Another Slice of Life
“I’m sorry. Rena just won’t wake up no matter what I do.”
“Nah, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. We’ll see each other at school anyway.” I left the Kazuki household shortly after sunrise wearing a fresh, clean uniform. I only planned to make a quick stop at my house and then head straight to school, but her mother followed along to see me off anyway. I felt like she was making way too big a deal out of the whole thing.
“It’s no wonder, considering how late she stayed up,” she continued. “And after running until she passed out too! You must have really been enjoying yourselves.”
I laughed awkwardly. “Enjoying ourselves” was one way to describe it, I guess. Kazuki had spent the entire evening extolling the virtues of running, explaining how great it is to push yourself to your limits, and trying to urge me to join the track team. I was more than a bit fed up with her one-sided sermon by the time it was finally over. All those wistful, sentimental feelings I’d built up had been completely blown away by her spiel, and even though all sorts of impactful stuff had happened to me throughout the day, the only part that actually turned up in my dreams was Kazuki.
“Thanks again, Kou-kun! If you wouldn’t mind, I’d really appreciate it if you’d keep looking after Rena. It’s good to know she has a friend like you.”
“Yeah, of course.” I couldn’t exactly decide that unilaterally—it was more up to her than me, frankly—but I agreed anyway for politeness’s sake. It goes without saying that I definitely didn’t plan on “looking after” her closely enough to join the track team.
“Feel free to come visit any time!”
“I will, thanks!” Now that one I was actually sincere about. Her curry was powerfully alluring. It’d be pretty darn rude to treat her place like a restaurant, but I was absolutely planning on coming up with some sort of pretext to show up for dinner again eventually.
“By the way, I still have another eight hundred recipes in my repertoire you haven’t tried yet!”
“Holy crap, seriously?! I wanna eat all of them!” I could try a dish a day, and it’d still take a little over two years! I cannot pass this up!
“You could eat as much of my cooking as you wanted if you joined the family, you know?”
“In, uhh, what sense?”
“Rena-chan’s a real cutie, isn’t she?”
“I’m not following your logic here...”
“I’d love to hear all about how things are progressing between you two the next time you come over!”
“Aha ha ha...” Okay, yeah, I get it now. Change of plans: never coming back here again. Man, this really sucks.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
I made my way from Kazuki’s place to mine, then from my place to school.
As a side note, the durian smell in my apartment had completely vanished overnight. Renge’s doing, most likely—actually, the entire apartment looked like it’d been cleaned. She’d probably called in a housekeeping service or whatever. I considered thanking her but, upon further consideration, realized that she’d probably complain about how I ran off and left it to her in the first place, so I decided to put it off. Indefinitely. I might have recovered physically, but I was still a total chicken at heart.
So anyway, I made it to school in no time, no problem. Look at mister exemplary student over here, heyo! It was Friday, and Oumei High was the sort of school that gave its students the full weekend off consistently, so under normal circumstances everyone would be in full-on pre-weekend relaxation mode. The fact that finals would be starting the week after next, however, meant that circumstances were notably abnormal. The school was awash with an air of tension—or rather, an air of grim, tragic determination.
By the next week, tests would be right around the corner, and some of the students who’d given up entirely would start acting up. Then, once finals were finished, summer vacation would be right around the corner, and another portion of the student body would get so hyped up for it that they’d go crazy all over again. In that sense, the heavy, gloomy atmosphere was more or less a one-day deal.
It was the sort of atmosphere that really deeply drove in the fact that finals were looming...or rather, it drove it in for people other than me. I, after all, had done jack squat to study for them. My place on the summer school roster was apparently already set in stone, so what did I have to lose, anyway?!
“Ah! Morning, Kou!” Kaito walked into the school and greeted me right as I was stowing my sneakers in my shoebox.
“’Sup, Kaito?”
“Not much, but what about you? You’re looking pretty gloomy.”
“Huh? I am?” I’d been doing my best to keep a defiant attitude in the face of adversity, but apparently the cloud of melancholy hanging over the school was getting to me after all.
“You feeling okay?” he persisted.
“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Jeez, though, Daimon-sensei really blew a gasket when she realized you weren’t showing up yesterday. She thought you were cutting class again.”
“I don’t even wanna think about that...” Our homeroom teacher, Daimon Kasumi, was single, somewhere around thirty years old, and definitely not a lady I wanted to provoke the wrath of. She had a pretty substantial chip on her shoulder about the whole not-finding-someone-to-marry thing, and who knows what might happen to me if I gave her the chance to vent that anger in my direction... Man, teachers who act like they’re the king of the classroom are such a pain. I’ll sic the PTA on her one of these days. Mark my words!
“She did cool down when she heard that you really were sick, though. She was actually pretty worried about you.” Gotta love a homeroom teacher who genuinely cares about her kids! You’re the best, Daimon-chan!
