Study Parties Are as School-Life Rom-Com as It Gets
“Hey Kou, wanna walk home together?” I was awakened by Kaito, who tapped me on the shoulder. “Nodded off, huh? Guess you’re still recovering after all.”
“Nah,” I replied. “I’m fine, just spacing out for a bit.” The school day was over before I knew it, and more than half of my classmates had already vanished from the room. Kaito was ready to follow in their footsteps, with his bag all packed up and slung over his shoulder. His ever-present follower Kotou, however, was nowhere to be seen.
“Does Kotou have club activities today?”
“No, but she said that she’d be doing something with Kiryu after school.”
“Oh? Hmm.” I was all for the two of them getting along, but I wasn’t exactly impressed with them for going off on their own and leaving Kaito behind. It brought Kazuki to mind, though I was clinging to the hope that there was still a lingering bud of affection in her just waiting to blossom. Anyway, whatever! I’ll just take the chance to keep the protagonist all to myself today! “Wait just a sec, I’ll pack my stuff up.”
“I’m not in a hurry, so you don’t have to... Oh. Well, never mind.” I shoved my pencil case into my bag and was done before he could finish his sentence. Kaito cracked a sort of strained smile at my characteristically sloppy routine. He was probably impressed (in a certain sense of the word) with my decision to leave my textbooks behind, even though tests were coming up the very next week.
“You been studying enough lately, Kaito? You’re already a second-year, y’know? Screw up here, and your summer vacation might end up being a miserable hell of supplemental lessons!”
“Can’t believe you’re worried about me, Kou.”
“Say what?!”
“You’ve missed how many days of school lately? And even when you do show up, you don’t really pay attention. Heck, you were late for fifth period just this afternoon.” Welp. Can’t argue with that. “We’re worried about you, seriously. What if you get held back a year?”
“Oh, c’mon, they wouldn’t really hold me back, would they...?”
“I sure hope not.” He gave me a look that told me he wasn’t convinced, and I broke out in a cold sweat. Characters cut class all the time in manga and don’t face any real consequences, but if you actually try it at a college-prep school like mine, you end up standing out in a bad way. The school’s grade average is high, which makes it all the easier to accidentally sink to the bottom of the pack.
“A-Anyway, I’ll be okay as long as I do well enough on the tests! You know me, Kaito—I’m the sort of student who does just fine when he’s actually motivated.”
“Yeah, I know. But that also means that you won’t do just fine if you aren’t motivated.”
“Ugh...” Once again: can’t argue with that. His logic was just too sound.
I decided not to press the issue, pulled my textbooks out from the compartment beneath my desk, and dropped them into my bag. I wasn’t sure if I’d actually use them to study when I got home or not, but I figured I should at least put on a pretense of motivation. Kaito, of course, saw through me immediately and heaved a heavy, pained sigh.
“I don’t want to end up a grade above you, y’know? I can’t promise I won’t smack you on reflex if you ever call me ‘Senpai.’ Actually, I can promise that I will.”
“You’re gonna get suspended if you go around punching your kouhais for no reason.”
“I wouldn’t actually punch you. I’d just never talk to you again.”
“Cruel!” The protagonist handed down a surprisingly harsh judgment call. I mean, I guess it has been a trend in recent years to have secretly sadistic protagonists who’re only nice to girls and treat other guys as stepping stools, or worse. I’d never considered the possibility that Kaito might go down that path, and I also didn’t want to...
“Anyway, that’s how it is, Kou. I have an idea, though!”
“An idea?”
“I’m planning a study party at my house tomorrow, and you should come! That way you’ll be able to get nice and ready for the tests.”
“A study party...” I was starting to put the pieces together. Kaito had brought up the possibility of me getting held back, becoming his kouhai, etc. for the sake of bringing the conversation to this point. Crafty of him. In short: he really was worried about me. Man, Kaito’s such a great dude... I’d fall for him in a heartbeat if he were a girl.
“Tsumugi, Kyouka, and Renge-san will all be there, by the way.”
“Hmm, I see, I see...” Yup, nothing but beautiful girls. Saw that coming a mile away. With a lineup like that, he could’ve sold tickets for five-figure prices and still would’ve sold out in a day. “The president’s coming, though? Man, she must be really bored. No way a third-year’s getting much out of a study party full of underclassmen.”
“She’s going out of her way to make time for us, man. Don’t be rude about it. Plus, she was actually pretty enthusiastic. I guess she thinks it’ll be good practice for her entrance exams.”
“’Zat so?” I was already well aware that trying to curb Renge’s whims would be a waste of effort.
Kaito was totally unaware that Renge and I were related, of course, at least as far as I knew. The only people at Oumei High who did know were a few teachers and Kiryu, thanks to Renge herself outing us the other day. If anything, Kaito was probably under the impression that Renge and I hated each other’s guts. He wouldn’t be totally wrong either, in a certain sense.
“Just checking though, Kaito—you realize that you’ve got a full collection of hotties coming to this study group, right? Wouldn’t I just get in the way if I showed up?”
“How could you get in the way? This is all for you—you’d be the leading man!”
“I’m not the leading man type.”
“That’s neither here nor there. Look, the point’s that right now, you’re the one person in my social circle who’s most likely to fail—actually, make that in the whole school!”
“If you could end up with a leading part by being a problem student, the entire student body would cut class every day.”
“If that logic held true, we’d have a lot more people running around committing crimes just for the sake of ending up on the front page of the newspaper.”
I paused. “When’d you get so good at fast-talking?”
“I’ve been hanging out with you for a year, Kou. It was inevitable. Oh, and there’s also this,” he said as he pulled out his smartphone. He grinned as he flashed its screen at me, which displayed an eleven-digit number with “Daimon-sensei” written right above it.
“Dang, you managed to get that stone-cold sorceress’s phone number? Nice going, Kaito! Never thought you’d go for our fair teacher in the end!”
“You’re definitely misinterpreting this in the weirdest way possible.”
“No, it’s fine, dude. I won’t judge! Kasumi-chan’s got a lotta points in her favor! She’s an adult in name, but she’s still in her twenties and a real looker. Plus, adults’re more broad-minded and better at taking care of people! She’s smart, she’s got money... I could go on for days about everything she’s got going for her.”
