Everything Goes Back to Normal... Not
The looming pressure of exams made every moment we could spend studying precious, so we ended up ordering out for lunch. I was a little disappointed to miss a chance to eat Ayase’s (purportedly) delicious and Kotou’s (verifiably) scrumptious cooking, but that being said, it was entirely better to altogether avoid getting Renge the Cheftastrophe involved. So with all things considered, I was completely fine with things turning out that way.
By the way, for the sake of Renge’s dignity I feel like I should note that she’s supposedly legitimately good at brewing tea. She also handled the actual ordering out part, and as the eldest person present, she even covered the bill in an impressive show of generosity. Her cheftastrophic nature wasn’t supernaturally potent enough to corrupt food made by other people on her behalf, thankfully, and the hors d’oeuvres that showed up at the Ayase household were actually really tasty.
With that brief and pleasant interlude out of the way, our study party resumed in all its dull, never-ending glory. When all was said and done, pretty much everyone present was diligent in their own special sort of way. You’d expect someone to drop out of study mode in favor of playing cards or a video game, but nope, everyone just kept working with the utmost efficiency. Even Yuuta was quietly focused on her workbook. I don’t even know what to say about that one.
There were, of course, two exceptions.
“Kunugicchi, I’m booored!”
“I know, right?”
That one innocent little moment of grumbling between Kotou and me resulted in Kiryu and Renge (who were otherwise unoccupied) deciding to tutor the both of us one-on-one. It seemed like overkill, honestly—we were just studying for finals; it wasn’t that big of a deal—but thanks to their focused attention, I ended up being able to really focus and not get sidetracked by any intrusive thoughts. Probably a good thing overall, honestly.
“It’s getting kinda late. Think we should call it here for today?” suggested Kaito, finally.
“Woohoo! I’ve been waiting for someone to say that!” I exclaimed, immediately sprawling out on the floor. The world outside was already stained red by the vivid glow of sunset. I’m pretty positive that was the longest extended study session I’d been subjected to over the course of my entire life.
Kotou and Kazuki, both of whose stamina levels when it came to all that stuff were just as low as mine, collapsed right along with me. “Man, I just did a lifetime’s worth of studying in a single day!” moaned Kotou, while Kazuki was already pretending to snore. We really had hit the books from the early morning all the way to sunset. The atmosphere of academic rigor had been even thicker than it was during a typical school day.
“You need to review at home as well, okay?” cautioned Kiryu. “Cramming everything in today was all well and good, but it’s important to make sure that you actually remember it all a week from now.”
“Okaaay! Thanks so much, Kyou-chan!” cried Kotou. I was grateful too—Kiryu might’ve been an intense and unrelenting teacher, but saying stuff like that made it clear that she really cared about us. She looked like an incredibly nice person, all of a sudden. I guess she had to be a nice person to sacrifice that much of her personal time to tutor us, really.
I turned to Renge. “Thanks for today, Miss President.”
“You’re quite welcome, Kunugi-kun. It was no trouble at all, really—you had a solid foundation and picked up on everything I taught you quite quickly.” Considering the fact that she was the one who’d tutored me up to a high-school level in the first place, that line came across as a bit self-congratulatory.
“You’ve really got it together, huh, Miss President? You barely did any of your own studying at all today,” commented Kazuki.
“I wouldn’t say that at all. It’s important for me to have a solid understanding of the first- and second-year material, so this made for a very productive opportunity to review,” replied Renge with a smile I couldn’t see as particularly sincere. I didn’t think she was lying, per se, but it was pretty obvious that she was giving that fact more weight than it actually bore. “Not to mention that this is a rare opportunity to interact with my underclassmen.”
“You’re making yourself sound like a real model senpai, huh?” I jabbed.
“Oh, no need to be bashful,” she countered. “It’s perfectly acceptable to admit how much you idolize me.” She beamed, and I sighed. I knew that no matter what I said in response to that, it wouldn’t register as meaningful in her mind. She was in her student-council-president mode, after all, so I’d be commenting on her persona rather than on Renge herself.
An exchange between Kunugi Kou, second-year student at Oumei High, and Myourenji Renge, president of the student council, could never get our real feelings across. It’d inevitably turn out to be an act, and a more or less meaningless one. There wasn’t much of a need to go through that whole process at the moment, so I didn’t feel like forcing a conversation.
Renge, however, had other ideas. “Come on, Kunugi-kun, don’t you have anything to say to the kind, devoted senpai who spent her whole day helping you?” I had no clue why she wasn’t letting the conversation peter off—she was actually dragging me back into it, even. She was an absolute enigma, and I’d never get a decent handle on her personality.