As I privately executed one of my finely honed and incredibly abrupt internal attitude shifts, we strolled to the classroom. Kotou and Kiryu were already waiting for us inside. Kotou was actually in a totally different class, of course. Details, details...
“Morning, Tsumugi, Kyouka,” said Kaito with a smile as bright as the sun.
The two girls returned his greeting. What an incredibly peaceful morning. Somehow, it really underlined the fact that a high school student’s primary occupation is going to school. Getting sick in weird ways and being too bedridden to go to class causes nothing but trouble. I wanted to go back in time, slap my past self upside the head, and tell him to get his ass up and go to school, even if it kills him.
“C’mon! Go for it, Kyou-chan!” whispered Kotou, glancing at me as she jabbed Kiryu with her elbow.
“‘Kyou-chan’?” I parroted, skeptically. Given the elbow thing, I figured she must’ve meant Kiryu, but since when did she end up with a weirdly cute, mascot-character nickname like that?
“D-Don’t pressure me, Kotou-san...” Kiryu glanced at me as well, though she was mostly occupied by resisting Kotou’s goading. I had a pretty good idea what was going on: Kotou Tsumugi’s fetish had manifested, and she was trying to tell Kiryu to greet me like a proper childhood friend.
Thing is, greeting someone after being called out like that’s actually pretty nerve-racking! Kiryu and I had split up on a pretty uncomfortable note the day before, so she was almost definitely worrying about how she should act towards me. All right, looks like it’s time for me to take the lead! Kunugi-kun’s fully recovered and back in action!
“Morning, Kyou-chan!” I said, copying Kotou’s nickname for a bright and cheery greeting.
“Kyou—?!”
“The heck?! Kunugicchi’s gone crazy!” Okay, so they didn’t take that super well. Why is it okay when Kotou says it but “crazy” when I do? This is sexist for sure! Somehow!
“Morning, Tsumu-Tsumu,” I continued, doubling down.
“Mngh... Morning, Koutarou!”
“Okay, now that’s just a completely different name.” I thought I was being clever by copying her nickname shtick, but I certainly hadn’t been prepared for her to call me by a wrong-but-real name. Conventional tactics are no match for her!
“G-Good morning, K-Kou-chan!” Kiryu somehow managed to slip into a gap in our skirmish and squeeze out a greeting. A pretty Kotou-esque one too. The two of us turned to look at her. “Wh-What?! He made fun of me with a nickname! I was just getting him back for it!”
“Oh em gee, Kyou-chan, you’re adorable,” mumbled Kotou. Honestly, she was right. Kiryu was blushing vividly and fidgeting like a classic shy-girl stereotype. The gap between the way she was acting and her usual attitude enhanced the effect—the whole thing was cute as hell. “Again! Do it again, Kyou-chan! Pleeease!”
“Wh-What?! Do what again?!”
“The way you said hi to him! C’mon, repeat after me: ‘Good morning, Kou-chan!’”
“A-Absolutely not! One greeting’s good enough, isn’t it?!”
“As if a greeting you have to force out one syllable at a time could ever be good enough! I couldn’t even hear it! Right, Kunugicchi?!”
“Yes. Of. Course. I. Heard. Nothing.”
“See!”
“He’s lying! Obviously! I’ve never heard that flat of a monotone before! Stop making fun of me, both of you!” Her face was somehow flushed even harder than before, and she was practically quivering with rage.
“Oh, c’mon, Kyou-chan, you can’t get embarrassed about something like this!” laughed Tsumugi. “You don’t wanna let you-know-who take the lead, right?”
“Who’s you-know-who, Tsumugi?” Kaito popped in.
“Butt out, Kaito! Actually, wait, that’s it! You can help us out too!”
“There’s nothing to help out with in the first place!” shouted Kiryu. “Are you even listening to me?!”
Kaito looked bewildered. “Any idea what they’re talking about, Kou?”
“Not a clue.” The two of us were completely out of the loop and could only spectate their exchange. Speaking of which, we weren’t the only spectators—at that point, the vast majority of students in the classroom had begun watching.
Kiryu had a reputation for being an ever-calm, stunningly beautiful honor student (and also for being more than a bit antisocial, frankly). I mean, the closest she had ever come to chatting with me before that point had been a one-sided barrage of insults! And yet there she was, bantering away in public with Kotou like a perfectly ordinary girl.
The two of them may not have realized it, but they had a trait in common: absolutely everyone agreed that their looks were stunning. Like, really attention-grabbingly so. The assorted lecher-boys (intended as a compliment) and paparazzi-girls (not specifically intended as a compliment, but I guess I can count it as one) were straight-up holding their breaths in the hopes of catching every detail of the two’s conversation.