“Seriously, it’s not like that. I got her phone number for your sake, Kou.”
“For me?” What would I gain from Kaito having our homeroom teacher’s personal phone number? The only thing I could come up with on the spot was ordering pizza in her name to get back at her for all the times she chewed me out.
“I talked with her in advance, and if you try to bail on us tomorrow, I’ll be giving her a call about it.”
“Huh?”
“Then she’ll find you and drag you to my place.”
“She...actually agreed to that? Is that really appropriate teacher behavior?”
“Who knows about the second part, but as far as the first goes, she said she was free this weekend, so sure.” Hearing that she’d be free over the weekend struck me as hopelessly tragic. I’ll have to jot down some info about one of those dating apps that’re all the rage on a worksheet and throw it in her face one of these days.
“All right, fine,” I sighed. “I can’t go stealing one of a twenty-something-year-old’s precious remaining days off, so I give in. I’ll come along willingly.”
“That’s a relief.”
And so, my plans for the next day were established (by way of coercion). Really, though, a student’s job is to study. Plus, having the tests to set my sights on and use as a goal could actually be good for me. The more I focus on that, the less time I’ll have to worry about other stuff.
Even if the protagonist’s present and the guests are all hotties, a study party’s still just a study party in the end. “How was I supposed to know that it would end up like that?” is not a piece of narration I figured I’d have any need for that time around. I was living in a peaceful world, after all—a world in which insane, novel-like twists just didn’t come up very often.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
“Man, my internal clock’s accurate to a fault!”
I woke up bright and early at precisely 8 a.m. on the day of the study party, no problem whatsoever. Normally that’d mean that I was late, but with it being Saturday, I feel like not sleeping in until noon was praiseworthy, if anything. Nice going, me!
“We were supposed to meet up at ten, and our meeting place was less than twenty minutes away. Most people would use that as an excuse to go back to bed. Most people would...but I’m not most people!”
“Nope, you sure aren’t. Gonna be honest, you showing up early’s not something I saw coming at all,” Kaito grumbled as he sleepily rubbed his eyes. He was still wearing his pajamas, and his bedhead was really something—he’d probably just woken up.
The moment I got out of bed, I’d rushed through my morning routine and dashed out towards Kaito’s house. And I mean, like, really dashed, or at least walked double-time. As for why I’d do something so out-there in the first place... Okay, fine, I admit it: petty revenge for forcing me to come. It really was just an impulse.
“Sooo, does starting an hour early mean I get to leave an hour early too?” I asked hopefully.
“No,” Kaito bluntly declared as he plodded back into his house. I followed along after him.
“Did your sister already leave?”
“Hmm? Mngh...” Kaito grunted vaguely in reply, but he also nodded, which cleared things up.
I hadn’t actually asked in advance about whether or not Ayase Hikari would be home that day, but I knew from past experience that the odds were very good she wouldn’t be around. We’d had a number of study parties back when we were first-years, and Kaito always scheduled them on days when she’d be out and about.
He never actually explained why, but I sort of assumed that he thought it’d be in poor taste to have a casual, friendly study group lord it up in front of her while she was hitting the books hard for her entrance exam... Wait. Huh? Wouldn’t that mean it’s not a problem anymore since she’s in high school now...?
“Want some coffee, Kou?”
“Ah, sure.” Meh, whatever. She’s not around regardless, so it all worked out in the end... Or so I tried to tell myself, keeping the fact that I was actually super nervous about it out of my internal monologue. “Kaitooo, gimme breakfast!”
“Maybe if you’d eaten at home, you wouldn’t have been quite so early...”
“My pure and maidenly heart drove me to rush out and meet with my best friend as soon as possible!”
“Gross.” Now that’s how a real protagonist snaps at someone! Kaito was still a kind person at heart, though, and benevolently granted me a bowl of rice. See? He’s nice to guys too! Didn’t give me a portion of grilled fish and a bowl of miso soup to go with it, but hey, it’s still something. That peaceful, laid-back atmosphere wouldn’t last, though.
“Gah, it’s this late already?” noted Kaito. Time had flown by, and it was already ten minutes till ten. He quickly washed off the dishes, then dashed upstairs. He probably didn’t want to welcome the heroines into his home with a bad case of bedhead.
“Can you answer the door if someone rings the bell, Kou?”
“Sure,” I replied listlessly from the couch I’d collapsed onto. My initial overenthusiasm had worn off, and laziness, irritability, and sleepiness were rushing in to take its place. My absolute earliest chance to get out of there would probably be in an hour or so. If I made my move any earlier than that, my homeroom teacher would get summoned, and the study party I already didn’t want to be at would turn into an absolute living hell.
“Kou? Can you get the door?” Kaito’s voice rang out from the second floor. Apparently, the bell had rung. I’d been so occupied by praying that it wouldn’t that I hadn’t heard it at all.
“Okay, okay,” I mumbled. “Be right there...” I stood up and plodded towards the door, feeling incredibly lethargic. I figured that this must be how old men who’ve reached retirement age, moved into their married kid’s home, and totally lost all motivation must feel. Not something I wanted to experience at this stage of my life, thanks! “If you’re selling newspapers, we have enough already...”
“Kou!”
“Whaugh?!” The second I opened the door, a girl burst in and embraced me. For a moment, I was overwhelmed by her fragrance, softness, and warmth.
“Kou, it’s really you! Thank goodness! You’re all better now, aren’t you?!”
“R-Renge-san?! Wh-What’re you doing?!”
“Oh, enough with the ‘-san’! Don’t be so distant! You can call me Renge-onee-chan, like always!”
“When have I ever called you that?!”
It was Renge, and her attitude was completely unlike how she usually acted around me. She was being ridiculously clingy. I mean, I guess that back when I first met her she’d forced herself to be clingy in order to thaw the block of rock-hard ice that was my heart, but it really was just an act back then. All that excessiveness was a matter of necessity, and I couldn’t think of any good reason why she’d have to go that far now.
And yet go that far she did, hugging me as tightly as she could and pulling my face into her chest. She was petting my hair like you’d pet one of those big, poofy dogs. And it didn’t feel good at all. Actually, she was pulling on my hair pretty badly—okay ow, ow, OW! Stoppit!