“What’s going on with—”
“Hey, Renge-san, Kou!” I was about to ask if something had happened to her, but Kaito picked the perfect moment to come over and chat us up. “Oh, sorry, am I interrupting something?”
“No, not at all. What is it?” replied Renge.
“We were just talking about what we’re gonna do next, and Tsumugi said that we should all have dinner together. Do you wanna go?”
“Hmm, I suppose—”
“Sorry, but I’ll have to pass,” I interjected, cutting off Renge. In spite of the fact that Kaito went out of his way to invite me, I turned him down pretty bluntly, shoved my papers into my bag, and stood up.
“Busy with something?”
“Heading home to sleep. Human brains process and organize information best when they’re unconscious, y’know? Gotta get some shut-eye to make sure everything I crammed in there today sticks!”
“But really, you’re just lazy and wanna take a nap, right?”
“That too.” I had to admit it. Kaito knew me way too well.
I was still curious about what Renge’s deal was, but I could spend all day guessing and still never actually figure her out. Some famous philosopher apparently once said, “Man is only a reed, the weakest in nature, but he is a thinking reed.” I have no clue what he meant by that, but if I had to read a single piece of nuance into it, it’d be something along the lines of, “Man, people sure do think a lot, don’t they?”
Just thinking and thinking away at something doesn’t necessarily gain you anything, though. Thinking tires you out, and sometimes all it takes to find the right answer is to not think about it for a while. You know how sometimes you’ll search for something for ages, only to finally find it the instant you give up and stop looking? It’s just like that.
“Kou?” I’d been so focused on overthinking my excuse for not overthinking stuff that I’d fallen silent, much to Kaito’s confusion. What an incredibly pointless thing to be preoccupied by.
“Ah, sorry, spaced out for a sec. Guess I really am sleepy.” I turned to face the others. “Nice work today, everyone, and thanks again! Sorry I can’t come along—have fun without me!”
A few of them seemed surprised that I was heading home already, but I knew that if I gave them the chance to question me, I might be there all evening, so I hustled out of the Ayase household before they had the chance.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
I strolled home, indulging in one of those listless moods that lets you really appreciate the beauty of a nice sunset. I had the sudden urge to take a picture—it felt like one of those perfect opportunities to get a great shot to post online and earn some internet points with. Of course, I didn’t actually bother.
“Huh?”
I happened to put my hand in my pocket and realized that something was conspicuously missing: my phone. We’d all exchanged contact information at one point during the study party, and I figured I must’ve set it down and forgotten about it back then.
“Well, whatever,” I muttered. Not having my phone wasn’t a big deal. All I was planning on doing was going home to sleep, and Kaito would probably bring it to school with him on Monday. But no sooner had I thought that than somebody shouted behind me.
“Kou-saaan!”
“Wha?” I turned around to find the last person I would’ve guessed running in my direction. Her brown hair bounced gently with each step, and the brilliant light of the setting sun made it glimmer with an almost whitish hue.
Ayase Hikari ran up to me, gasping and panting. “Sorry to stop you! It’s just, you forgot your phone, so...”
“R-Right, sorry about that. Thanks for bringing it, but, well, why you?” I accepted the phone gratefully, but I couldn’t help but question the situation while I was at it. The sun might’ve been setting, but the day’s sweltering heat was still a long ways away from clearing up, and she was dripping with sweat. Surely we didn’t know each other well enough for her to go that far out of her way for me without a good reason?
“I would’ve felt bad about asking a guest to run it out to you,” she replied.
“Okay, but you could’ve just given it to me on Monday.”
“We don’t know that for sure!” She looked a little unhappy, possibly because she felt like her hard work hadn’t been appreciated the way she’d hoped it would be. Her mannerisms really did remind me of hers, and I felt a twinge of pain in my chest. “And besides, I wanted to talk to you anyway. You’re my brother’s best friend, and it looks like Yuu-chan really looks up to you too! It feels like I’m the only one who’s being left out.”
“I really don’t think that’s true.”
“It is!” Her expression changed at the drop of a hat as she broke out in a big, bright smile. Her amiable nature was on full display, just like it had been the last time I got to know her. I guess that just made sense, though. Taking away a part of somebody’s memories wouldn’t change their entire personality. “Would you mind if I walk you back to your home, Kou-san?”
“You really think I wouldn’t mind? I live alone, for your information.”
“Oh! Okay then, yeah, it might still be a little soon for that.” Ayase blushed faintly and let out a little laugh, like she was trying to gloss over the matter. Or maybe it was more of a bashful sort of laugh? Hard to say.
“Anyway,” I said, “I’ll treat you to something to drink, at least.”
“Wait, really?”
“Wouldn’t be very gentlemanly to let a girl run herself into a sweaty mess for me only to send her off with a ‘kthxbye,’ would it?”
