In Search of Memories
“Shaddup...”
I awoke to the sound of my phone vibrating up a storm. I’d been dead asleep a moment before, and was more than a bit irritated to have my rest so rudely interrupted. As a general rule I try to not be terrible about getting up in the mornings, but I think anyone would feel like crap if they didn’t manage to get at least a solid three hours of sleep or so. In any case, it seemed I had a call, judging by how my phone just wouldn’t stop buzzing. I fumbled around until I found it and answered without even bothering to sit up.
“Hello...?”
“Finally! I’m at the station, but I can’t find you. Where are you right now?”
Hmm? Is that Kiryu? Why would Kiryu be calling me...? Oh, right, I gave her my number, I guess. Hmm... Feels like I’m forgetting something else... Ah.
Oh. CRAAAAAAAAAAP!
I fell asleep! I went home and fell right friggin’ asleep!
I couldn’t believe it—after I promised to meet up with Kiryu, I’d gone home, taken a shower, and then for some inexplicable reason dove right into bed! I blame my tiny, one-person apartment for this. It’s so small that when you exit the bathroom, the bed’s just a couple steps away. I’d fallen under the influence of its powerful sleeping magic and was out for several hours, waking up right around the time I was supposed to already be there.
“K-Kiryu-san...”
“What?”
“I’m really sorry to ask this, but, umm, d-do you think you could wait there for a bit...?”
Dead. Silence. Without saying a single word, Kiryu managed to communicate exactly how displeased she was with me.
“Where do you live?”
“Eeek?!”
“I’ll come get you, so hurry up and get ready.”
“N-No, just wait for me! I’ll be quick! I’ll be right there, I swear!”
“You have ten minutes.”
“Yes, ma’am!”
I flew into motion, getting ready in a matter of seconds. I tossed on some clothes, splashed my hair with water to deal with my bedhead, grabbed the bare minimum of supplies—my wallet, phone, and house key—and literally sprinted out the door. The station was about ten minutes away on foot, but I ran fast enough to cut it down to five, just barely arriving before my ten-minute time limit was up (making me, in total, about twenty minutes late).
It was the weekend, and the station was pretty reasonably crowded. I took a few seconds to stop, catch my breath, and wait for my heart to stop pounding before I looked around for Kiryu. No matter where I looked, though, all I could make out was an impenetrable mass of humanity. I could look for her all day in this crowd and not find her!
I found her barely a second later. She was, after all, a stand-out beauty. All I had to do was follow the gazes of the other passersby. It’s not like anyone was staring, exactly, but they were definitely shooting her glances. Being a knockout has some advantages, I suppose.
Anyway, the eye-catchingly beautiful and well-endowed lady of the hour, Kiryu Kyouka, was sitting on a nearby bench, reading a book. Every once in a while she’d impatiently glance at her phone, which was lying on the bench beside her. Despite her restless attitude, though, I figured that if I’d snapped a picture of her in that pose, I probably could’ve won an award or two at a photography contest. Actually, wait, I could totally go for even more pervy best friend points here by printing out a bunch of copies and setting up a covert shop in the gym storage room, or something!
“No! No, this is not the time for this crap! Hey, Kir— Actually no, wait.”
I was about to call out to her, but then I stopped in my tracks. I knew how straitlaced a person Kiryu was. She was absolutely the type to take punctuality seriously, and there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that she’d tan my hide for being this late. Maybe even literally, if I ran up to her without setting things up appropriately (reminder: black belt in Aikido).
Step one: action! Call her up and give her the “Hey, I just got to the station, where are you?” treatment. Step two: reaction! Assess her tone and figure out exactly how screwed I am. Step three: solution! Using my knowledge of her current mood, determine the best way to approach her, which leads us to step four: mission! Execute the plan! Yeah, this is perfect. Oh, can’t forget step five: passion! The most vital element of all!
My innovative—nay, revolutionary—plan set in stone, I gave Kiryu a call.
“Ah!”
She let out a little yelp and jumped like a cat going after a toy as her phone buzzed. Maybe she doesn’t get calls very often? She looked at the screen, and for just a second she actually faintly smiled. Then she cleared her throat—twice—put on the same look of exasperated impatience as before, and answered the phone.
“Hello?”
Her voice came through sharp and harsh, with a distinct touch of “I’m super pissed off.”
“Sorry, Kiryu! I just got to the station, and, umm, do you want me to pick something up for you on the way in? I can stop by the convenience store. My treat, of course!”
I did my best to sound as genuinely apologetic as possible. I actually was pretty sorry about being so late. I also regretted it. I was honestly happy to stop by the convenience store and buy us some drinks and lunch, and if she forgave me as a result, even better.
“I’m at the bench in front of the clock tower in the plaza. Just get over here.” Kiryu completely disregarded my proposed motion and demanded my presence on the double. Can’t argue with that.
After that incredibly brief exchange she hung up, slid a bookmark into her novel, stowed it in her bag, and let out a sigh. I waited just a moment longer, watching her, then ran up towards her. Needless to say, I made a show of acting like I was out of breath.
“Kiryu! Sorry!”
Then I bent over in a deep, perfect, ninety-degree bow. Okay, it was probably closer to forty-five degrees, really, but it was worth a full one-eighty in terms of the feelings I put into it.
“You’re a half hour late, in total.”
“Huh? But it’s only ten twenty...”
“Arriving ten minutes early is basic etiquette.”
News to me, lady!
“I’m very, very sorry...”
But I doubled down on my apology anyway. Not because I was scared of her! No way! I did it because, according to her logic, I’d made her wait a full half hour. I definitely wasn’t thinking about how unreasonable that was. Definitely not.
“Well, fine. I thought for a moment you might have run away.”
“I’m the one who came up with this whole plan! Why would I ditch you?”
“I was kidding.” She smiled. It was the same sort of expression I’d recently seen so often on Ayase’s face, but in contrast to hers, Kiryu’s smile had a certain calm and cool quality to it. “Well then, shall we?”