“Kooou! Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy?!”
“What am I, your pet?!”
“Oh, my pet, that’s a good idea! I can put a collar on you, have you live in a cage, and brag about you online!”
“Oh my god, that went off the rails so fast!”
“Kou? What’s going on down there?” Kaito, drawn by the ruckus we were kicking up, came down the staircase. O-Oh, crap! Kaito thinks that Renge and I hate each other... I mean, okay, he thinks that I have a super intense one-sided grudge against her, so if he sees her hugging me like this we’ll be in serious hot water!
“Good morning to you, Ayase-kun.”
“Oh, Renge-san! Good morning.”
“Wait, when’d you let go?!” L-Like, seriously, I swear I was drowning in boobs literally a split second ago! It was like that thing you see in cartoons where a character runs right off a cliff, doesn’t notice, and gets to keep running until they finally look down and gravity kicks in. She’d broken away a long time before, but the sensation remained until I noticed... Are her boobs just that overwhelming?!
“Let go of what, now?” asked Kaito, quizzically.
“Err, ah, umm... Her preference for printed text over digital media?”
“Her what?” Kaito rolled his eyes in a jovial way while Renge sighed with exasperation. Kaito was one thing, but it was really irritating to get that sort of treatment from her, considering. “You got here pretty early today, huh, Renge-san?” he continued.
“Yes, since it’s all too common for some unexpected matter to call me away at a moment’s notice, I thought it would be best to arrive as early as possible.”
“That so? Well, I really appreciate you going to the trouble. Oh, and you don’t have to stand in the entryway forever; come on in! We’ve got a pretty big group today, so I figured we’d set up in the living room.”
Kaito hustled the rest of the way down the staircase. Renge smiled innocently, though from my perspective, she still looked pretty fishy. Incidentally, Kaito had changed into a stylish set of casual clothing.
“That wouldn’t suit you, Kou,” Renge whispered as she walked past me, her lips so close to my ear they were almost touching it. “You aren’t tall enough for an outfit like that.”
“Hey, who said I was jealous...? And hey, stop reading my mind!” Yeah, okay, so super slim, stylish pants like those might look weird on me... Actually, wait, do stylish people even call them “pants”? Don’t they have, like, specific names? Like jeans, or briefs, or chinos, or boxers, or capris? I wonder if girls’ clothing is like that too? Like, if you slipped up with your pronunciation just a little when you’re making a wish on the you-know-what balls, could their god end up sending you a fancy skirt instead of a pair of panties? Not that that’d be any worse, necessarily.
“Oh, hey, you’re here already, Kunugicchi?”
“Gah?! Kotou?!”
“’Sup! Kyou-chan’s here too!” She really was. The two of them had shown up in the entryway before I knew it and nearly gave me a heart attack in the process.
“Good morning, Kunugi-kun,” said Kiryu. “I have to admit, I was so certain you’d be late that I couldn’t believe my eyes for a moment when I saw you.”
“Funny, considering I thought I was hallucinating for a second when I saw you.” The fact that I’d been so distracted by Renge I hadn’t even noticed the other two walk in made me seriously worried that they might’ve witnessed something that could let them pick up on our relationship.
“Hmm?” Kotou glanced down. “Aren’t those the president’s high heels? Is she already here...?”
“Not even gonna try to pretend you’re happy about that, huh?” I sighed. “Also, thanks.”
“Why are you thanking her for something like that, Kunugi-kun?” Kiryu furrowed her brow suspiciously. I’d actually forgotten for a minute there, but it suddenly hit me that she was one of the very few people in the know about Renge being my second cousin.
It was probably pretty confusing to see me thank Kotou right after she made it clear that she wasn’t a fan of my relative. Truthfully, I was just thanking her because her comment had cleared things up for me: she wouldn’t have reacted like that if she’d already seen Renge, so I knew for a fact that she hadn’t witnessed anything unfortunate.
“I knew it—you’re the only one on my side, Kunugicchi! Not even Kyou-chan understands how I feel!”
“Huh...?” murmured Kiryu, still confused. “What do you mean by that, Kotou-san?”
“You don’t know what it’s like, Kyou-chan... You’re one of the big-boobied; you’ll never understand how we feel!”
“Hold the phone, Kotou!” I interjected. “You’re making it sound like I’m jealous of Kiryu’s huge boobs, and for the record, I’m not!”
“What?! But I thought we were comrades in the Tiny Titty Alliance!”
“I’ve never even heard of it! And guys have tiny titties by default!”
“You know you’re both sexually harassing me right now? Especially you, Kunugi-kun.” Kiryu glared at us, her gaze packed to the brim with utter and complete contempt. In my defense, A: Kotou totally started it and dragged me into this mess, and B: the real lewd element in the room was Kiryu’s boobs! The way she was crossing her arms over them to hide them just made them even lewder! I wasn’t being lewd at all, no siree.
“Oh, Tsumugi, Kyouka! Morning, you two—come on in!” called Kaito from the living room.
“Morning, Kaito!” replied Kotou.
“Good morning, Ayase-kun. Thank you for inviting me today, and thank you for allowing me into your home as well.” Okay, Kotou was one thing, but the way Kiryu greeted Kaito was transparently friendlier than how she greeted me! Like, c’mon, she’s gotta be a heroine after all, right? She’s an ice-cold tsundere-honor-student-class-president-type, right? With that thought in mind, I hung back and whispered into Kiryu’s ear as Kotou jogged into the living room.
“You know you can call him ‘Kaito-kun,’ right? He’s been calling you by your first name for ages!”
“What? Why would you bring that up now?”
“Just feels like it’s about time for you and Kaito to start getting closer to each other, y’know?”
“I know that it’s none of your business,” she snapped. Of course it’s my business! A best friend sidekick’s primary responsibility is to gauge the status of the relationships between the protagonist and all his heroines! It’s literally my job! It was still absolutely none of my business in the way she meant the phrase, of course.
“And besides,” she continued, “if we’re going to talk about first names, wouldn’t it make more sense for the two of us to use them with each other first?”
“What, us? Nah, I think we’re good. I mean, ‘Kiryu’ and ‘Kunugi’ have a sorta catchy ring together, don’t they?”