“Okay, then, I’ll take you up on that!”
Then she more or less dragged me into a nearby café she was familiar with. I’d actually meant that I’d get her something from a nearby vending machine, but it was really hard to bring that up after she got the café idea in her head.
The place was mostly empty, and the interior was full of classy, antique-looking furniture that gave it a sort of “secret store that only the locals know” feel. The worker at the counter recommended the iced café au lait, so we ordered a pair of those and took a seat at a nearby table.
Hikari immediately struck up a conversation. “So, did your studying go well?”
“Yeah, thanks to everyone’s help.”
“I’m surprised you came, honestly. I’ve heard you’ve been missing a lot of classes lately too.”
“Don’t give me that look. I know what you’re thinking, and no, we’re not in the same boat.” I let out a strained chuckle. “That look” was one that told me she was sympathizing with me. Oh, and the “too” at the end really grabbed my attention. I was seriously curious about how Ayase had rationalized her own truancy and decided to dig a bit deeper. “Hey, Ayase—why’d you take a week off school?”
“Huh? Why’re you asking?”
“Well, I mean...I’m just curious, honestly. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it, exactly. It’s more like I don’t know how to explain it, myself.” She stared at her drink and stirred it with her straw as she spoke. The topic seemed to have her at a bit of a loss. “I was too afraid to go to school—to go outside at all, even. The fear got less and less intense as time went by, but...I don’t actually know why it got better or why I was afraid to go outside in the first place.”
“You don’t know, huh?” Everything made sense so far—after all, the cause of her fear had been erased from her memory. It wasn’t strange at all for her to notice its absence. I nodded, satisfied with her explanation, but she just stared at me. “What?”
“Nothing, really... I just noticed that you have long eyelashes.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” It was abrupt, to say the least. Who pays attention to some random dude’s eyelashes?
“Well, anyway,” she continued, ignoring my question, “the point is that I don’t know why I skipped school either. That’s all! Story’s over!”
“Wasn’t much of a story to begin with...”
“Well, I’ve had to explain the whole thing over and over again! I’m sure you can appreciate how sick of it I am by now.”
“Over and over? I only asked... Oh, okay, I get it. You didn’t mean me.” I’d only asked the one time, but I could only imagine how many people had questioned her about it throughout the two days she’d been back. It wouldn’t just be her homeroom teacher and her friends—she’d probably also been mobbed by self-proclaimed “nice guys” who were using it as an excuse to talk to her.
“You’re really considerate, aren’t you, Kou-san?” she mused. “I think that’s wonderful.”
I hesitated for a moment. “You’re really reading me wrong here.” I was starting to get worried. It sort of felt like our pointless little question-and-answer session was earning me points in her eyes every step of the way.
Maybe I was just being oversensitive, though? The whole thing could’ve been totally normal in her eyes—like, maybe she was just trying to tease me. But, I mean, “wonderful”? What’s that supposed to mean? I wasn’t even close to brave enough to ask, of course. Can’t exactly call myself a Hero anymore if I can’t even work up the guts for that, eh?
“All right, I’ve answered one of your questions,” she continued. “Now it’s your turn to answer one of mine.”
“Wait, since when was that a rule? First I’ve heard of it.”
“If you want information from someone, you have to give them your own info in exchange! It’s a given.” What is she, a black market information broker? She might be a high school girl, but stylish cafés like this don’t suit her vibe at all.
“All right, fine, can’t argue with ‘a given.’ As long as it’s something I can answer, I will.”
“How many people have you dated up until now?”
“...That came from so far out of left field, I’m genuinely speechless.”
“You are not. You’re talking right now, aren’t you?”
“That was a quick and easy summary of the situation; doesn’t count.” I really, really hadn’t seen that question coming. I hadn’t had any clue what sort of question she would ask, to be fair, but still. “What’re you after?”
“Is that your next question? If I answer that, I get to ask you another one, you know?”
“The ‘givens’ in this world are pretty harsh, huh?”
“Incidentally, I also answered your question about the rule earlier, so I still have one extra question in the bank.”
“Not fair!”
“You have to answer my first question before anything else, though!” What is this, an interrogation?! I almost said that out loud, but I swallowed the words at the last second. I wouldn’t put it past her to answer it like an actual question and add another point on to her side of the board.
“How many people have I dated, huh...? Man, I dunno if I can even count that high!”
“By the way, if you lie, you have to swallow a thousand needles. Just so you know.”
“Your mind goes to some pretty brutal places for someone who looks so innocent.”
“Kids say that all the time; I’m not the one who came up with it. So? Go on, how many?”