She stood up. Judging by her attitude, she didn’t actually care that much at all about my tardiness. She probably didn’t expect any better of me in the first place. She said she was joking, but if me being late was a given in her mind, she might’ve actually believed that I was the sort of person who’d stand her up like that. It kinda hurt my feelings.
That’s when I realized that this was my first time seeing Kiryu wearing anything other than her school uniform. Right, of course! The standard practice in this sort of situation is to compliment the girl’s clothes to get her in a good mood! I knew I’d be spending the better part of the day with her, so I figured that anything I could do to improve our relationship would be to my long-term benefit.
Hmm... Well, she looked good in her outfit, but even an elementary schooler could come up with a compliment like that. Maybe something about how she looks really neat and proper in it? But how to actually say that? Regrettably, I didn’t know the first thing about fashion. I got the clothes I was wearing by copying a random mannequin’s clothes and buying three sets of them, so I didn’t exactly have discerning taste. It goes without saying that I didn’t have a clue about styles, fashions, trends, or any of that stuff. Hell, I didn’t even know the difference between a “style,” a “fashion,” and a “trend”!
All I care about when it comes to clothes is their durability, comfort, and equipment bonuses. I knew I had to compliment her clothes, even if just for politeness’s sake, but seriously, what on earth could I say...?
“Kiryu?”
“Yes?”
“Your clothes are, umm...super chick!”
How do you like that?! I’m pretty sure that I read somewhere that all fashion basically breaks down into two broad categories: “chick” and “casual”! Pretty sure I’m getting that right! And if that’s the case, then Kiryu’s outfit probably belongs in the “chick” category. I think it’s, like, a sort of twisted abbreviation of “classic”? In which case, yeah, it’s definitely more “chick” than “casual.” Most likely.
“...”
Kiryu, however, betrayed my expectations entirely by giving me a look of utter disappointment.
“...You really couldn’t think of a better way to say that?”
“That already took everything I had. I’ll have you know that I didn’t even know the difference between a polo shirt and a flannel shirt until just recently!”
“Why would you brag about that?” She pressed her hand up against her temple, like she was trying to hold back a headache.
“Oh yeah? Then can you tell me what a flannel shirt is? I’ll give you a hint, it’s not a fancy type of pajamas!”
“Flannel’s a type of fabric. They’re literally just shirts made from flannel.”
“...Yup, you got it.” Instantly and effortlessly too. My shoulders slumped in defeat while she smirked victoriously. Okay, so I didn’t know what flannel was—so what?! There’s more to winning in life than just knowing what flannel is, dangit!
“I assume, then, that you don’t know what this is either?”
She stroked her skirt. But, I mean, come on, really? She can’t think I’m that big of a moron?
“It’s a skirt, right?”
“More precisely, it’s a salopette skirt.”
“Shallow pet?”
“Surely you realized you’d misheard me before you tried to repeat it?” She sighed, heavily. Err. Sorry? “...Not that it even matters. I chose these clothes at random out of my closet, so I don’t especially care.”
“Ah, Kiryu?”
“What?”
“Your skirt still has a tag on it.”
“Y-You could’ve told me sooner!”
I was pretty sure that was the first time I’d seen her blush like that, but I didn’t have the time to appreciate the experience before she sent me running off to the convenience store to buy a pair of scissors.
Her skirt’s tag safely severed, Kiryu and I boarded the train and sat side by side as it clattered its way along the tracks. I was messing around with my phone, and Kiryu was reading the same book as before. I glanced over at one point to read the title, and from what I could tell it was some high-brow work of literature. I guess she must be a real bookworm, which matched up with her established character really nicely. That’s right, expand your traits! Broaden your appeal!
The elementary school that Kiryu and I had gone to was located in a town called Shusen City. It was roughly a two-hour train ride away from our current town of residence, Meiou City, with one transfer somewhere around the middle of the trip. I hadn’t really considered the travel time when I proposed the trip, and in retrospect, I was pretty glad it wasn’t ridiculously far away.
Not to say that two hours each way is right next door, but it’s a reasonable enough distance to travel for a day trip. We might’ve had to take the bullet train, or an airplane, or in the worst case a chartered flight to some far-flung, isolated island. I’m absolutely confident that I would’ve given up on this memory-seeking journey in an instant if that’d been the case.
“Sort of late for this, but sorry to make you come all the way out here with me.”
“I don’t particularly mind. I decided to accompany you myself.”
Kiryu replied without so much as glancing up from her book, and I quickly looked back to my phone, sensing that the conversation was over. As a matter of pure practicality, you can’t really look at your conversational partner for long when they’re sitting right next to you. It’s a very literal pain in the neck.
“I never thought I’d return to that town like this.”
“Why? Is it at the root of some horrible problem for your family?”
“...No. We aren’t in a novel; it’s nothing that contrived.” Yup, spoken like a true intelligentsia, as always. “I just meant that I never imagined I’d return there with you, or that you’d be an amnesiac.”
“Yeah, that makes sense... But when you put it that way, this is sort of a novel-like development in its own way, isn’t it?”
“I suppose it is, actually.”
Amnesia’s not exactly a common affliction, after all. At the very least, I’m the only amnesiac I’ve ever encountered. The fact that I’d ever have a calm and pleasant conversation with Kiryu like this is something that I could’ve only imagined in a work of fiction up until now too.
Actually, the more I think about it, the more this feels like a scene from some random YA novel. A mysterious amnesiac and his beautiful childhood friend, setting out on a journey to find his lost memories—it totally does sound like the sort of plot you’d see in one of those. That’d make me the protagonist, of course, and I’m definitely not fond of that idea, but sometimes you just have to make do. This is just a spin-off. A self-contained, single chapter story that the readers will feel just as betrayed by as I do.
I’m not prepared to say that Kiryu’s this spin-off’s heroine, though. She’s in way too high a pay grade to work alongside some random extra in that capacity, or at least not without putting up a fight. More to the point, I can’t imagine the two of us ending up in that sort of bittersweet relationship at all. It’s just not possible, which I thought of as being “my fault” on one hand and “thanks to Kiryu” on the other.