“I have no clue what standard you’re judging that by...”
“They both start with K?”
“So do Kyouka and Kou.”
“Good point. You’ve got a good eye for these things, Kiryu.”
“Well, thank you for that, I guess!” she spat, seemingly irritated, then headed into the living room. I wondered for a moment what I might’ve done to piss her off, but quickly concluded that I’m so irritating in so many different ways that narrowing it down would be next to impossible, if I do say so myself. I should probably just be thankful she hadn’t smacked me.
Thus did our members gather and our study party commence! Being the exemplary students we were, the moment our scheduled start time arrived some of us sat down around the dining room table, while the rest sat at the smaller, shorter table by Kaito’s couch. Then we all spread out our textbooks and began poring over them. We were mostly self-motivated—we all studied for the tests we were the least prepared for, and if we had any questions, we had our resident teachers to turn to.
“Hey, Kyou-chan, i-it’s not like I want you to teach me how to answer this question or anything!”
“Please, please just ask me normally, Kotou-san.”
“Renge-san, I’m not sure I understand this part... Can you help me out?”
“Yes, of course, Ayase-kun.”
Kiryu and Renge, our resident honor students, could solve pretty much every problem we could throw at them. They weren’t literally teachers, of course, but that actually sort of helped. Learning from your peers makes it much easier to see from each other’s perspectives. From what I understood, a lot of students at our school would’ve paid good money to join in on one of our gatherings.
“Is there anything you’d like me to explain to you, Kunugi-kun?” asked Kiryu.
I hesitated for a moment. “Nope, not really. I’m good.”
“Oh, now isn’t that impressive,” chimed in Renge. “You might just be in danger of losing your position atop your grade’s test rankings, don’t you think, Kiryu-san?”
“I can’t rule it out. Even I have subjects I’m not entirely confident in.”
“I know you two’re messing with me! Cut it out!” Look, knowing what you don’t know yet’s actually pretty hard in and of itself! We who can’t can’t tell what we can and can’t do! Okay, this is getting obnoxious—moving on!
“But considering he’s refusing help on the whole,” amended Kiryu, “it seems safe to assume he doesn’t even know what he could use help with... If anything, he may very well end up being the lowest-ranking student in our grade.”
“Oh, my, that’s impressive!”
“That’s one word for it. We should probably leave it at that.”
There’s a one hundred percent chance that Renge’s “impressive” there was a sarcastic attempt to get a rise out of me. The first one was too, by the way. She just keeps taking provocative potshots, but too bad for her, ’cause I have absolutely nothing to fire back with, even if I wanted to!
“Anyway, Kunugi-kun, do tell me if you have any questions about anything at all,” said Kiryu, more seriously this time. “We organized this whole study party to help you out, after all.”
“About anything at all? Okay, I’ve got one! Kiryu-sensei, what’re your measurements?!”
“Die.”
“Die”? Oh, I get it; it’s code for something! Okay, I’ve got this—a normal die has six sides. Next up... Nope, that’s it, outta ideas. Come on, Kou, stay calm and think! There’s a hint hidden in there somewhere!
Kotou chimed in right around then. “That one was your fault, Kunugicchi. Straight-up sexual harassment. You really should just drop dead.”
“Oh, you meant that ‘die’?”
“What else could you have possibly thought she was talking about...?” Well, I didn’t think somebody would wish death upon me for asking for their measurements! If that were a capital punishment-worthy offense, then all the lingerie-shop workers, doctors, and talent scouts in the world would be wiped out! “Anyway, point is that was your bad. But on the other hand, Kyou-chan, you did say that he could ask you anything at all, and it’d be a really bad look if you totally refuse to answer! So how about you tell him your bust size and call it even?”
Oh, that sneaky little snake.
“W-Wait a second, Kotou-san?! You’re not serious, are you?”
“Just look, Kunugicchi’s all depressed now! He won’t be able to study at all at this rate!”
“B-BuT, sniff, sHe SaId aNYthiNg, sob, boo hoo.”
“You’re just pretending to cry, and you’re terrible at it.” Kiryu rolled her eyes.
“Sniff, nO I’M nOt, sob, I’m ReaLlY CryiNg, sniff, PLeAse bEliEVe mE.”
Renge chuckled. “Kunugi-kun, you sound less like you’re pretending to cry and more like you’re pretending to be a foreigner who doesn’t know Japanese.” Man, acting’s hard. The world of the performing arts is a deep one indeed. UnBEliEvAbLe.
“Okay, let’s put Kunugicchi’s super pathetic attempt at acting aside for now,” cut in Kotou. “You’re up, Kyou-chan! Bust size, please!”
Kiryu sighed heavily. “You can’t seriously think I’d say it here? Ayase-kun is sitting right there!”
“Wait, me?” Kaito’s eyes widened. He’d been quietly spectating from the sidelines up until that moment, but suddenly he was in the thick of it. I didn’t miss the way his gaze darted to Kiryu’s chest for a split second either.
“Oh, no worries there, Kiryu. Kaito’d love to hear all about it,” I helpfully added.
“Wha—Kou?!”
“Nope, lemme stop you right there, Kaito. It’s fine, really! Anyone would be interested; it’s nothing to be ashamed of! Everybody loves boobs!”
“I can’t believe it...” Kotou moaned disconsolately. “Even Kaito’s betraying me now? Is nobody left to heal my poor, wounded heart?”
“I, uhh, think you might’ve caught Tsumugi in the crossfire, Kou...” Kaito was right—she’d been the one to bring up Kiryu’s cup size in the first place, but big boobs were still her greatest weakness. You can’t let yourself get knocked out by your own topic, girl!
“So you like ’em big after all in the end, Kaito?!” she raged. “You like big ol’ titties like Kyou-chan’s or the president’s! You stupid oedipedo perv!” Wow, it takes a real pervert to be horrifying on both ends of the age spectrum!
“But, I dunno... Yours aren’t even that small, Tsumugi. Is it really that big of a deal?” Ohhh, no. You just stepped on a landmine, Kaito...
“Ah... Arggh...”
“Umm, Tsumugi?”
