her entire class was teeming with morons even more moronic than that little moron, we might as well just kiss our country’s future goodbye here and now.

In any case, I figured the odds were ten to one that my target was that fashionista student, and as long as I could identify her at a glance, everything would work out just fine. Loitering around and peeping on their class any longer wouldn’t accomplish anything, so I decided to move on to my next objective. I felt like the sole human in a village full of animal people, working his rear off running fetch quest after fetch quest.

What better timing, then, to activate Kunugi Kou’s second ultimate technique: the Tiptoe Tread! What’s that, you say? Walking on tiptoes is way too easy and lame to count as an ultimate technique? I wouldn’t be so sure about that! You see, my stealth skills are so masterful, I’m considered a living national treasure for them! My sneaking speed and soundless steps are exquisite, working together in breathtaking harmony! My technique could rival even that of the gods! Even the most discerning of gourmet palates would judge my skills superlative! I swept along like the breeze itself, blending in perfectly with the darkness (of the afternoon).
A few minutes later I reached my destination: a room on the opposite side of the school from the classrooms, where most of the clubrooms were situated. I knocked on the door, waited until I heard a girl’s voice from inside tell me to come in, and took her up on it without hesitation.

The room was transparently unlike any other in the whole school. The long table set up in the middle was ordinary enough, but the massive, ostentatious desk at the far end was transparently not designed with a high schooler in mind—and that’s not even accounting for the cutting-edge desktop computer that was set up atop it.

“What are you doing? Don’t just stand there; come inside. Now.” In spite of the fact that classes were in session, a beautiful, blonde-haired girl sat behind the desk. Her tone carried an air of utter indifference as she waved me inside. She was, of course, the girl I’d clashed with in the cafeteria just the other day, aka the student council president: Myourenji Renge.

That’s right—I was in the student council room. A room that she and Ayase were very familiar with, but that an ordinary student like me would have very little hope of setting foot in, under most circumstances. I grimaced as I took a seat as close to the door as I could manage.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in class? I was under the impression you’re meant to be a role model for the student body.”

“I’ve received permission to be here now, as it so happens.” I didn’t even have to ask whose permission she was talking about. Even a cursory glance at her room and all the fancy-schmancy crap she had set up in it was enough to tell you that nobody in the school was capable of standing up to her. Hearing about her connections straight from the horse’s mouth wouldn’t accomplish anything other than deepening my displeasure with her, so it was time to stick to the topic and finish up my business as quickly as possible.

I cleared my throat. “I was hoping to speak with you about the thing I texted you about yesterday.”

“That’s quite all right, but before that, I don’t suppose you’d stop trying to act so polite with me? It’s sickening to watch.”

“Sure, but only if you drop the disgusting rich-girl act too.”

“Oh, my—and I was under the impression I was well-regarded for my speech and conduct!” She beamed, but I couldn’t see that smile as anything other than a fabrication. “Well then, I suppose we’ll both have to dispense with our respective pretenses.”

Her fake smile vanished in an instant. It was like she’d been swapped with a totally different person—a person who could smile naturally, brilliantly, and innocently.

“We’ll talk the way we did back when we first met. You’re all right with that, aren’t you, Kou?”

“Yeah, fine with me... Renge.” I stretched out my legs and tossed a careless, unemotional response her way. That, however, just made Renge’s grin grow even wider.

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