We fell into silence once more. No more friendly conversation between the two of us at all. I just sat there, blearily scrolling through news sites on my phone and shutting myself up in my own little world. Kiryu was doing more or less the same. Our prior conversation was nothing more than a means of killing time.
If this really were a novel, there’d be a few lines describing the scenery that flew by outside the windows, then bam, turn the page, and we’ve reached our destination. The whole of our travel time would be packed into a couple dense little sentences.
Unfortunately, the real world doesn’t work like that. I had no choice but to sit there in awkward, unpleasant silence, constantly mulling over a muddled mixture of curiosity, worry, hope, and regret regarding my destination. To me, that two-hour train ride felt like an eternity.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
“So this is Shusen City,” I couldn’t help but mumble quietly to myself, in spite of the fact that it seemed like an almost extraordinarily ordinary place. I give myself credit for not saying “we’re finally here,” or something hopelessly generic along those lines, at least.
At one point in time I probably knew this place like the back of my hand, but to the new me, nothing looked even slightly familiar. And, to be honest, I could barely even distinguish it from the streets and sights of Meiou City. The same chain stores you see around every train station were scattered about in front of me—I was having a hard time picking out anything about the place that I could describe as unique.
“So we’re finally here,” Kiryu said.
“Hey! I’ve been fighting the urge to drop that line this whole time! Don’t just come out and say it!”
“So? Remember anything yet?”
“Yeah, sure, just ignore me then!” I scoffed. “And nope! Sorry, not bringing anything back in particular!”
“I suppose it wouldn’t, no.”
“It wouldn’t?”
“It’s been quite a while since I’ve returned here as well, and it seems the town’s changed quite a bit since then.”
She went on to explain that the town went through a lengthy renewal and redevelopment process. The area around the station was more or less a construction site for ages, apparently. When she and the past me lived here, the station was constantly being worked on and we never got to see the final product.
“Should we get something to eat before we go exploring?” I suggested.
“...All right.”
“I’ll treat you, since I was late and all.”
“Thank you. I’ll get something at that pasta restaurant over there, then. You can pick any of the other places nearby.”
“Why do we have to go out of the way to eat at different places?!”
“I was kidding.”
You think you could make your jokes at least a little less deadpan, thanks?! I thought she was serious! She still looked like she was in a sorta pissy mood, after all. Anyway, we ended up grabbing lunch at the pasta place, then went out to wander around the city streets...not that there was much to see at all. Not only was it not much of a tourist town, it wasn’t much of an anything town. I said this already, but I seriously couldn’t tell the difference between it and our current city of residence. Just house after house after house—a perfectly normal, utterly unremarkable place. I found myself hoping we’d reach our destination soon.
“This really takes me back...” she muttered nostalgically.
“Huh? It does?” Does this particular street have some sort of significance? For real?!
“This is the route we used to take to school. The three of us walked it together all the time.”
Oh jeez, it does—and it’s pretty important too! To me, of course, it just looked like any old street. It was becoming apparent that this wasn’t the sort of situation where I’d miraculously bump into something that’d jog my memory.
I’d happened to read an article on the train ride over that talked about how our brains store knowledge and memories in totally separate places. I guess knowledge is to memories as TV news programs are to variety shows. Wait, no, that’s a bit convoluted and doesn’t make any sense.
Anyway, the point is that I had a hypothesis: If the memories of the time I spent in this town—those that had been erased—were still stored away in some form in my brain, then I might be able to bring them back by finding just the right thing to refresh my brain. My latent journalist’s spirit burned with motivation!
“So? Did this trigger anything?”
“Sorry, but nope. Not even a little bit.”
It didn’t work. I already saw this place as a painfully generic town, and my memories remained as slippery as ever. It was like trying to climb up a bouldering wall that was drenched with oil. At this rate I’ll never catch the attention of my secret warrior order’s oddly fashionable leader!
“All right, then, let’s just move on.”
“You gave up on that pretty quickly.”
“If you can’t remember anything, then you can’t remember anything. There’s no point in trying to force it. I’ve never had to help someone with amnesia get their memories back before, so I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
She walked off once more without turning to face me. Her tone was cold and businesslike, as if she wasn’t expecting anything to come of this in the first place. It sort of hurt.
We walked on without a moment’s rest. Kiryu guided me around the town, but absolutely nothing I saw struck the slightest of chords. My memories were as lost as ever. I was starting to think that it’d be easier if we could just say that the Kunugi Kou she knew was a totally different person than me. That’d be easier for me as well, considering how I forgot. I knew from the start that I wouldn’t be getting them back all that easily.
Our memory hunt/tour of Shusen City continued, but all we really managed to accomplish was wasting a whole bunch of time. Hours into the venture, we only had two places in the immediate area left to visit: the elementary school we’d attended, and the houses we’d lived in. At first I thought we were saving the main course for last, but I figured that likely wasn’t the real reason. In truth, it seemed most plausible that remembering the time she, Daiki, and I spent together was really hard on Kiryu. She’d probably been avoiding those places. After all, she had just as many memories in this town as I supposedly did.
“I’m sorry about yesterday.” Kiryu suddenly came to a stop and apologized out of the blue.
“Huh? Where’s this coming from?”
“Your amnesia... I’m sure it’s been harder on you than anyone else, but I shouted at you anyway.” Her apology was completely earnest, and the tension was stifling. I had to find a way to lighten up the conversation.
“Nah, it’s cool, you don’t have to get all serious about apologizing. It’s totally true that I forgot, and I didn’t stop to think about any of this stuff until just recently. I should feel a lot worse about that than you should about chewing me out the one time.”
“But even if you do remember everything, we still won’t...”
“Whoa, wait, hold up, why do you sound all nervous? Where’s this coming from?!”