“Even you, Kaitoooooo?!” Kotou let out a heartbroken wail, then collapsed face-first onto the table. I see... So that’s what real crying looks like? Thanks for the reference, Kotou.
“Did I, uhh, say something mean...?” asked Kaito. The “Did I do something wrong?” act was an absolutely classic protagonist staple, but in this particular situation, it made him look just a little bit pathetically oblivious. Not to say that Kiryu or Renge were keeping up with the situation either, by the look of things. I figured it was the right time for me to jump in and lend a helping hand.
“Laisse-moi, Kaito.”
“Wait, why the French?”
“Kotou, you see, is an idiot.” Explanation complete. That should clear everything up. I’d love to see anyone try to sum up the situation more precisely or accurately than—whoa, holy crap!
A mechanical pencil nearly took my eye out. Kotou, who’d apparently mistaken my face for a dartboard, was beckoning in my direction, still facedown on the table. I glanced at Kiryu, just in case, but Kotou shook her head. I guess she really must’ve been watching me after all, somehow.
“Need something?” I said as I timidly approached her. The moment I was close enough, she grabbed my sleeve, pulled me right up next to her, and whispered in my ear. “Huh? A message? Why should I have to...oh? Ooooh, interesting! Okay, I get it—I like the way you think!”
I was a bit skeptical of the instructions she whispered to me at first, but as she went on and I sussed out her real intentions, I quickly changed my tune. Hell, I was actually impressed! Impressed enough to exchange a high-five with her, which was also impressive since she was still facedown.
“K-Kou?” stammered Kaito.
“Laisse-moi, Kaito. Laisse-moi.”
“Oh my, he’s like a middle schooler who’s just learned a new word,” chimed in Renge, but I had no time for her commentary.
“Silence, titizen!”
“...‘Titizen’?”
“Henceforth, I shall pass down the teachings of the great and honorable scholar Kotou! Perk your ears and prepare to receive her wisdom!” I cleared my throat. Kotou’s words carried a heavy, incredibly profound significance, and I’d need all the adrenaline my body could pump into my veins if I wanted any hope of conveying them properly. I paused for a moment, took a deep breath, then psyched myself up and jumped right in. “In this world, there exist two types of boobs!”
“Umm, Kou...?” Kaito interjected, but I wasn’t about to let him stop me.
“These aren’t my words; they’re the words of the great and venerable Kotou. Now then—Kiryu! What would those two varieties of boobs be?!”
“Wait, me?! Considering how the conversation’s gone so far...big ones and small ones, I suppose?”
“Bzzzt!” Kotou (still facedown) and I crossed our arms into “you’re wrong” ✕s. I might’ve been imagining it, but I could swear I saw a vein start throbbing in Kiryu’s forehead. Considering her hair was covering said forehead up, yeah, probably just imagining it.
“The correct answer is...boobs that are and boobs that aren’t!”
“So I was right after all.”
“Tch-tch-tch! We’re not talking in terms of size, Kiryu-san!”
“Okay, but still, isn’t that basically—”
“Oh, I understand!” chimed in Renge, cutting Kiryu off. “You mean in terms of value, do you not? Big breasts are desirable, of course, but small ones have the capacity to become a focal point in their own right as well. Kotou-san’s, however, are neither especially big nor especially small—they exist in the liminal space between the two extremes, and thus can lay claim to no particular individuality whatsoever. In other words, they’re virtually meritless.”
“Gwahuagh?!” Kotou reeled. Renge, bearer of the biggest boobs in the room, had calmly and cruelly analyzed the situation in excruciatingly accurate detail. Her words hit Kotou with all the force of an especially jiggly body blow. It’s super effective!
“Kotou?!” I cried. “H-How could you?! You didn’t have to be that brutally direct about it, did you?! Are you a demon, or what?!”
“You’re the one who was making a whole production out of it...” sighed Kiryu. “And besides, Kotou-san, weren’t you trying to drag Kunugi-kun into the ‘Tiny Titty Alliance’ just a moment ago?”
“Gahaugh?!”
“Kotou, no! Kiryu, how could you?! What kind of monster kicks a corpse while it’s down?!”
“I have to admit, Kou, Tsumugi really did bring this on herself.”
“Et tu, Kaito?! Hang in there, Kotou! Kotou? Kotooou?!”
Kotou Tsumugi: dead at the age of sixteen. The final blow: dealt by the protagonist himself. In her last moments, her final, deathly wail almost sounded like an attempt to call out someone’s name...
—Kunugi Kou, Record of a Young Girl’s Death by Self-Destruction
“Ughh...” Kotou moaned. “At this point, I have no other choice! I’ll have to kill Kunugicchi and live to see another day!”
“How’s killing me gonna help you at all?! And doesn’t that line usually end with ‘I’ll kill him, then myself’?!”
“I know killing you’s a crime, so I’ll own up to it! I’ll do my time!”
“H-Her moral foundation’s totally untouchable!”
“I do believe her moral foundation will have already crumbled at the point where she kills you,” interjected Renge. Her comment flashed through my and Kotou’s minds like a bolt of lightning—she’s right!
“So even if I kill Kunugicchi, I’ll still be a loser...?”
“Sorry. Honestly, I haven’t even been keeping up with your logic for the past few lines,” I admitted.
“If Kou can’t keep up, none of us can,” added Kaito. “I couldn’t understand what you were talking about from the very beginning.” He smiled, sure, but his casual admission was inadvertently cruel. C’mon, Kaito, that’s the part where you give her your best smile and say something like, “I love your boobs, Tsumugi! They’re like cute little rice cakes!☆”
“Okay, Kotou, I think that’s enough,” I said, sensing an opportunity. “Everyone’s sick of this bit, so let’s call it here, okay?”
“Not you too, Kunugicchi! B-But, wait, now that I think about it, you’re my last hope! You would bow down and worship any boobs, even totally unremarkable ones like mine, right? Right...?”
What kind of bizarre expectations do you have of me...? All right, fine, fine! Been a while since I really got serious, so I guess I can pull out the stops and give her a hand.
I took a deep breath, then shouted at the top of my lungs. “Kotou, your boobs are fan-friggin’-tastic! The! Best! They’re big enough to not be small, but small enough to not be big, which means they’re just right! People with boobs like yours are valid!”