“Is it just me, or has Kiryu changed lately...?” one of them whispered. “Feels like she’s nicer than she used to be. I think I dig it.”
“Right?” another replied. “It’s like she’s more approachable than before...not to mention super cute! Huge tits too!” Yup, good work, guys; that’s exactly the sort of background chatter you’d expect in a scene like this! A+ exposition! Bonus points for keeping it juuust quiet enough that they can’t hear you!
Some folks would probably be upset, of course. Her scary, prickly nature was definitely one of her distinctive traits—they’d probably argue that abandoning that and turning her into more of an ordinary girl was a betrayal of her character. They’d say that being an ever-composed, solitary ice queen was her whole appeal.
I probably would’ve been right there with them just a little while back. Between her long black hair and the overall image she put out, I thought I had her pegged from the get-go. It took me a long time to realize that she was, well, a person. And looking at her from that perspective, of course she’s a more appealing character this way. She actually looks like she’s happy now.
“You really are something, Kou.”
“Huh? Kaito?”
“Ah, y’know, just sorta popped into my head, seeing Kyouka act like this.”
“How she acts has nothing to do with me.”
“I’m not so sure about that.” Kaito shined one of his usual profoundly meaningful, profoundly handsome smiles my way. C’mon, Mister Hotty Hot-Stuff, use that on the girls, not me! They’d fall for you in a second! Some of the girls already had their shipping-sails half unfurled, and if I were as hot as him, they’d probably be chattering about who’s the top before I knew it. Kou/Kaito... Makes me shudder just thinking about it.
I looked over at Kiryu again, and our eyes happened to meet. She let out a weird little grunt of surprise as if I’d just poked her or something. Then she pursed her lips tightly and stared at me in total silence. I returned her gaze, also silently, but in a more confused sort of way.
Kotou fidgeted excitedly next to her, her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. She was trying to instigate something, no doubt about it. What’s going on here, and what can I do about it? Do I wait for her to say something, or do I seize the initiative and steer the conversation in a different direction?
For some reason, my mind jumped to Ayase Hikari. To the girl who’d told me she loved me mere moments before I erased myself from her memories. I didn’t understand why she would come to mind at that particular moment, and I didn’t have the time to think it through either. It feels like I’m—like we’re all always on a time limit, and that limit’s never long enough to give us the chance to properly think our decisions through.
“Okay, people, let’s get homeroom started!” shouted Daimon-sensei as she walked into the classroom. “Hmm? Why’s everyone so quiet?”
Pretty much everyone—both the students who’d been there since the beginning and the ones who walked in mid-conversation—was focused on us (well, on Kiryu, really). The atmosphere was totally silent and a bit strained, but Daimon-sensei’s entrance finally eased a bit of the tension and let everyone relax.
Not to say that she couldn’t read the room or anything! It was actually time for homeroom to start, just like always. I hadn’t quite registered how tense things were, but as the atmosphere returned to the status quo, it felt like time had started flowing once more. I heard more than one person sigh simultaneously and figured they’d been holding their breaths. Kiryu and I were included in that group, incidentally.
Throughout all of this, Daimon-sensei just looked confused. “What’s with you kids today...? And hey, Kotou, this isn’t your class! Get outta here!”
“Ah, right!” Kotou squeaked. Considering the bewildered look on Daimon-sensei’s face, she’d probably realized how weird things were in the classroom, but she drove Kotou out anyway. That was the end of the whole incident. We all sat down at our desks, and the morning went back to normal in an instant.
What was Kiryu about to say, though? It had to be something about the night before, right? From her perspective, a mysterious middle-aged man barged into my house and kissed me out of nowhere, I chased after him in a rage, and that was the end of it. Of course she’d be curious. If I were watching a movie and it ended on a scene like that, I’d be beside myself with curiosity and go far out of my way to see the sequel as soon as possible.
Kotou getting involved, however, was pretty out of left field. It threw my analysis of the situation into chaos—no matter how hard I tried, I could never quite understand that girl’s eccentric mindset. Trying to analyze her type is a waste of time and effort. Yoshiki Yuu fell into the same category, and for that matter, Kazuki Rena qualified solidly as well. Why are there so many of them in my social circle, anyway?!
Meanwhile, the quiet buzz of whispers continued.
“Y’know, I think I might go for Kiryu after all...”
“Dude, for real?!”
“She was totally looking at me a minute ago, I swear! I’ve got a shot!”
That last one came from right behind me. The little show she put on stole the hearts of some of my classmates, I guess. Asking her out, though? I’d never even considered the idea...because I’d never do it. Ever. It’d be ridiculously abrupt, not to mention insane.
In the end, my only option was to wait and see what happens. They do say good things come to those who wait, after all. I was fond of that expression—it drove in the fact that this was a world in which sleeping on your problems was entirely acceptable. What an easy world to live in, right?