“Zero, okay?! Zero!” I decided that dragging it out any longer wouldn’t gain me anything and answered bluntly and honestly. It wasn’t the most pleasant truth to have exposed, but I’d rather get outed as a virgin than have to swallow a thousand needles. Admitting it wasn’t gonna kill me, but sticking to my guns and getting a throat full of sewing supplies very well might.
“Oh, is that so?”
“Not much of a reaction, huh?”
“I only asked in the first place because I thought I might be able to get some relationship advice from you. You’re my senpai, after all.”
“Wait a minute, don’t go answering things that aren’t even questions! That was a statement—it didn’t count!”
“Oh, forget the question and answer thing. It’s getting in the way of us having a decent conversation.” Making up a rule then overruling it herself a moment later, huh? Somebody’s a free spirit. She’d once again caught my attention, though. Asking me for love advice? What? “You’re my brother’s best friend, so I thought I could come to you, but never mind, I guess...”
“Wait, what do you mean ‘never mind’? Why not just ask?”
“You literally just told me that you have no experience, didn’t you?” She shot a pointed look at me, but that wasn’t enough to make me back down. I mean, come on—Ayase was in love; of course I had to dig! Considering that I’d erased her memories, there was absolutely no chance that I’d be the target of her affections. That meant that this was my big chance to put her life back on track and undo the damage that the perverted old man and I had done! “You seem weirdly excited about this,” she added questioningly.
“There isn’t a high schooler out there who doesn’t like a little gossip every once in a while,” I countered.
“High school girls, maybe.”
“People do tell me that I’m really in touch with my feminine side.” No they don’t. The question for a question rule’s off the table, so I can lie without fear of needle-swallowing, right?
“Look, Ayase. Your brother’s a total chick magnet, and I’m his best friend, y’know? You saw what today was like—he’s practically drowning in girls, and he wouldn’t be living that sorta high school life if it weren’t for my support. Yeah, sure, I don’t personally have any dating experience, but that has nothing to do with being a good wingman! A genius pitcher who can throw a 160 kilometer per hour fastball needs a catcher who’s up to snuff to take the lead, and every famous goal that’s been scored only happened because of the efforts of whoever set it up!”
“So you’re saying you’re both a wingman and a shot-caller?”
“And I’m damn good at it too.”
Ayase paused, seemingly in thought, then nodded and smiled. “Are you, now? In that case, maybe I’ll ask for your advice after all.”
“Scratch the ‘maybe.’ Please take me up on this—you won’t regret it.” It was sort of weird for me—the person being asked for help—to say “please” like that, but it was a genuine request on my part. I wanted it to happen.
I had erased Ayase Hikari’s memories. I had plenty of reasons for doing it, mostly revolving around not dragging her into the cycle of misfortune I stand at the epicenter of. I don’t regret it, but that doesn’t change the fact that one-sidedly stealing that aspect of her future away from her was an utterly despicable thing to do.
As of that moment, though, she was starting to move forward again, with somebody other than me as her prospective partner, and I was happy to hear it. I was really, genuinely happy.
I couldn’t deny it—I was projecting Rei, the girl who had lost her life thanks to my meddling, onto Ayase. Maybe it was because she was my best friend’s sister, or maybe it was because my experience with Rei was what had driven me to help Ayase with her problems in the first place.
But in any case, I thought that maybe being Hikari’s wingman and helping her find a future for herself would finally let me pay back at least a little of what I’d owed Rei for so very, very long. It could be my tribute to her memory, not as a fated Hero who’d save the world, not as the protagonist, but as, well...
“Anyway, consider yourself in good hands! I’m a best friend sidekick; I’ve got you covered!”
“What on earth is that supposed to mean?”
I guess that was a weird thing to say. Hikari smiled in a “what am I supposed to say to that?” sort of way. Still, though, I couldn’t stop myself from breaking into a grin as well, unable to disguise how delighted I was.
Long ago, someone told me that it’s impossible to have too much hope. All your tiny little wishes—to eat something tasty, to read the next issue of your favorite manga, to have a nice dream at night... They all come together to form something more than just basic desires. They form your hope, and they’re what let you live a life that’s full of purpose.
In that moment, I felt like I’d finally gotten my hands on that very sense of hope. It was the hope that I wouldn’t just lead Kaito to a wonderful happy ending. I’d make it happen for his sister Hikari as well.
“All right, Ayase Hikari-san, let’s hear it. Who’s this person you have your eye on?”
“That’s a secret, at least for now. I’m sure you’ll be shocked when you find out, though, Kou-san!”
“Guess I’ll look forward to that.”
I’d watch over her, and I’d see her love be fulfilled with my own two eyes. Then and only then would I finally be able to take the first step down my own path and move on with the rest of my life, just like her. I was sure of it.