“Hee hee, they are?”
“Hell yeah they are! Of course they are—they’re boobs; that’s literally all it takes! Every part of ‘boobs’ is utter perfection—from the ‘b’ to the ‘o’ to the other ‘o’ to the other ‘b’ to the ‘s’! Boobs are sublime! Boobs reign supreme!”
I was seriously bellowing at that point. Kotou was giggling bashfully, and absolutely everybody else was horrified. Chaos dominated what had once been a perfectly normal study party. But what happens at Kaito’s house stays at Kaito’s house! It’s better to regret the things you did than regret the things you didn’t! Having come this far, I, Kunugi Kou, feel a clear and unshakable obligation to see this through to the very end!
“Boobs are everything! In other words...”
“I’m home, Kaito! What’s going on in—”
“BOOBS! ARE!!! FOREVER!!!!!!!!!”
...Huh?
Is it just me, or did somebody other than me say something there?
“H-Hey, Hikari, welcome back! Wh-Why so early? I thought you were going out to study with your friends today?”
“Y-Yeah, I did, but the library’s air conditioner was broken, so...”
Hi-ka-ri? Hikari? As in, Ayase Hikari? Ayase Hikariii?!
She appeared out of absolutely nowhere, and her gaze was locked onto me even while she talked with Kaito. Her eyes were as wide as they could possibly be, and it was incredibly obvious she was more than a little put off. Wow, I might’ve just made as horrifying an entrance into her life as that awful old guy did! Ha, ha, ha...
“Oh jeez, way to be a creeper, Kunugicchi!”
Good news, Kotou! I’ll be doing time in your place! Speaking of which, any last words?
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
Ayase Hikari had arrived with absolutely impeccable timing and two merry comrades in tow, lured to her house by the prospect of studying together. And by “merry comrades,” I mean the shrimp and the track junkie.
“N-N-Nice to m-meet you, I-I’m Yoshiku Yuu. I-I’m, umm, Hikari-chan’s, f-f-friend,” stammered the shortie from her hiding place behind Hikari.
“Heya! Kazuki Rena here. Long time no see, Ayase-senpai! And is that the student council president? Man, didn’t expect to see her here!” Kazuki’s greeting was a lot more direct—she introduced herself with a smile. That said, I could understand Ayase and Yuuta’s presence, but why would Kazuki be with them? As far as I knew, she wasn’t especially acquainted with either of them.
“Oh, wow, she’s tiny...and adorable! See, I knew it! Tiny ones really do give you something special...” murmured Kotou, who’d made a full recovery thanks to my valiant sacrifice. I could practically see the little hearts in her eyes as she stared at Yuuta. This won’t last, though. Only a matter of time before the attention ends up back on me...
“Ah, umm, good morning, Renge-san and Kyouka-san,” continued Hikari.
“Good morning to you as well, Hikari-san,” replied Kiryu.
“It’s been quite a while!” added Renge, somewhat more casually. “Have you been well?”
“Ah, yes! I’ve been fine, thanks.”
It was a pretty remarkable scene: the top-scoring students in each grade level were all gathered in one place. They were all beauties too, which seemed just a little too convenient to be a coincidence—what standards are really being used behind the scenes in Oumei High’s grading room...?
“And, umm,” Hikari continued, a bit awkwardly, “the boy who’s collapsed over there would be...?”
“Oh, right, that’s Kou,” replied Kaito. “I’ve told you about him before, right?”
“Kou... O-Oh, yes, that’s right! Kou-san—I mean, Kou-senpai.” The exchange was transparently unnatural, but nobody called it out.
All of my interactions with Hikari had taken place in environments where nobody else was around to see us, so in theory, nobody would know about our former relationship beyond the absolute surface-level details. The way I saw it, having everyone else aware that we at least knew each other’s names could be a good thing. The plausible deniability would be nice, especially considering certain actions I may have taken which I may have felt pretty guilty about.
It didn’t seem like she was being awkward about it because she’d suddenly remembered me, incidentally—rather, she’d forgotten about me entirely but thought it would be rude to admit it and was trying to play along with Kaito. Making the connection between my name and my face hadn’t sparked her memory at all. By the way, I was, in fact, literally collapsed in a corner from the mental backlash of shouting “boobs are forever” in front of everyone. Somebody, please, just kill me already.
“Anyway, don’t just stand there,” said Kaito. “C’mon in, have a seat.”
“Sounds good, thanks!” replied Rena.
“E-Excuse us,” added Yuuta, a bit more hesitantly. They both walked into the room, found seats, and sat down.
“R-Rena-chan, it’s a little cramped with the both of us,” complained Yuuta.
“Ugh,” I groaned in agreement. Out of all the empty seats in the room, they’d chosen my corpse to use as a couch. Everyone in the room was caught completely off guard (me included, of course).
Kiryu was the first to work up the nerve to call it out. “Umm, Kazuki-san, Yoshiki-san? You are aware that’s technically a human, right...?”
“Oh, yeah, guess it is,” said Kazuki, shifting around for a more comfortable position. “It was in the perfect spot, so I didn’t even think about it!”
“Think you could be a bit more comfy, boob-man?” complained Yuuta as she smacked me on the head. “We’re your guests, right? Show some hospitality!” Even dirty, decades-old mechanical horses at grocery stores make you pay to ride on them, but these people are expecting me to do their bidding without forking over a single coin! Cheapskates! Why’re customers always such entitled jerks, anyway?!
“So, umm, I’m guessing the two of you are friends with Kou-senpai?” asked Hikari.
“Don’t worry, you’ll always be my best friend, Hikari-chan!” exclaimed Yuuta. “I guess you could say he’s my manservant if I had to describe him!” Her manservant, huh? I guess I did bait her with food, so I can see how she got that impression. Have I been too soft on her...?
“And Senpai’s my partner!” added Rena.
“Your partner?” asked Kaito.
“Yeah! My training partner!”
“Oh...? When did that happen, Kou?”
“Couldn’t tell you, myself...” I mean, of course I couldn’t, considering this is the first I’ve heard of it! I was starting to seriously wonder just how over-inflated Kazuki’s image of me was. Kaito let it drop pretty easily, though, and turned back to his sister.