In short: I’mma sleep now. Send all further correspondence to HeWhoWaits@FastAsleep.jp.
“Oh, and Kunugi-kun? See me in the staff room after class.”
What a shame; I was too asleep to hear my (eternally single) teacher’s words. Zzz.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
Not that it matters, but if you’ve ever crossed your arms on your desk and used them as a makeshift pillow, doesn’t it get really hot and muggy when you breathe into that space? The way the moisture builds up on the surface of the desk is pretty gross too, and it’s just fundamentally not a comfortable way to sleep. It’s like sticking your face—and only your face—into a particularly humid sauna.
Breathing in a sauna isn’t easy, and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person who always starts feeling like leaving long before I hit my heat limit. I bet that if you could do something about how hard it is to breathe in them, saunas would be a lot more popular across the board. Like, I genuinely believe that.
“But that’s only how I feel about ’em, of course. You ever stop to think about saunas, Sensei?”
“What the hell are you going on about...?”
“Hey, it’s rude to answer a question with a question!”
Daimon-sensei was on the spot, and I was the one putting her there. “I really don’t care,” she sighed.
“That so?” Truthfully, same, but if I said that out loud, her anger index would definitely go up by several points. I have no idea where the danger zone on that index starts, by the way. All I can say for sure is that even a few extra points on the anger index means a highly elevated chance of instant death. There was never a safe zone to begin with!
“Let’s get to the point. You’re probably wondering why I called you in here.”
“Yes?”
“How’re you feeling? All better now?”
“Bwuh?” I was so surprised, my mind totally shut down for a second.
“I heard you were in really bad shape yesterday. What, you didn’t think I’d be worried about you?” She must’ve realized how shocked I was and sighed heavily. She was right. I figured she’d have something to scold me about, at least.
“And...that’s it?”
“Hmm?”
“But... But that means you’re being nice to me!”
“Hey, inside voice, kid! This is the staff room, for crying out loud...”
“At this rate, this’ll turn into one of those scenes where a teacher’s all nice and stuff to one of their kids! That means I’ll be fertilizer for your character development, and y’know what fertilizer’s made out of? Bullcrap!”
“Okay, the volume’s better now, but your mouth’s still filthy!”
“My Captain!”
“Who’re you even talking about?!” She sighed again. She had a real combo going. “Anyway, I’m not even being that nice in the first place. I’m a teacher, so thinking about my kids every once in a while’s just part of the job.”
“Oh, jeez, way to talk yourself up... And also, calling me all the way to the staff room while I’m still recovering’s a pretty backwards way to show how much you’re thinking about me, isn’t it?”
“You’re the one who said I was being nice in the first place! Sheesh, I shouldn’t have worried. If you can smack-talk me like this, you’ve definitely recovered already.” She looked pretty darn exasperated, and I found myself shrinking away. “Well, as long as you’re all better, that’s all that matters. You would’ve been in a real fix if you’d gotten sick during the tests, but recovering right before they started wouldn’t have been much better either. Wouldn’t have left you much time to make up for all the classes you missed. You’ve already missed enough lessons lately that you’re in real danger of repeating a grade.”
“Aww, shucks, Sensei!”
“Wasn’t a compliment.”
“By the way, who told you that I was sick, anyway?”
“Your guardian.”
“Oooh...” I guess that would mean Gouki-san? Apparently I’d inadvertently caused trouble for him once again. I decided to apologize later.
While I was busy regretting my decisions, another teacher arrived to join the conversation. “Hey there, Kunugi-kun!”
“Oh, Ashikita-sensei. Long day, huh?” Daimon-sensei replied.
“Oh, the usual, Daimon-kun.” Ashikita-sensei was the school’s resident math teacher—a graying old man who was probably somewhere in his late fifties. He was a real nice guy too; he’d been married for ages and had an overall pleasant demeanor. Math teachers are usually known for making their students suffer, but his popularity among the student body made him an exception to that rule. You could just sorta tell he was a decent dude at a glance.
I was surprised, though. Being the thirtyish-and-single lady she was, I figured that Daimon-sensei would prioritize her relationships with the bachelors in the school’s faculty. My assumption was that she’d more or less ignore a married man like Ashikita-sensei, but there she was, talking to him in the most normal manner imaginable.
“You were just thinking something rude, weren’t you?” she said, reading my mind. I guess thinking about your students enough gives you the power to know what your students are thinking? Can’t a guy get some privacy over here?
“What? Perish the thought!” I lied.
“I heard you were sick,” said Ashikita-sensei, throwing me a casual lifeline. “How’re you doing? All better now?”
“Ah, yeah, I am. Thanks for asking,” I replied with a grateful nod.
“Is it just me, or do you have a completely different attitude with him than you do with me?” Daimon-sensei interjected.
“Well, I mean, yeah.”