“I’m scared... What if we go see our school, see our homes, and you still don’t remember a thing? Wouldn’t that mean... Wouldn’t that mean that we were never really important to you after all...?” She bit her lip, her expression communicating a confused mixture of grief, frustration, and fear all at once.
“I-I mean, c’mon, for all you know, I might be lying about the whole amnesia thing, right? Or, hell, maybe you’ve got the wrong Kunugi Kou!”
I tried to distract her by breaking down her basic assumptions about the situation. Sure, I might end up getting scorned as a liar if she took me seriously, but it’d be way better than letting her stew in her own worry and despair.
“No, you’re the right Kunugi Kou. I’m sure of it,” she replied with a faint, frail smile. “I know I said all sorts of horrible things to you yesterday, but in the end, I think you really are the same Kunugi Kou that I used to know. Sometimes you seem different, of course. Like the way you smile, and the way you talk—they’re a bit off every once in a while. But when I see the way you act when you’re actually serious about something, or the way you get depressed when our teacher scolds you, I can tell you haven’t changed at all. You’re...not the sort of person who would tell hurtful lies like that...”
“You’ve, uh, been watching me pretty closely, huh...?”
Holy crap, hooooly crap, that’s so embarrassing! Especially the bit about me getting depressed after I get scolded—I was so sure I’d kept a tight lid on that!
“You hate me, right?” she asked. “I’m hard to be around, aren’t I?”
“Huh?! N-No, of course not...”
“I wouldn’t blame you. From your perspective, I hated you from the start for no reason at all. But you worried about me and listened to me anyway. Your good-natured side hasn’t changed at all...”
“Good-natured”? That didn’t sound like me at all, and I figured she was misunderstanding something. I’ve always marched to the beat of my own self-centered drum, of that I was sure. Our whole expedition was pretty much just me dragging her around for my own benefit.
“Of course, that probably sounds incredibly fake coming from me,” she continued. “I’m the one who went a whole year without ever trying to understand you, or realizing you had amnesia in the first place.”
“Okay, you definitely don’t have to feel responsible for something like that!”
“In the end, I couldn’t believe in you. I couldn’t believe...in the Kou-kun I used to know.”
“Kiryu...”
“I’m going to learn from my mistakes. I want to see you as yourself, as Kunugi Kou, whether you get your memories back or not.” She paused, fidgeting. “So, umm... Maybe this is asking too much, but can...can we go back to being...?” She was too embarrassed to finish the sentence—to say “friends”—and she looked away.
I, meanwhile, was stuck staring at her in gobsmacked silence. She said that she’d never looked at me as myself, but I couldn’t possibly criticize her for that. How could I? I was the one who’d pegged her as an always-cool loner of an honor student sort of character, and never tried to see past that. I shoved the role on her without a second thought. Even at that moment, part of me couldn’t help but think: “Is this really the same Kiryu?”
But when I actually bothered to look at her for who she was, I discovered a girl who’s diligent but somewhat spacey. A girl who treasures her memories of her brother, who’s surprisingly prone to cracking jokes, who laughs, who cries... In complete contrast to my over-the-top image of her, she was a perfectly normal person.
“You take all this stuff really seriously, huh?” I quipped.
“That’s one of my better features,” she replied. “You’d do well to learn from my example, don’t you think?” She held her head just a bit higher than before, seemingly proud of that trait. Straightening up like that made her chest jut out more noticeably than usual, of course, and I couldn’t exactly stare. That’s definitely why I looked away.
“Sheesh, you sure talk a big game, Kiki.”
“Huh...? Wh-What did you just say?!”
I hadn’t said anything particularly strange at all, as far as I could tell, but for some reason Kiryu’s eyes widened with shock. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the chance to ask why.
“Mnh...? Hey, Kiryu?! You’re Kiryu Kyouka, ain’tcha?!” With absolutely no warning, some guy shouted her name. I turned to look, and found a boy of about our age with bleached, slicked-back hair and piercings in his ears and nose. He was a character type that we didn’t have represented back in the town we lived in: the shallow, stupid, playboy sort.
“Who the hell’re you, asshole?! What’re you doin’ with my Kiryu?!”
“Nothing, really, you’ve got the wrong... Wait, sorry, ‘your’ Kiryu?”
I glanced over at Kiryu, sending her a nonverbal plea for an explanation, but she was still staring at me, completely petrified. Meanwhile, the playboy guy stomped up to me, grabbed me by the collar, and lifted me up onto my tiptoes. Would somebody please explain what the hell’s going on here?!
“So, err, who might you be?”
“Who might I be?! I’m Kiryu’s boyfriend, dickbag!”
What a stunning revelation! Kiryu had a boyfriend! This whole time!
“S-Seriously?”
I was almost shocked speechless, but managed to blearily mumble out a single word, at least. Meanwhile, internally, I was losing my goddamn mind. Like, shook beyond description. I’m talking bolt-from-the-blue surprised in the literally-struck-by-lightning sense.
Kiryu had a boyfriend?! I was positively convinced that she was the “forever alone” type...but I guess that was just another of my convenient assumptions, wasn’t it? I had her down as too straitlaced a character to be dating someone. Actually, even before that, I assumed it was impossible ’cause heroines aren’t supposed to have boyfriends.
Gotta say, though: if this is the sort of guy she’s into, she has surprisingly awful taste in men. I looked over at her again, and found that she hadn’t reacted to any of the recent developments at all. She was still frozen and still staring at me, but my frantic “for the love of god, explain” signal finally seemed to get through to her, and she snapped back to reality with a start. She looked at me, then turned to look at the guy who had me hanging by my lapels.
“...Who are you?” she asked him.
“Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?!”
If you’re wondering who screamed that, surprise! It was both of us. Wait, both of us? Why’re you surprised by this, random pickup guy?!
“You’re not going out with him?!”
“Excuse me? Of course not. I’m out with you at this very moment, aren’t I?”
“Holy crap, could you at least try to not make this messier than it already is?! What am I supposed to do if he takes that the wrong way?!”
“The wrong...? N-No, of course I didn’t mean it that way! You should know that already, stupid!”