“Hey, Hikari, do you wanna join in on our study party? Rena and Yuu-chan too, of course. We’re all your senpais here, so I figure we probably have a lot we could teach you.”
“Umm, are you sure?” she replied, a little reluctantly. “Wouldn’t we be a bother?”
“I wouldn’t particularly mind,” replied Kiryu.
“Indeed, I wouldn’t object either,” added Renge.
“Ooooh, me too, me too! I totally agree too! Come sit on your senpai’s lap, Yuu-chan!” screamed Kotou.
“I-I’ll pass, thanks...”
“Nooo!”
Kaito sighed. “Well, you heard ’em.”
“Y-Yeah. I guess we’ll take you up on that, then... You two don’t mind, do you?”
Kazuki and Yuuta both nodded in agreement. I assume. Couldn’t actually see it, but I’m pretty sure they were nodding.
And so our study party recommenced! My “boobs are forever” declaration was wiped from the collective memory (or at least put on ice indefinitely) without ever reaching any sort of resolution.
We ended up splitting into three general groups. First up was Team Teacher, formed by Kiryu and Renge: those who were already so prepared they had no need to cram before the tests. They weren’t even pretending to glance at their textbooks and occupied themselves by fiddling with their phones or reading. Part of me wondered why they’d even bothered showing up, but at the very least, their knowledge of the lower years’ material and the subjects covered by the exams was flawless, meaning they could answer any question you had to throw at them. They ended up being an indispensable resource for the rest of us.
Next up was Team Workbook, composed of Kaito, Kotou, and Kazuki. They were busy solving questions from their workbooks and the handouts our teachers had given us, training their practical skills and studying in the most traditional and practical manner possible. The willingness to put in that sort of slow, straightforward work has a direct correlation to one’s scores on the tests, I’m sure.
Last was Team Good-Luck-With-That, made up of Ayase the Younger, Yuuta, and me. Instead of workbooks, we were poring through our textbooks and other people’s notebooks. Specifically, I was copying Kiryu’s notes while Ayase the Younger copied Yuuta’s (and got Yuuta’s input on all the lessons that she’d missed). We weren’t even at the starting line, as far as studying for the tests went.
Yuuta would normally be on Team Workbook, but she had to follow her notebook wherever it went and was too shy to leave her friend’s side (or rather her friends’ side, since she got me as a bonus). Thus, she ended up at our table. Normally I’d be put off by her ridiculously obnoxious neediness, but this time and this time alone, I was actually grateful for it. Having to study alone with Ayase would be “please grant me the sweet release of death” levels of awkward.
That said, though she and I were both dealing with the consequences of a truancy streak, our basic book smarts couldn’t possibly have been on more drastically different levels. One of us was eternally average, grade-wise, and the other was the top student in her class. If Ayase was a flower, then I was a weed.
It took me a fair bit of time to even decipher the contents of Kiryu’s notebook, but Ayase, in contrast, would assuredly be finished copying Yuuta’s notes and would move over to Team Workbook (and eventually even Team Teacher) in a heartbeat. So would begin Ayase Hikari’s ironfisted academic dictatorship. She was an upstart, no mistaking it, and once she was gone I’d be left all alone in Team Good-Luck-With-That... Wait. Wouldn’t that be no different than just studying at home?
Right around then, Yuuta piped up without warning. “It feels so weird to be around both of you at the same time!”
“Huh? D-Does it?” Ayase replied. She seemed a bit shaken, somehow.
“I mean, we are in different grade levels,” I chimed in, casually shutting down the topic. Internally, though, I was just as freaked out as she was. “You took some time off, right? You feeling better now?”
“I’m...fine.”
“That’s good to hear. I’m your brother’s best friend and all, so I was sorta worried.”
“My brother’s... Ah, thank you for thinking about me!” I’d completely seized the initiative, and the conversation was firmly under my control. Talking with her was risky, but it also had the potential for a big payoff if I could use the chance to clearly establish the nature of our relationship.
“I was worried too!” chimed in Yuu. “I’m your best friend, after all!”
“Thank you too, Yuu-chan. I’m sorry I made you worry.”
“I believed in you, Hikari-chan! I knew you’d be all right!”
“Wait, so which is it?” She was worried, but she also believed in her? The contradiction even had Ayase chuckling, but Yuuta didn’t seem to get it and cocked her head in confusion.
“Which is what?”
“Y’know what, never mind.”
“That just makes me more curious! Tell me, tell me, tell meee!”
“Have you been cursed or something? Would you drop dead if you didn’t say everything in the most obnoxious way possible?”
“Pffft! Ha ha ha, as if! You really believe a curse like that could be real? You’re so immature, Kunugi-san!”
“Oh, it’s on...” Yuuta was, as usual, an absolute prodigy in the field of pissing people off. I’m gonna dunk this runt’s head through a basketball hoop one of these days—mark my words!
Hikari, meanwhile, was cracking up. “You two really get along, don’t you?” she managed to choke out between the giggles.
“I guess you could say that!” replied Yuuta.
“Just when did you make friends with each other, though?” she dug deeper, and I froze up for a second. She wasn’t even directing the question at me, but on some level, it still felt like she was probing in a direction I didn’t want her to.
“While you were off from school,” Yuuta answered.
“You weren’t around to feed her, Ayase-san, so she ended up setting her sights on me as your substitute.”
“‘Ayase-san’?” She frowned. “You’re my brother’s best friend, aren’t you? You don’t have to treat me like a stranger.”
“I mean, you basically are a stranger.”
“I don’t mind if you think of me as, like, your little sister! You can just call me Hikari.”
“Why would I ever think of you like that? We don’t even look anything alike! I have a hard time believing you’d actually want that either—you’d be really creeped out if I said we should take a bath together or whatever, right?”
“I’d be creeped out if my actual brother said that too... Wait, don’t tell me he told you about that?!” Oh, crap, that’s right! I didn’t hear about Kaito’s little why-protagonist-why incident from him; I heard it from the younger, more female him!
“Ah, no, Kaito...” I was about to pin it on him anyway, but I stopped myself before I took the plunge. I couldn’t throw him under the bus in front of his own little sister, and the truth of the matter was that he’d never said anything of the sort to me.