“‘Yeah’? Whaddya mean, ‘yeah’?” She glared at me so hard, I could practically hear the sound effect. Kunugi-kun is paralyzed! He may be unable to move! I mean, really, of course I’d have different attitudes towards the two of them, considering that Daimon-sensei was consistently strict with me and Ashikita-sensei was consistently nice. High school boys are really sensitive like that.
Ashikita-sensei laughed. “You two certainly are close, aren’t you?”
“I don’t think that’s the best way to describe a teacher’s relationship with her student, for what it’s worth...” She started out strong, but by the end of her sentence, Daimon-sensei’s tone had grown substantially less forceful. No surprise there—it’s hard for an almost-thirty-year-old to take a firm stance against a fifty-something-year-old.
“Oh, I meant it in a good way, of course! From my perspective, it looks like Kunugi-kun’s opening up to you. Having a teacher to confide in is really important for students.”
“I-Is that how it looks?” Daimon-sensei seemed slightly bashful. Guess she wasn’t upset hearing that from him after all. I-It’s not like I actually opened up to her or anything, though!
“By the way, Kunugi-kun,” he said, turning to me. “Mind if I ask you something off topic?”
“Uhh, sure.”
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
“Huh?”
“Wha—Ashikita-sensei! Why would you ask a student about that?!” It really was off topic, and incredibly abrupt to boot. The question smacked me senseless, and Daimon-sensei immediately jumped in to admonish him, but he just smiled his way through her protests and ignored them.
“I, ahh, don’t...?”
“Oh? You’re a second-year, so next summer you’ll be hitting the books for your entrance exams. That makes this summer the last one you’ll get to play around, don’t you think? The school trip’s coming up right after vacation ends, as well. I met my own wife back in high school, you know? It might be hard to appreciate at your age, but it really is possible to find yourself a partner in school who’ll stick with you for a lifetime.”
“Okaaay?” His sudden, self-centered ramble left me and Daimon-sensei completely bewildered. Never thought that the fifty-something-year-old gentleman Ashikita himself would more or less openly endorse students getting into the sort of questionable relationship that most schools have policies against! Then again, if his story was to be believed, he ended up marrying the lady, so I guess it might’ve been aboveboard by somebody’s standards?
A low growl rumbled through the air. Oh, crap! Ashikita-sensei’s careless words had scored an accidental critical hit on a certain almost-thirty-year-old!
“So, Kunugi-kun?” he continued, apparently not caring at all about Daimon-sensei’s current state. Or maybe he just didn’t notice her?
“Y-Yes?”
“Do you have a type? When it comes to girls, I mean.”
Hoooly crap, this old dude just doesn’t stop! You can’t just go throwing the staff room into chaos like this, man! And yet he kept the same placid, almost saintly smile on the entire time as he casually committed some fairly unambiguous sexual harassment. But it didn’t feel like he meant anything bad by it at all, so it was really hard to call him out on it.
“Okay, now it’s starting to get interesting. Go on, spit it out, Kunugi.” Miss Almost-Thirty jumped into the conversation to finish me off while I was on the run, smiling in a strained sort of way that made it clear she’d taken plenty of damage herself. Was she just trying to drag me down with her? She probably thought she’d be able to make me say something really embarrassing and then tease me about it! So much for thinking about her students!
“Umm...”
I had to figure something out. I could go with a generic answer and say something like “I like nice people,” but I didn’t think Ashikita-sensei would let me slide on a cop-out like that, not to mention Daimon-sensei. I could see their “And? What else?” coming a mile away.
C’mon, think, think! Work those brain muscles! Power that light bulb! If my goal was to get out of this incredibly fruitless conversation as quickly as possible, then the best response would be something that puts them off so thoroughly it ends the whole thing in a flash, even if that means a bit of temporary humiliation. I had to be a huge poser!
Something ridiculous, something over the top... I was, unfortunately, working under a time limit. The longer I thought about it, the more painful it would be to actually go through with it. What I needed was speed and force! As such, I plucked out the first words that crossed my mind and spat them out without even stopping to think about what they were.
“I’m into the sort of girl who would never fall for me under any circumstance, I guess!”
It felt like the very air in the staff room froze solid. Ashikita-sensei’s gentlemanly smile and Daimon-sensei’s bloodthirsty one were exceptions, though. They’d both shifted into expressions of dumbfounded amazement.
“U-Umm...” I think I was even more bemused than they were. Honestly, I hadn’t anticipated that reaction at all. I was expecting an “are you kidding me?!” or a “quit trying to act cool, kid!” or something to that effect. I didn’t know how to deal with a “we just heard something we’d have been better off never learning.” I had to dig myself out of the hole I’d jumped into.
“U-Uhh, I mean, you know how a bit of hardship always makes passion burn all the brighter, right? Or something along those lines?”