“Of course I do, and if anyone here’s stupid, it’s the girl who’s not paying any attention to the situation we’re in! That said, I get why you’d want to play dumb after your boyfriend catches you wandering around alone with another guy!”
Seriously, Boyfriend-san, it’s not what you think! I looked back over at him, only to find that he was now cemented in place and blinking dumbfoundedly at Kiryu. Really wish he’d let me down sometime soon.
“You... You don’t recognize me?!”
“I don’t. Let’s go, Kunugi-kun.”
“Not so fast! It’s me! Y’know, me!”
“Oh, I know this one. I’m supposed to guess a name now, and you’ll claim to be that person, right? You’ve picked a rather old scam to use for your pickup scheme,” Kiryu responded coldly and curtly. The guy looked like he was going to blow a gasket.
Seriously, though, what am I witnessing? Are they acting out some sort of messed up roleplay scenario?
“Umm... Should I, y’know, give you two some space?” I asked, hopefully.
Kiryu sighed. “Kunugi-kun, I don’t know why you’re trying to be considerate now of all times, but for the record: I don’t have a boyfriend.”
“Right, but that guy says he’s your... Wait, you don’t?”
I was starting to panic, but I tried to muster what little calm I had left to think through the situation. Kiryu’s story and the weird playboy guy’s story didn’t match up. Who should I believe?
“Okay, so if you’re not her boyfriend, who are you?”
I chose to believe Kiryu. Obviously. The guy’s grip had loosened at some point, and I shook him off and stood between him and his so-called “girlfriend.” Now that I had a better grasp of the situation, I could say with certainty: having some guy show up out of nowhere and claim to be your boyfriend would be super gross. Scary, actually. There are way too many creeps in this world, I swear.
“It’s me, dammit! Maruo!”
“You liar! No way a guy like you could be called Maruo—that’s a nerd name! Come back and try again after you put on some big, thick glasses, get a bowl cut and start saying crap like, ‘You see, blah blah blah, ergo, blah’!” I mocked.
“What the hell kinda stereotype is that?!”
“Whoa, watch out, Kiryu! This guy’s bad news! His identity’s a total mess!”
Will Maruo-kun completely flip his lid? Will this be the biggest disaster of the year? Find out after the commercial break!
“Maruo...” mumbled Kiryu. “I feel like I might’ve known a Maruo at some point...? Or maybe not...”
“You’d remember a guy like him if you did, so probably not, right?”
“Yes, probably not.”
“Uh-uh, yes you do! The Maruo you know is me, and I’m standing right here!”
Maruo-kun the Playboy (which is really long—maybe I’ll start calling him Maru-boy) was surprisingly adept at snappy comebacks.
“You seriously sayin’ you don’t remember me, Kiryu?! We took Aikido together! We went to elementary school together too! C’mon, it’s me, Maruo Hatsuo!”
“‘Hatsuo’? So, like, ‘Maruo Hatsuo’? Your name rhymes? Seriously?!”
“Stay out of this!”
“Nope, no way, this is just too good to miss. You were totally the first son in your family too, weren’t you?”
“H-How’d you know?!”
“Because, you see, ‘Hatsuo’ literally means ‘first son’! Ergo, you’re the first son in your family!”
“Careful, Kou-kun. You’re starting to sound like a Maruo,” Kiryu prodded.
Crap, she’s right! I was letting him influence me! The Maruo-esque traits he was suppressing were trying to take root in my body instead! Worst case, I could wake up the next morning with a bowl cut! Gotta keep my guard up!
“Quit makin’ fun of me, god dammit!”
“Oh, wait... I remember now. I may have known a kid named Maruo after all.”
“Really? You’re totally positive? Swear to god?” I pleaded.
“Well, no, I’m not quite that certain,” she dismissed.
“Didn’t I tell you to shut up already, asshole?!” the delinquent interjected.
Maruo-kun continued to flip out. Ergo: c’est la vie, dude. Take a chill pill.
“So then, Maruo-kun—what, exactly, did you want? We’re actually rather busy right now, as it so happens.”
Seriously. Sorry, man, but right now we’re l’occupé... Wait. Hmm? Why’d she stress the “we” in that sentence so much? Is she trying to drag me even deeper into this mess than I already am?
“K-Kiryu...” he stammered. “Who’s this guy supposed to be, anyway?”
Maru-boy the Super Freaky Self-Proclaimed Boyfriend completely took the bait. His death glare was...actually, it didn’t feel nearly as scary as it was back when he first showed up.
“Who? He’s, well... He’s m-my boyfriend.”
“Pfff!”
“WHAAUGH?!”
I did a spit take, and Maru-boy gasped in incoherent, wordless rage. She wasn’t just dragging me deeper into the problem, she was throwing me under the bus!
“Why would you say that, Kiryu?! She’s lying, we’re not dating! Hell, she’s the one who said that we weren’t going out ‘like that’ just a minute ago!”
“I thought I could trick him by saying we’re dating and get us out of this situation! Wouldn’t it be easier that way? So I changed my story just a little.”
“Nobody’s dumb enough to get tricked by a lie like that this late in the game! You realize we’re dealing with a complete wacko who’s already calling himself your boyfriend, right?! You’re just dumping all the aggro right on me!”
“That just means you have to find a way to make him leave.”
“Right under the bus!”
“This is no time for this nonsense in the first place. Kunugi-kun, did you just call me—”
“QUIT GODDAMN FLIRTIIIIING!” What the heck?! Maru-boy shouted out of absolutely nowhere!
“Kiryu...” he continued. “I’ve had my eye on you for as long as I can remember! I even started taking Aikido ’cause I wanted to be with you...” His eyes sparkled. “Hey, you remember when I told you how I feel about you, right? You turned me down, and transferred schools right after. I couldn’t figure out where you went...but I always knew, deep down, that you really loved me! You only turned me down ’cause you were too embarrassed to admit it...”
“Oh god, this guy’s a lunatic!” I shrieked.
