Side Story 2: Kotou Tsumugi and the App of Mystery
One day, Kotou asked me to hang out during lunchtime. Having Kaito’s ever-hyper childhood friend breeze right past him to ask me to hang out instead threw me for a bit of a loop. What’s a best friend sidekick supposed to do in a situation like that?
Wait, though. Could it be...? Is she trying to set up a surprise for him or something? Maybe she’s trying to do something special to make her beloved Kaito happy and wants to pull me in as a collaborator!
I nodded, instantly sold on my own logic. That’d perfectly explain her wanting to talk to me and only me. All her weirdness aside, I guess she had a girly side to her after all! I mean, I already knew she liked cooking and stuff, but you know what I mean.
“Heeey, Kotou?” I called as I walked up to her. She was standing in the corner of one of the hallways, just where she’d said she’d be.
“Ah, Kunugicchi! Shh! Keep quiet and come with me!” She grabbed my arm and dragged me off without another word.
“Hey, whoa, where’re you taking me?”
“Somewhere where nobody else’ll see us!”
“Why?! Actually...yeah, that makes sense. Real cautious of you.”
“Wait. What?! You don’t mean you figured out what I’m going for, do you?!”
“I think I’ve got a pretty good guess, anyway.”
“Mnnnghh... You win this round... But whatever! That’ll make things quicker anyway!” She grimaced for just a moment before immediately turning her attitude back around again, then pulled me away once more.
“So, where’re we going, specifically?”
“The gym storehouse!”
“The gym storehooouse?!”
The gym storehouse: a notoriously private place on any campus, and a spot that’s perceived in very different ways by those who currently attend school and those who’re out of the system. I’m to understand that people who aren’t active high school students see it as a place where students go to perv it up in secret, but to people like me who still go to school, it’s a place you only ever visit when you have to set up or break down gear for gym class.
In other words: it’s basically just a pain, and that’s not even getting started on the dust and the stench of moldering sweat. It really couldn’t have a worse image in my mind. The only people who could do the nasty in a mold garden like that are the sort of folks whose houses look like garbage dumps...probably.
Anyway, it goes without saying that I had no clue why she’d go out of her way to take me there of all places. That wasn’t much of a surprise, though—Kotou was a true wild child who ranked at the top of the list of people whose thought patterns I couldn’t decipher at all. For all I knew, she might’ve been planning to set the storehouse on fire in retaliation for some horrible experience she had in gym class somewhere along the way. Speaking as her friend, I’d have to do everything I could to stop her if that really was what she was plotting.
So anyway, long story short, there we were at the storehouse. We were on lunch break, but nobody was out and about playing around with the balls that were kept in there. I dunno what that says about our student body—is not messing around during lunch break wholesome, or what?
“Okay, looks like the coast is clear,” muttered Kotou as she glanced around, then opened up the storehouse. We stepped inside, and she immediately turned around and locked the door. Wait, isn’t this...a locked room?!
“Wait a second—you’re not planning on murdering me, are you, Kotou?!”
“What? Why would I do that? I don’t want you on my criminal record, Kunugicchi!”
“Wow, way to turn that into an insult! You couldn’t have phrased it like ‘I wouldn’t kill my precious friend’ or something?”
“My ‘precious friend’?”
“Ouch! Ouch!” Right in the heart! The fact that she didn’t sound like she meant anything bad by it made it even worse! “Anyway, I knew it—this place really does reek of mold... Hey, make sure nobody’s hiding under the pommel horse, okay? That’s the usual formula in these situations—somebody’s lurking around in here and then all of a sudden we show up...”
“What ‘usual formula’...?” She cocked her head, crouching down to check. “Nope, nobody’s down there.”
“Phew! The other usual formula’s for a crazed bomber to have slipped into the school and be staking out in there. We’d be totally screwed if we got that one.”
“Do crazed bombers really turn up that often?” She sounded exasperated with me, but she was also carefully checking every place in the room where someone could possibly be hiding, and quite a few that were way too small for anyone to hide in as well, just for good measure. I really wouldn’t if I were you—that’s exactly the sort of behavior that leads to you finding the Bug That Shall Not Be Named but Starts with the Letter C and totally freaking out!
“All right, check complete! At the present moment, you and I are the only people within this room!” she declared confidently.
“What’s with the narration? Are you setting up a magic trick or something?”
“Time to cut to the chase—take a look at this!”
“Huh?” Kotou shoved her phone into my face. The whole screen was occupied by some sort of weird symbol that was shifting in a sort of unsettling manner. “What am I looking at?”
“Huh? You’re not feeling anything?”
“Am I supposed to be feeling something?”
“Like, you don’t suddenly wanna obey my every word without question, or anything like that?”