Ashikita-sensei thought for a moment, then nodded, smiled, and threw in an “I think I understand.” Phew! Looks like he bought it... “In other words, you’re aiming for Daimon-sensei?”
“WHAT?!” The two of us shouted in simultaneous indignation. His remark had broken new ground in the field of incomprehensible logic leaps.
“A forbidden love between student and teacher...” he continued. “Heh heh, I sympathize. That’s an easy fantasy for high schoolers to fall into.”
“Ashikita-sensei...” said Daimon-sensei, choosing her words carefully. “Are you serious?”
“I’m just kidding, but whether or not Kunugi-kun’s serious about it is anyone’s guess.” His grin took on a sort of suggestive, teasing hint to it. I was finally starting to realize where he was going with all this. “Come to think of it, you’re not seeing anyone right now, are you, Daimon-sensei? What do you think of that, Kou-kun?”
“Umm, honestly, I don’t think it matters one way or another...”
“Oh? That’s a surprise. You’re not denying it?”
I hesitated again, choosing my words carefully. “It’d be unethical, for one thing, and even if it wasn’t, this whole thing stinks of sexual harassment.”
“Oh, pardon me!” he laughed, returning to his usual good-natured smile. “You start losing perspective on that sort of thing when you get to my age; it’s a bad habit.”
Daimon-sensei was frowning, making absolutely no effort to hide how displeased she was with him. As I checked her expression, she happened to glance over at me as well. Our eyes met briefly, but an instant later she looked away again.
“I’m, ah, pretty hungry, actually!” I exclaimed. “I’ll be heading out here—thanks!” An awkwardness of a very different variety was setting in, and I decided to beat a hasty retreat. I excused myself, left the staff room, then paused for a moment to sigh.
Seriously... What did I do to deserve that? All I could do was pray that none of the other teachers had been listening in. Worrying about that wouldn’t accomplish anything, though, and I genuinely was hungry, so I decided to get out of there on the double.
“Oh ho ho!”
And no sooner had I decided that than a voice rang out behind me! It was like the world itself was dead set on not allowing me a second of time to indulge in listless ennui. I didn’t even have to turn around. Out of all the bright and exemplary fifteen-to-eighteen-year-olds who attended Oumei High, I only knew one girl capable of packing that much audible stupidity into a single laugh. She was exemplary, all right, but only in the field of idiocy.
“Fancy meeting you here, Kunugi-san!”
“This is a curse. It has to be; nothing else makes sense anymore.” The second I step out into the hallway at lunchtime, this runt somehow manages to catch me every single time. How could that be anything other than a curse?
As you’ve probably surmised, the voice belonged to none other than the kooky little numbskull Yoshiki Yuu.
“I was just waiting for my friend to show up, but you’re my friend too, so I guess you’ll do!”
“Great...” I’ll “do” for what? My incredibly unenthusiastic reply probably made my doubts pretty clear. A normal person would instantly pick up on the fact that I wasn’t in a great mood, but needless to say, the Li’l Dummy in front of me was completely oblivious. I gotta get out of here...
“Hey, where’re you going?” She dashed around me and cut me off!
“The school store, then back to my classroom. Problem?”
“Problem! Come on, let’s chat! Why waste the opportunity?” What opportunity is there to waste? Your encounter rate’s been so friggin’ high since we met that walking into the hallway and not seeing you would feel like more of an opportunity than anything else!
Of course, no matter how I replied, there wasn’t the slightest chance she’d actually listen to me. She grabbed on to the side of my pants too, meaning I had no way of getting away from her—the munchkin thought this through; I’ll give her that.
Unlike Ashikita or Daimon-sensei, Yuuta had a childish, innocent smile that would make me feel really bad about kicking her halfway down the hallway. I’m not that savage. I sighed, partially out of resignation and partially because I’d developed the habit of sighing every time she turned up. Naturally, she didn’t pick up on any of the emotions that sigh carried in the slightest.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
“Ooof, yikes. Like, seriously, just yikes.”
So, I failed to escape from Yuuta. I ended up squatting down face-to-face with her in the hallway by the staff room, completely locked into her textbox. I didn’t exactly have anything pressing to take care of, so when she decided to be uncharacteristically caring and say, “By the way, that was one big sigh a minute ago! Are you worried about something?” I decided to indulge my curiosity, take the bait, and ask for her input on all the stuff that’d happened to me just a few minutes before.
The result: my stupid little kouhai cringed super hard at me.
“Let’s calm down and think this through, okay? Isn’t only falling for girls who would never fall for you setting yourself up for failure from the very start?”
“Sure is,” I said after an awkward pause.
“And besides, that’s the sort of logic that only people who’re already pretty popular with girls can get away with. Are you one of those super popular harem-lead sorta guys, Kunugi-san?”