“Ugh, that’s horrifying! You’ve been stalking me?!” Kiryu shuddered.
“Don’t say that, you’re just fanning the flames—oh jeez, is he crying?!”
He was grossing me the heck out in a thousand different ways, but I have to admit that seeing the guy break down in tears made me feel just a bit sorry for him. Kiryu had torn up every last shred of the would-be boyfriend’s credibility, and then demoted him to a worthless, nerdy stalker.
“Umm, look, it’s okay, don’t cry. She was lying, really! I promise we’re not dating. Here, have a...err, a receipt? Sorry, it’s the best I’ve got.” I didn’t have any tissues or a handkerchief on hand, but I did have the receipt from my stop at the convenience store earlier on. I figured it was better than nothing.
“You makin’ fun of me, jackass...? Do you know who I am?! I’m the Hound Outta Hell, Maruo Hatsuo, goddammit!”
Oh man, he’s one of those guys with a super cringey nickname! And he actually said it himself! Upon closer inspection I concurred that he did have sort of a delinquent image going on, so it made a certain amount of sense he was one of those people.
“Oh!” Kiryu slapped her palm with her other fist, like she’d just had a revelation. “I remember! You’re Maruo-kun the crybaby, aren’t you? We really were in the same class.”
“Seriously? Now you remember, of all times?”
“You were in the class with us as well, Kunugi-kun.”
“Really?!”
I did not see that coming! He’s an old classmate of mine?!
“Kunugi? From our class...?” he pondered. “Wait a second! Are you Kunugi Kou?!”
“Err, yes?”
I suddenly understood with excruciating clarity the terror and pain of being known by someone who you don’t know at all. I was shaking in my sneakers. Meanwhile, Kiryu was still perfectly composed. Is this chick’s mind made of steel, or what?
“You’re gettin’ in my way again, you son of a bitch?!”
Wait, why’s he getting mad at me?! Hmm? What’s that, you say? He’s already been mad at me this whole time? True that!
“I’m not completely sure about this,” added Kiryu, “but I think he had a crush on me.”
“Is that really the sort of thing you should casually drop into the middle of a conversation?!” I shouted, throwing my hands up. “Though, actually? Considering how the conversation’s gone so far, it’d be weirder if he didn’t.”
“Back then, Maruo-kun was the type of kid who spent all his time reading back in the corner of the classroom. I was fairly timid and didn’t have many friends, either, so I think he empathized with me.”
This is not the right time to analyze his attraction for you, Kiryu!
“I actually do remember him coming to my Aikido classes too.”
“Doesn’t that mean you saw him pretty often...?”
“Well, yes, but considering how he looks now, of course I didn’t recognize him.”
She pointed at Maru-boy, and, yeah, she had a point. I’d be sort of terrified if I saw an elementary schooler with bleached hair and a billion piercings.
“Welp, you heard her, Maru-boy. Kiryu finally remembers you, so let’s calm down and talk this out, okay?”
“Don’t screw with me, Kunugi... I’ve hated you from the moment I met you!”
“Whaaat?! When did this start being about me?!”
Maru-boy seemed like he’d forgotten about Kiryu entirely. He loomed over me with a menacing aura that told me he was liable to punch me out at any moment. I stayed between him and Kiryu, but I also took a couple steps away from him.
“Hey, Kiryu... Get away from Kunugi this second, and I’ll let you off easy, for now...” His tone was absolutely dripping with menace.
Yeah, he’s definitely targeting me now! What the hell am I supposed to do about this?!
“What’s wrong, Maruo-kun? I don’t remember you being this sort of person,” she said, completely monotone. Not! Helping!
“I’m not the crybaby Maruo you used to know... I’m the Hound Outta Hell, Martini Joe!”
Martini Joe?! What sort of nickname is that?! The secondhand shame was so intense, I couldn’t even bring myself to be scared anymore! I mean, I guess they sound sort of similar? Mahr-oo-oh, Mahr-tee-nee Joh—and it rhymes! What’s with this guy and rhyming names?! And, like, I feel like the names are structured similarly, somehow... But honestly, who am I kidding? No matter how I try to justify it, it’s still gonna sound insane.
Kiryu looked like she had no clue what to make of the situation either. I guess it’s only natural to be put off when someone you knew as a nerd in your childhood shows up looking like that, even if you did forget about them for most of the intervening period. He’s the before → after comparison shot from hell.
“I’m gonna kill the shit outta you!” He dropped that incredibly ominous line as he pulled out and flipped open a pocket knife. The situation was officially way out of hand!
“C-Calm down, man! If this is supposed to be a joke, it’s really not funny!”
“Shaddup! You’re only gettin’ outta this if you make tracks and leave the girl with me! You’re finally gonna be my woman, Kiryu, like it or not!”
What kind of story does this guy think he’s in?! He belongs in a hard-boiled, hot-blooded fighting epic where rival delinquents spill each other’s blood to rule the school! He could totally get by as a bit character in one of those, by my mark. Pretty sure Aikido’s a rare fighting style in that genre, right?
“Isn’t this getting a bit out of hand...?” inquired Kiryu, helpfully.
“Yes! Has been for a while now!” I screamed. “Do you seriously need to ask?!”
“GRAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” Martini-boy let loose what he probably meant to be a battle cry but what sounded more like a panicked scream as he flailed his knife at me. Without wasting a second, I reached into my pocket and pulled the only weapon I had available to block his attack: the scissors I bought to snip the tag off Kiryu’s skirt. I caught the knife between its blades, stopping it just in time with a harsh, grating squeal of metal on metal.
“What the?!”
“Didn’t your mom tell you not to point knives at people?”
Seriously, that was way too close. If I’d been spacing out like I usually do, he totally would’ve shanked me. When knives come into the picture, dealing with amateurs can actually be more dangerous than taking on trained fighters.
“I told you, do not screw with me, asshole!”
“Why would I?! I just said this wasn’t even a good joke!”