“Why would I? Is that supposed to be, like, a police badge? What are you, an undercover cop?” Nah, that couldn’t be it. The image on her phone was unsettling in a way I couldn’t quite describe properly, and it definitely didn’t project any sort of authority. Kotou pouted, clearly disappointed, but I seriously had no idea what she’d been expecting in the first place. She mumbled in irritation as she sat down next to me on the gym mat I’d appropriated as a chair.
“So, what’s that supposed to be?”
“A hypnosis app.”
“A hypnosis app?!” I never could’ve seen that answer coming. A hypnosis app, as in...like, what the hell?!
“The instructions said that whoever I showed this picture to would be instantly hypnotized and would do whatever I told them to.”
“So it’s one of those porny ones.”
“Yup, one of those porny ones.”
If you spend enough time on the internet, you’ll probably run into one of those borderline pornographic pop-up ads before long. Little comics featuring hypnosis apps being used for unscrupulous purposes have become a trend in them lately. Feels like there’ve been more and more of them recently.
“And care to explain why a high school maiden like you would know about those?”
“I mean, c’mon, they pop up all the time! You end up remembering them whether you like it or not.”
“Okay, but y’know the thing about pop-ups these days? I dunno how exactly they get the info, but the ones you get shown are based on your own search history. You wouldn’t be seeing ads with hypnosis apps and smutty stuff if you weren’t browsing sites like that on your own, right?”
“It’s not like ‘high school maidens’ don’t look up porn, you know?” She gave me a “no shit” sort of look. I can’t say I saw that coming, but, I mean, she had a point. Puberty hits girls just as hard as it does guys. Guess we’re all the same when it comes to being interested in that sorta stuff.
“You’re definitely the first person I’ve seen actually get their hands on a hypnosis app, though.”
“I just looked it up on Gurgle Play. Popped right up.”
“Of course it did.”
Allow me to explain! Gurgle Play is a smartphone app that allows you to download other smartphone apps! Yes, that’s right—it’s an app that makes apps, thereby transcending the principle of equivalent exchange! “Gurgle,” by the way, is a website that lets you search for things on the internet. You’re probably wondering what it has to do with Gurgle Play, and, er... Go ask your mom and dad about it! Bonus fact: when you search for something on the internet, we call that “gurgling it.” Try using that phrase at school tomorrow! All your friends will be super impressed!
“Look, see?” Kotou showed me her phone again. It had the instructions for the app on it that time, and they were, well, basic. It really did more or less just say, “Show the screen to someone and they’ll be hypnotized!” With such a simple and straightforward UI, even old folks who grew up in the age before smartphones could use it!
“Question.”
“Ask away, Kunugicchi-kun!”
“Wouldn’t this end up hypnotizing you?”
“Wha?”
“I mean, you see the screen when you start up the app, right?”
“Oh, I guess so... But I’m not the person I’m trying to hypnotize, so it wouldn’t work, right?”
“How would the app figure out who you are and aren’t trying to hypnotize? Your smartphone’s not that smart—it can’t tell who’s using it.”
“Hmm... But you can communicate with your phone and stuff, can’t you? Like, the whole ‘okay Gurgle’ thing?” Ping! Kotou’s phone swapped over from the hypnosis app to the voice recognition screen. “Ah, no! That’s not what I meant!”
“I’m sorry, I do not understand.”
Kotou growled at her phone. She looked like she was just about ready to throw down with it.
“If that’s what you call communicating, I’d hate to see the alternative,” I said as I lightly chopped her on the head. You can’t drop a line like that without a snappy comeback smack. “Anyway, what were you even planning on doing with a hypnosis app? Why would you need to make someone follow your every... Wait. This situation—in the storehouse—wait, no, seriously?”
“I’m pretty sure I know what you’re thinking, and you’re wrong.”
“How can you be so sure about that?!”
“Uhh, because it’s about me? Of course I do.”
I paused. “I, uhh, meant, ‘How can you be so sure you know what I’m thinking?’”
“C’mon, this is you we’re talking about! You were thinking that I was planning on hypnotizing you and making you do dirty stuff with me, right? You pervy little monkey!” Yup. Spot on. Can’t object. And honestly, if she had been thinking along those lines, it would’ve meant trouble in like a thousand different ways, so I’m sorta relieved she was right after all. “I was just testing it on you, that’s all! You were my guinea pig.”
“Ouch!”
“You gotta be merciless about these things to get by! It’s like how nobles used to raise pigs for fun, only to eat them in the end—you’ve gotta accept that this world’s a cruel, unfeeling place and just roll with it.”
“What a tragic world we live in.” In other words, I’m no different than a pig to the slaughter. Actually, you couldn’t even eat me in the end, so I’m worth even less than that. “Just hypothetically, what would you’ve ordered me to do if it had worked?”