“Spare me, please...” Oh god, my face must be on fire! The shame, the shame, the shaaame! Nothing could possibly be more agonizing than getting dragged by this openly idiotic urchin!
“I mean, really! If you told anyone other than me about this, they’d probably friend-dump you, y’know?”
“It’s that bad? Friendship-destroying bad?!”
“Go ahead, give it a try! Once you’ve told everyone you know about this and end up a desolate loner, I’ll be happy to be the only person who gives you the time of day! You can be totally socially dependent on me!”
“Why would you dream up a scenario like that?! Your imagination’s scaring me!”
“Your ridiculous edgelord-ness is scaring me!” Yuuta took a long, deep breath, then let out an equally long, equally deep sigh. Meanwhile, my heart buried itself deeper and deeper underground. “Let me think about this... Okay, Kunugi-san, why don’t you ask me about my type?”
I hesitated. “Your type? Really?”
“Really. Oh, but I’m a maiden, so you have to take it really seriously, okay?” The look in Yuuta’s eyes was about as serious as she was asking me to be. I couldn’t suss out her intentions, but since she was doing it that earnestly, I figured I might as well play along. I took a deep breath as well, thinking about all the scenes I’d seen in movies that went along those lines and imagining the sort of role I was supposed to play.
“Yoshiki... No—Yuu.”
“‘Yuu’?! Y-Yes?!” I looked her squarely in the eyes, which widened as she returned my gaze.
“So, uh, hey. I was just wondering—what sort of guys are you into?”
“Do you...really wanna know?” Wait, what? She’s not gonna answer right away? Why’s she dragging it out? This isn’t scripted, is it?
“Yeah, I do.”
“But...why?” Because you told me to ask! No shit!
...But no, actually, she might be on to something here. If I asked her about her type and she replied instantly, it’d sound really dubious. Taking the time to be all hesitant and set a super-serious mood would make the whole thing feel way more authentic. Dang, Yuuta... Not bad at all for a girl who barely comes up to my waist. Maybe she’s trying to teach me a really smooth, ideal way to respond to the question? She might be a lot more used to this sort of thing than I gave her credit for!
And of course, if that was what she was going for, I had no choice but to jump on the bandwagon. “Because I’ve, well... I’ve sorta taken an interest in you.”
“In me...? You have? Tee hee!”
I paused dramatically. “So, I really wanna know. Tell me: what’s your type?” It was not an easy act to pull off. I felt like I was gonna break out in goosebumps. You can do this! Endure!
“All right. My type...” She paused, narrowing her eyes and turning away from me. She fidgeted for a moment, then finally looked up once more, locked eyes with me, and spat it out.
“I’m into the sort of boy who would never fall for me under any OUCH?!” I reflexively karate-chopped the top of her head. Nice work, reflexes! My spinal cord’s still got it where it counts!
“What was that for?!” she squealed indignantly.
“That’s my line! I was all excited for some sorta master class, and then you were just friggin’ making fun of me!”
“Excuse me, I was putting my everything into teaching you just how ridiculously cringey of a line it was! I was being nice!”
“Then what was the point of the whole stupid preamble?!”
“Oh, like you weren’t getting into it too!”
“I was not!” Aaaargh, I can’t stand this girl!
“So anyway, are you actually pretty popular, Senpai?”
“Where’s this coming from?”
“I said before, right? That answer you gave was popular-dude logic. It wouldn’t make sense for you to say something like that if you’d never been at least a little popular, would it?” Yuuta smirked obnoxiously. In a certain sense, I was jealous of the fact that she could be that proud about that level of “logic.”
“I’m not really popular, no.”
“Oh, that’s a surprise...”
“Wait, it is? Does that mean that I seem like the sorta guy who would be?”
“It’s surprising that you’d say you’re into girls who would never fall for you when you’re not even popular to begin with! Like, really?!”
“Yeah! Fair enough!” Why did I even bother asking when I already knew the answer?! And quit smirking like that, you stupid munchkin!
“Screw it, I’m outta here...”
“Oh, right, you said you were going to the school store, didn’t you? Don’t you think it’ll be totally sold out by now, though?”
“In that case, I’m going back to class and passing out...”
“Heh heh heh! I’ve got good news for you, Kunugi-san!” Yuuta proudly held up a pair of cloth-wrapped lunch boxes she’d been holding at her side. A...pair?
“Wait, what’s with those?”
“Heh heh heh, well spotted, Kunugi-san! Are you curious? Are you?”
“You’re the one who showed me—”
“They’re lunch boxes!”
“Yeah, I can tell... Wait. Lunch boxes?” Something about the way she said it caught my attention. Was there a slight emphasis on the “boxes” part, or was it just me?