The “Hound Outta Hell” pulled back his knife and lunged in for a stab, but I calmly reversed my grip on the scissors and caught its blade in one of the handle’s holes. All it took after that was a quick flick of the wrist in just the right direction, and the “Hound” was defanged. His grip on the blade was pathetically weak—he probably never even considered that I’d be capable of catching the stab, much less disarming him, and the exchange was pretty much over before it even began.
Well, for him, anyway. He was frozen in shock, but I was still moving. I let go of the scissors, snatched the knife out of the air, then grabbed him by the neck with my other hand, shoving him to the ground before he even knew what was happening.
“Guhagh?!”
“Ugh, gross!”
The impact knocked the wind out of him, and with it came way more spit than I’d anticipated. All over my face. Blech. I was so distracted by the spray that I barely even noticed as I reflexively spun the knife into an underhanded grip, and prepared to jam it straight into his skull.
“Ah, crap! That was close,” I muttered as I caught my knife hand a second before I delivered the killing blow. Muscle memory can be a real pain sometimes. Calm down, nerves, it’s over. We’re all good here.
“Eeeek...!”
Man, see, this is exactly what I was afraid of! I went and scared poor Maru-boy. If I’d let myself get careless, that could’ve turned out way worse than it actually did. And considering that it hadn’t, I didn’t really like how he was looking at me like I was some sort of murderer.
“H-Ha ha, just kidding!”
In a last-ditch effort to salvage things, I forced a smile and tried to play it off as one big joke. Unfortunately, it had the exact opposite effect—Maru-boy took one look at me and passed out. I was, once again, in a real pickle.
For a minute I was absolutely convinced that he’d end up spreading some sort of crazy misunderstanding about me, but a moment later, I realized that we barely even knew each other. Even if he did come away from this with a bunch of crazy misapprehensions, it wouldn’t really cause any problems. We didn’t even live in the same town anymore. This was a once-in-a-lifetime encounter, probably.
“Kunugi-kun...?”
No sooner had I concluded that train of thought than a nervous voice addressed me from behind. It was, of course, Kiryu, who’d been standing there the whole time. I turned to look, and found her staring at me in astonishment, with a hint of suspicion thrown in for good measure.
Did I just screw up really, really badly...?
Kiryu stood there, staring at me in confused, shaken silence. I kneeled on the ground, staring back at her without the slightest clue what I should do. It was awkward. Really awkward. So awkward that I was already looking back fondly on getting shouted at by Maru-boy the self-proclaimed boyfriend/stalker. That was nothing compared to this.
But of course, I couldn’t exactly stay frozen there for eternity. I looked like a crazed, knife-wielding lunatic, looming over Maru-boy’s unconscious body. I folded up the knife and shoved it into my pocket. I wasn’t about to give it back to its owner, considering how quick he was to brandish it, so I decided to safely and properly dispose of it myself.
“So, umm,” I stammered. “Should we head home soon?”
The sky was already blanketed in the orangish-red glow of sunset. Considering how long the train ride back would take, I figured we didn’t have the time to check out our old school or houses... Or at least, that was a convenient pretext to get out of there.
“All right...” Kiryu agreed, and walked off.
I let her take the lead, following along about five paces behind her—after dragging Maru-boy over the side of the road, that is. I figured some Good Samaritan would come along and help him out, eventually, and I was in no position to worry about the guy any more than I already had.
Kiryu’s gait was unsteady, almost like she was too caught up in her own thoughts to pay attention to her footing. I was occupied too, worrying myself to pieces about what I should say to her, or whether I should even say anything at all. Before I knew it, I’d worried myself all the way to the station.
The silence continued unbroken as we walked to the platform and boarded the train back to Meiou City. We just couldn’t seem to find the right chance to strike up a conversation. We were the only passengers in the car; I flopped down in the corner seat by the door, and Kiryu sat across from me, staring down at her palms.
As I watched her brood, I felt a powerful sense of guilt and self-loathing well up within me, gradually eating away at my mind. I didn’t know what I’d expected going out there would accomplish, but I certainly hadn’t anticipated an unpleasant reminder that she and I lived in entirely different worlds. The fact that I hadn’t actually stabbed him in the end didn’t absolve me of the attempt in Kiryu’s mind, most likely.
The seconds and minutes ticked on in total silence. I was sure that after the day ended, Kiryu and I would go back to the same tense, strained relationship we had before. No, after today, she might be even more reluctant than ever to get involved with me at all.
But then, suddenly, she mumbled, “I’m sorry.”
“...Huh?”
“I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet.”
“Wh-What’re you talking about?”
“I just had to take a moment and sort through what happened. I’m sure you were worried about me, weren’t you?” Suddenly, she was acting perfectly normally again. Or at the very least, she didn’t seem to be afraid of me at all.
“Wait, but... Didn’t I intimidate you? Aren’t you scared of me?”
“Excuse me? Why would I be?”
“Why? I mean, I almost stabbed that guy in the face, and all...”
“Oh, that... I’ll admit, I was surprised. But you didn’t actually stab him in the end, did you?” She said it like it was a matter of course. “I would’ve had to turn you in to the police if you’d actually gone through with it, but...you didn’t. If anything, I was happy that you protected me. Thank you, Kunugi-kun.”
“R-Right, any time...”
How can she say something like that? I didn’t get it at all. The most I could manage was a weak nod in response. She stared at me, opening and closing her mouth as if she was hesitating to say something. A few moments later, she managed to spit it out in a quiet, reserved tone.
“I have a question. What you did back there—the way you almost stabbed him—was that all automatic? Did you do it reflexively?”
I froze. For a second, I couldn’t even process what she’d asked me. As it finally registered, though, a different sort of emotion started to well up inside me, and I averted my gaze.
“Why would you say that?”
“It almost looked like your hand was moving on its own, from my perspective. And you had to grab on to it with all your strength to stop it.”
“You realize that if that’s true, it means I’m a guy who might try to kill someone on instinct at any moment, right?”