“If Hikari’s like your little sister, does that mean I am your little sister?” Yuuta interjected.
“If you’re gonna bust into the conversation without warning, could you at least do it to say something that actually makes sense?” Or so I said, but internally I was super grateful for Yuuta’s conversation-derailing interjection. It was totally incomprehensible, as always, but still. Yuuta, meanwhile, got that incredibly proud, smug look on her face and puffed out her unimpressive chest.
“You can feel free to think of me as your little sister and dote on me like an adorable pet kitty, Kunugi-san!”
“Sorry, I’m a dog person.”
“Like an adorable pet puppy!”
“Tell you what, bring me a frisbee, and I’ll throw it for you.” Offering to play fetch with a girl was probably some sort of emotional abuse—sexual harassment? Power harassment? Maybe domestic violence, if they’re a relative? Doesn’t matter.
I heard somebody snickering at our little farce of a conversation, and it goes without saying that the snickers were coming from Ayase. “You really are good friends, huh?”
“He’s my second friend ever, after all!” Meaning both exactly what she said, and also that I’m the guy who plays second fiddle on her friendship priority list.
“We’re senpai and kouhai,” I clarified, “absolutely nothing more or less.”
“You almost sound like some sort of big, tough guy!” Ayase chuckled.
“We’re comparing me to a pipsqueak, here. I’d come out looking big and tough no matter what I said.” We kept joking around like that for quite a while, and I kept watching Ayase like a hawk the whole time. I was doing everything I possibly could to draw a clear senpai/kouhai line in the sand.
From an ethical standpoint, unilaterally stealing away her memories was probably an inexcusable thing to do. I had plenty of internal justifications for my actions, but they weren’t enough to prevent me from feeling guilty about it. That’s exactly why I felt like I had to take action here—I had to rebuild my relationship with her in an entirely different shape.
This time, I wouldn’t be the target of her affection—I’d be her sorta quirky senpai who also happened to be her brother’s friend. That would be the ideal form for our relationship to take. She had nothing to gain from developing feelings for me, and I didn’t want to ever bring disaster down upon anyone else ever again...
—Koh.
“...Huh?”
For just a moment, it felt like something was squeezing my heart so hard it might burst. I’d felt like I’d heard something—a noise that was nostalgic, that was touching, that reverberated deep within me, tormenting me in perpetuity. I couldn’t have heard it, but I did.
“What’s wrong, Kou-san? Are you still listening?”
That time, it was just Ayase’s voice. Totally normal, nothing weird about it. Disregarding the fact that she’d casually switched from “-senpai” to “-san,” I mean. Still, though, I couldn’t shake it. Why?
Why did I keep seeing her, that white-haired girl I once knew, in Ayase...?
Because she was my best friend’s sister? Or because I’d stolen her memories specifically to ensure that she didn’t end up like her? I couldn’t tell. The two of them weren’t at all similar; they were completely different people in terms of both looks and presence.
But somehow, it just kept happening. Ever since the very first time I met Ayase, seeing her somehow brought her to mind, intensely enough to cause me to irreparably damage a poor, innocent toilet seat.
This time was different, though. It wasn’t like that sudden, trauma-induced onslaught of nausea. This time I felt her presence, clearly and intensely.
“Rei?”
I said her name before I could stop myself. I was incredibly shaken, but I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Ayase didn’t say anything at all in response—actually, it might be more accurate to say that she was too dumbfounded to say anything. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. I couldn’t tell if she’d frozen up because I’d started spouting incomprehensible nonsense out of nowhere and she didn’t get it, or if she’d frozen up because she did get it, at least on some level.
What I did know was that in that split second, I was absolutely terrified. It was impossible. It had to be impossible, but what if? What if, somehow, she knew something about Rei? What would I do if she did?
My throat was bone-dry, and it felt like my limbs were asleep. I dimly speculated that this must be what defendants in court feel like while awaiting the judge’s verdict. It felt like the next word she spoke, whatever it might be, would change everything from that moment forward...
“‘Ray’? Do they even cover light physics in second-year science?”
And Yuuta jumped into the conversation out of absolutely nowhere.
“Huh?”
“Are you so hungry you’ve totally lost focus? Geez, Kunugi-san, you’re the little glutton that couldn’t!” Confused, I glanced at the clock and found that it was just a little past noon—in other words, lunchtime. I’d muttered the name under my breath so quietly that Yuuta had apparently thought I was gibbering deliriously about my studies.
“Nah, I was just talking to myself,” I retorted. “I’m not that hungry or anything, and don’t call people by titles that make them sound like bootleg children’s books!” She’d inadvertently thrown me a life preserver, and I grabbed on to it without a second’s hesitation. I knew that the odds of Ayase answering with anything other than confusion were somewhere in the region of one in a hundred billion, but I fled from her answer anyway because I’m a goddamn coward.
When she did finally speak, after a moment’s hesitation, it was about a totally different topic. “Yeah, I guess it is just about lunchtime. I’ll ask my brother about his plans.” She stood up and walked over towards Kaito. I, meanwhile, heaved a heavy sigh of relief and gave my savior Yuuta an extremely grateful pat on the head.
“Whahuh?! What’re you doing?!”
“Doting on you like a puppy. Puppies like it when you pet them, right?”
“I-I definitely don’t like this, nope, no way...” I mean, when it comes down to it, little kids and dogs aren’t that different in terms of how you praise them for doing a good job. She’s probably just too bashful to admit she’s happy about it.
Patting her head was helping me scratch and crawl my way back to some semblance of peace of mind, and it wasn’t long before she stopped grumbling and actually started leaning closer to me to make it easier to reach. It was amazing how she could pack that much pet-like cuteness into such an insignificant movement.
In the end, though, nothing had actually been resolved. I still had no idea why I perceived some element of Rei in Ayase Hikari—an element that I’d never felt from anyone else before. Even far from the war and bloodshed, even in a totally different world, even having immersed myself in peace and given my heart all the respite I could offer it, I still couldn’t face Rei—no, I couldn’t face anything that had happened back then. I didn’t have the guts. All I could do was keep running and lying to myself, again and again.