Hmmm? Oh, okay, I get it. I see it coming a mile away! They’re just lunch boxes, with nothing inside! Thinking about it logically, there’s no way Yuuta would ever bring a pair of lunches to school, considering her daily flailing-around-by-the-school-store routine. She might’ve pulled a fast one on me a moment before, but I wasn’t about to let her have her way twice in a row!
This was Yuuta we were talking about. She was probably walking around with an empty lunch box in a pea-brained attempt to trick herself into feeling like she’d just eaten a hot, satisfying meal, or something similarly ridiculous. That’s almost tragic...
“By the way, they really do have food in them! They’re full to bursting!”
“Oh. That so...?” Never mind, I was jumping to conclusions. Hmph!
“And by the way, this one’s for my friend, so I don’t have so much as a cent to give to you, Kunugi-san!”
“A ‘cent’?” When all was said and done, the only even remotely valuable information I gained from that whole exchange was the fact that Yuuta had a couple lunch boxes. As far as my hunger was concerned, nothing had been resolved whatsoever. Maybe I’d feel better if I gave the shrimpling just one good punch...? Wait, no, down Kou, down! Going all out on a kid like her would make you the childish one! And violence isn’t gonna solve anything either!
“Disappointed, Kunugi-san? Ah! Don’t tell me you were hoping to mooch off your kouhai’s lunch? Wouldn’t that be, like, super embarrassing, from a senpai perspective?”
“I was just thinking, ‘Oh, huh, she’s got a lunch box,’ that’s all. I’m not even hungry! What’s your deal?”
“But your stomach was just rumbling a second ago!”
“Wait, seriously?”
“Nope!” Why, that little... I had most definitely gotten got.
“Okay, fine, you win! I’m hungry, okay?! Ahh, dammit, and seeing you wave your stupid lunches in my face just makes me even hungrier! I’m gonna go back to my classroom, pass out, and try to forget about it!”
“Not so fast!”
“Why?! I just described exactly what I’m gonna do! Laid it all out like narration in a novel! For the love of god, just let me go already! I’m begging you!”
“The truth is, these lunches aren’t actually mine.”
“Oh! They’re not! Great! Then why were you friggin’ bragging about them?!”
“M-My friend made them for me, so they’re mine, technically!”
“Okay, so they are yours after all! What the hell are you trying to accomplish here?!”
“They’re mine, but they weren’t mine to begin with, so, I mean... If I’m gonna share some of them with you, I have to ask the person who made them about it first!”
“Wait, you’ll share some with me?” Now that was a bolt from the blue. I never imagined that Yuuta, of all people, had the capacity for charity!
“Only if she says it’s okay, though! She made it for me, after all...”
“Not gonna lie, for a second I thought that the fact you forced your friend to make a lunch box for you goes to show what a greedy little gremlin you are, but I changed my mind! You might be a pretty decent person after all!”
“‘Greedy little gremlin’?!”
“Seriously, it takes some real maturity to give away something that somebody else gave you and look smug as hell about it!”
“You’re making fun of me, aren’t you?! I don’t even know if I wanna share anymore...”
“Oh, you kidder! I know you’d never abandon me!”
“So obnoxious...”
I gave Yuuta a hearty pat on the head and ruffled her hair like the good-natured young man I’d just turned into. Sure, she called me obnoxious for it, but she was just being bashful. She didn’t actually mean I was... Wait. This is pretty obnoxious of me, isn’t it? Whoops.
Nevertheless, I patted on. This would be the first and last time I patted her head like that in my life. She kept clamoring on about how “obnooooxious” I was being for a while, but before long, the absurdity of the situation got the better of her and her tirade gave way to laughter. Whoops, did I break her?
Yuuta’s friend though, huh? Wonder what sorta person she is, and I wonder if she’ll be okay with Yuuta splitting her lunch with me... Wait. Huh?
Yuuta’s friend?
“Oh.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Just, ahh, to double-check—you only have one friend, right?”
“I have two!”
“Right, and that’s counting me, yeah?”
“Yup, yup!” Meaning the other person who’d be showing up soon would be her other friend. And that would mean...
“Sorry, Yuuta, just remembered something! Gotta go now, bye!”
“Huwha?! Kunugi-san?! Hey, wait!” I spun around and fled at top speed, ignoring her shouts.
There was only one person who Yuuta’s other friend could possibly be: her. And meeting her at that moment would be bad, primarily because I wasn’t even close to emotionally prepared for it.
I sprinted around a corner at top speed and hid, peeking back down the hallway. A second later, a girl I knew well emerged from the staff room wearing a uniform that was simultaneously incredibly familiar and incredibly new, seeing as I’d only seen this particular girl wearing it once before.
“Sorry I’m late, Yuu-chan... Huh? Why’s your hair all messy? What happened?”
It was Ayase Hikari. The girl whose memories I’d stolen just two days before.