That wasn’t what I really wanted to say. Not even close. I should’ve come up with some clever excuse to throw her off the trail, but the words that popped out instead were full of self-deprecation. They were an outright rejection of her understanding.
“I’m sure there’s some sort of reason behind it, right?”
“...”
“I’m not planning on forcing you to explain. The look on your face alone tells me it’s something painful.” She chose her words carefully, tiptoeing around my feelings in the most kind and considerate way she could manage. “But no matter what happens, you’re still you, Kunugi-kun. I don’t plan to forget that ever again.”
“Okay, sure, but me being me doesn’t change the fact that I’m dangerous, does it?”
“Dangerous? Weren’t you listening when I thanked you for saving me?”
“I...”
Her gaze was gentle. Most likely she’d realized that nobody was more put off by my actions than me. Nobody was more scared of me than myself. There was no way I could ever possibly communicate the horrors that were weighing me down, but even without understanding their substance, she was still trying to accept me.
“Hey, Kunugi-kun? Do you think the old you’s completely gone? Are you positive there isn’t a single trace of him left?”
“...No.” I wouldn’t go that far. After I lost my memories, I went through a lengthy process of building myself up, piece by piece, regaining my feelings until I became the me I am today. But I wasn’t starting from absolute zero. I had everything the old me left—all the traces of him in my body to serve as my foundation. It’d be more accurate to say that the current me was an extension of the old me, rather than a total replacement.
“I think your body still remembers who you were before you lost your memories.”
“My body...?”
I figured she was right, but I couldn’t admit it. The reflexive movements that almost made me murder Maruo Hatsuo were something like a curse brought about by the loss of my memories. The things that the past me did consciously were ingrained into my unconscious mind as a byproduct of my amnesia. In short: the past me, the me that Kiryu knew, was the one who tried to bring the knife down. Like hell I could tell her that.
“How do you figure?” I couldn’t say it, so I shoved those thoughts into the back of my mind, forced a smile and tried to smooth it all over. She probably knew I was faking it, and frowned sadly for just a moment before her lips curled into a smile once more.
“You called me Kiki, didn’t you?”
“...Huh?”
Kiki? I called Kiryu “Kiki”? Did I, really?
“What’s Kiki supposed to mean?”
“I knew it! You really weren’t conscious of it.”
Her smile broadened. I, in contrast, had no clue what she was getting at and was bewildered.
“What’re you talking about?”
“Kiki was my nickname.”
Kiki? Kiryu’s nickname was Kiki?
“You took the first letters of my first and last name and added an extra ‘i’ to make Kiki. That’s right—you’re the one who gave it to me.”
“D-Did I?”
“I wasn’t very fond of it back then, actually. I thought that it was a bit embarrassing, and I’ve always been a dog person, myself.”
“Wait, so it’s seriously supposed to be, like, that Kiki?!”
“You’re the only one who ever actually called me it, though.”
Her smile took on a bittersweet tinge. Kiki, huh? I guess elementary school me must’ve really liked that movie. I still like it, actually. Also, I’ve got a funny feeling that Kiryu doesn’t know that Kiki’s the girl, not the cat.
“And you’re saying I called you that without even noticing it?”
“That’s right. But since ‘Maru-boy’ interrupted us just a moment later, I didn’t have the chance to ask you about it until now.”
Man, c’mon, Maru-boy! That guy’s a troublemaker through and through. Gotta say, though, having it pointed out that I subconsciously called her by an elementary school nickname was weirdly embarrassing.
“Man, I couldn’t have at least come up with a better nickname? Kiki doesn’t even make sense for Kiryu Kyouka—I could’ve, like, taken the start of your family name and the end of your given name and called you Kirika! Doesn’t that, like, have a nice ring to it? Sounds like a protagonist’s name, right? Maybe a genderbent one?”
“What on earth are you talking about?”
“I wish I knew.”
Seriously, what am I rambling about? Weirdly enough, though, the gloom that was whirling about in my mind mere moments before had all but cleared away. In my experience up to that point, almost everything that the old me left in my subconscious reeked of blood and death. If I really called her by her old nickname, though, then that would mean there was more to those buried memories. Maybe they weren’t exclusively dark and awful, after all... Somehow, the thought made me so happy, I was almost overcome with emotion.
And that wasn’t all. Kiryu saw what I did with that knife. She’d surely realized that I was hiding a serious abnormality deep within my unconscious mind, and she’d almost certainly figured out that I was hiding it deliberately. It wouldn’t take a genius to put the pieces together, considering how I acted back there.
But she wasn’t pressing me for details. Most likely...she was waiting for me to be ready to tell her. She was trying to accept me. That made me just as happy as the revelation about my memories. I’d probably never actually be able to tell her everything, of course, whether she waited or not.
Anyway, the conversation was getting progressively more and more embarrassing, and I wanted to gloss over it as soon as possible. I spoke up again, in a deliberately teasing sort of tone (though I couldn’t bring myself to look her in the eye while I did it).
“Man, though, ‘Kiki’? Really?”
“What?”
“I was just thinking about how it doesn’t suit you at all.”
“You’re the one who gave it to me, aren’t you?”
“Not as far as I can remember!”
It was an incredibly stupid and questionably appropriate joke, but before I knew it, both of us were laughing together. Our adventure had only barely borne fruit, but to me, the whole day felt like a massive turning point for us. I was sure that she had no idea how much it meant to me that we could smile and laugh together from the bottoms of our hearts...and I was okay with that.
We spent the whole ride back to Meiou City talking about all sorts of things. About the book she was reading, about the news I’d skimmed, about our classes, about the weather... We started out sitting across from each other, but before I knew it we were side by side again, like we’d sat on the first trip. It felt like we’d gotten a lot closer than last time as we chattered away. It was the sort of conversation that would get abridged out of existence if this were a novel. A full scene of utterly unimportant, undramatic small talk.
This time, though, I was genuinely happy that it wasn’t skipped over like it would be in a novel. It was a rare, pleasant moment of tranquility, and it’d be a waste to leave it out.