“Not telling! It’s super embarrassing.”
“Oh, come on.”
“It would’ve been fine if you’d been hypnotized since you wouldn’t have known what was happening, but you’re totally aware right now! I don’t wanna expose all my deep, secret desires!”
“You’re sensitive about the weirdest things.” We’d already more or less confirmed that she wasn’t planning on giving any lewd orders, so how could it possibly be that bad? And what could possibly be more embarrassing than getting taken in by an obviously fake hypnosis app and actually trying to use it?
“Well... I was thinking I’d have you hand over all your cash or something.”
“You were gonna mug me?!”
“Hey, high school maidens have to work on a high school budget! A girl’s gonna have priorities!”
“Yeah, okay, money’s important; you got me there!” I figure a lot of people would jump right to thinking about how to make money if they somehow got their hands on supernatural powers. We get led around by the nose by money from the moment we’re born to the moment we die, when all’s said and done. “And when your little clinical trial was over, what next? Were you gonna use it on Kaito?”
“Huh? Why would I do that?”
“Wait, you weren’t?”
“Nah, ’course not. What are you, stupid?” And now she’s treating me like an idiot! Actually, I think I might’ve weirded her out. I was so sure she’d use it on Kaito and fulfill all her raging hormonal desires. “I wouldn’t use something like this on anyone other than you, Kunugicchi! I mean, c’mon, it’s dangerous, right? What if the hypnosis never goes away, and you end up spending the rest of your life as a spaced-out vegetable?”
“Fair enough... Wait, no, you thought that was on the table and tried it on me without a word of explanation anyway? That’s pretty horrible of you, don’t you think, Kotou-san?!”
“I would’ve taken responsibility if you got vegetablized!” she said, holding up her head proud and tall. Not that what she said was anything to be proud about... And yet, I found myself just a little moved anyway. I never imagined that Kotou valued her friendship with me that deeply! “I’d take responsibility and dump you in the ocean!”
“Don’t kill me!”
“Ha ha ha, kidding, kidding! But for real, though, you’re the only one I could count on for something like this. I mean, you and Kaito are the only guys I’m even friends with.”
“What? Don’t you have tons of guy friends?”
“I mean, like, the sort of friends you can talk about stupid crap with,” she clarified with a slightly bashful grin. “I was really happy when you made friends with Kaito, of course, but I was super happy when you made friends with me too! I mean, you’re a moron, and a weirdo, and a real pervert sometimes, and honestly, you gross me the heck out, like, all the time...”
“Going pretty heavy on the insults, aren’t you?”
“But y’know, people say I’m a weirdo all the time too. I mean, Kaito’s all calm and mild-mannered, and his sister Hikari-chan’s super straitlaced too. I’ve been hanging out with the two of them since forever ago, and I always had to drag them around whenever we did stuff... Our relationship being like that’s probably how I ended up being such a hyper person, I guess.”
“Kotou...”
“I’ve got plenty of girls I’m friends with, but every once in a while it feels like we’re just not on the same wavelength. So, I mean,” she giggled, “I guess what I’m trying to say is thanks for being friends with...nah, I can’t! This is getting way too awkward! Sorry, forget about it!”
“Kotou...you’re trying to steer this in an emotional direction to make me forget about the hypnosis app thing, aren’t you?”
“Ugh!” Kotou let out a sharp grunt and made a face of pure astonishment. Judging by the speed of that reaction, she was definitely trying to change the topic on purpose. That was close... I almost took her seriously for a minute, there.
“Now that I think about it, this means I have dirt on you, doesn’t it? I’m the only person who knows that you’re a perverted demon who’d try to manipulate people with a hypnosis app.”
“I-I told you I wasn’t gonna do anything pervy with it!”
“Sure you weren’t—but most people would get super skeeved out if they heard about a girl who tried to hypnotize a boy like that, don’t you think?”
“Ugh... Okay, yeah... That’d freak me out too...”
“Hmm, maybe I should go spread this info around? I could tell Kaito, Kiryu, and tons of other people too...”
“
You monster!”
“Like you’re one to talk!”
“Take this! Hypnosis!”
“Think we already established that it doesn’t work!”
In the end, Kotou decided that the only way to deal with my pesky memories was to literally beat them out of my head. She chased me around the storehouse all the way to the end of lunchtime. Needless to say, I didn’t have any time at all to actually eat lunch.
“Achoo!”
“Whoa, did you catch a cold or something, Kou? You looked fine this morning.”
“Nah, just got a little too much dust in my lungs...” My storehouse chase with Kotou had kicked up all the dust in the room, and my nose was completely shot. She and I both spent the rest of the day in a miserable, sneezy hell.
And we all lived happily ever after.
